How to be believed?What hoops have to be jumped through?

Question

I was thinking about the dynamics of belief of any kind . Those of us who were abused and were not believed.Do we try to make sub cultures? I have mental health symptoms and find it hard to describe my 'difference to other except in reductionist terms that they will understand. Do we need to be believed so much that we will squash ourselves into a story that doesn't fit?

Every woman knows that to be believed that rape took place we have to scrub ourselves under a steaming hot shower

To be believed in court we have to be clearly upset but strong enough to give evidence,

What hoops do you have to jump through to be beleived

How do you squash yourself into them?

Answer 1

I jump through hoops for no one.

Answer 2

i dont try and convince anyone of my truth. if they dont want to believe me then i dont try and persuade them

Answer 3

You have to just tell the truth.

If you start "jumping through hoops" it will look unnatural and false.

Tell the truth.  Honest people will recognise it, and who gives a toss what dishonest people think?

Answer 4

I understand exactly what you are saying. I believe the only way you are going to be believed is if the people you are trying to convince want to believe you. If they have reasons for not wanting to believe you it won't matter how convincing you are because they plain and simply won't. In order to know the truth when you see it, you have to be an honest and trustworthy person, that longs for the truth and longs to have justice served. However, I'm afraid few people have those qualities these days, and most that are sitting on the throne that have the authority to deliver justice don't really give a d**n what the truth is or whether or not you receive your justice. That is why we have psychiatrists that are left to pick up the pieces and convince you that it isn't as bad as it seems and that you can carry on without justice. It is hard to believe even the most convincing person these days because people have become so good at the art of lying and manipulating the truth to fit their needs. ;-)

Answer 5

I've never had to do anything of the sort, so I can't answer to that effect.  What I might suspect about believing the veracity of a person's behavior is whether or not it meets what we consider to be the "correct" response to a situation.   There is the possibility that a woman will accuse a man of rape simply to get him into jail.  If she argues that she was not feeling up to getting to the police in time to file a report and get checked by a doctor for sexual assault, all the court has to go on is her testimony.  A woman who is more composed about her sexual assault does not fit what we expect from media representation.  

The irony is that if it really is more common for a woman to not feel like being upset, or whatever other alternative you suggest, and she does "squash herself" into the role of the upset victim, then each time the lie is used it's perpetuating the myth, setting further precedence that each subsequent woman must fight through.

Answer 6

the judgement a person will pass on you is made up from their beliefs and background experinces, so different people will therefore judge and believe you or not, I think in a lot of crimes against the person there is a stereo typical reaction that those outside looking in expect to see and woe betide you if you don't react in the way that is expected, which really I think is the root of what you are speaking about I hope this makes sense

Answer 7

I used to...

now if someone chooses not to believe me then i cannot convince them otherwise. The 'washing away' of a victim is a common one. i am not sure that i believe that in order to be believed of a rape i would need to scrub myself clean, but as these are seen as the 'reaction of a rape victim' then it has been used to emphasise the attack much the same as crying and being deeply upset in court, this plays to the jury and their emotions.Nobody wants to be the 'one' that didn't believe.

When you mention going through hoops, it suggests to me that the accusation of rape is not sufficient and that playing to the crowd would help to make this conviction happen. if a rape has taken place then 'your' own feelings will prevail. if however it is just a 'to get back' scheme and the need to 'make' certain then this is plainly wrong.

Stepping back from any trauma is a way of coping, i have often seen my life through a different part of me, one that can cope better than the 'victim' that i was.