When someone is talented, educated, good-looking is extremely self concious and basically achingly lacking in self-confidence, what is a girl to do?
I'm in my early thirties, married with a 1 year old daughter. I feel I am going through life very lonely because I keep yearning for more motherly or older-sisterly shoulder to lean on. I come from a small family, and I don't feel I have sort of a life-long woman's support, like an older sister, for example. I am the oldest and my sister is 15 years YOUNGER than me. My mom's personality is the opposite of mine, and she is not into this psychology stuff :) and men, oh well, it's not the same. I have a very good friend who is like my sister, but I live abroad, so it's not enough, at all.
I just want to be proud of what god gave me, therefore comfortable and going forward. Right now, if someone (other than my husband), just a regular motherly figure tells me something positive about myself, I'd break out in tears in an instant.
Also, my personality spells meticulous, and I could get tunnel vision (leading to paranoia :)) when it gets down to plans, lists, things to get done, etc. But any nice vacation will tone that down,
Also, i constantly thing something bad is going to happen to me or people around me. constantly :(
it's a really heavy load that i am carrying and i constantly feel the need to unload it on my husband, who is a human being and has only a certain capacity for my huge loads that keep being re-stocked...by the day.
i wish to be free of all this. i feel i am my own worst enemy, i cannot apply myself and my talents and my education feeling this way. nor is it nice for my daughter to have a mom feeling like this.
i guess, in a nutshell, i'm just sad, and worried, most of the time.
when i move, like shop, go for a walk, go outside, i feel exactly the opposite of all that. but being in the house makes me generally feel bad. i always enjoy activity but i grew up so busy with school for a decade it's so hard getting over the lazy habits. ideally i should be a runner or an amateur athelete, but i have a baby now and things are complex. but i will make it a point to try. i owe it to myself.
advice is highly appreciated.
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