How to be more strict with a 11yr. old juvinile snot nose brat

Question

my girlfriend's son who can really be a good kid which only lasts as long as he gets his way is in conseling but is still a hellion who spits tells his mom to shutup typical? he don't know when to stop when I say that's enough he doesn't. now it's effecting our relationship cause I want to ring his neck, and his dad is gone out of state owes $11000 in child support a bum& dying drunk, I love this girl but what to do?

Answer 1

i feel your pain, i was 22 when i started daying my wife who was 37. her 15 yo daughter was an angel when she got her way but a nightmare when i became an authority figure. you and your g/f have to be on the same level. she has to OPENLY support your decisions in front of her son. nothing will work unless that happens. he has to see that you two run the show. children love structure, they hate rules that arent their favorite but they crave a schedule with a specific set of rules that they know. some kids will try to bend or break the rules to fit their need but a predictable schedule makes life easier on them. most children gain alot of ground without a father in the scene. you will never be his father but he needs to know that you are the alpha male in the house and your the decision maker. it doesnt sound like hes to terrible but i know what your saying. hes good at finding nerves to rub just the right way. you have to not only put him in his place in YOUR house but KEEP him in his place in your house. if he wants extra freedom he must deserve it. all c's on a report card dont count. neither does going to school every day. when he pust in the extra effort make sure he knows you noticed the extra effort. if you stay consistent and keep communication open between all 3 of you eventually you will notice an improvement.  

Answer 2

If you think he's a snot nose brat, maybe it would be best if you just take the stick out of your a** and leave. Jerk.

Answer 3

reward his good behavior and punish  the bad.

instead of saying "thats enough"  put in line a  concequence that fits the action.  Talking back, ok no dessert, snack....or if your as extreme as my parents a spoon full of hot sauce.   Being bratty, no tv, computer, toys,   whatever they like most take away until they are ready to appologize, no appology then the tv can wait.

If you want to use your words as well I always start with "come here, talk to me, so what made you think that was a good idea?"  but ask like you really want to know, an answer might actually come out that you weren't expecting.  I asked a little girl I once nannied for why she did something and she straight out told me "for attention"

Or you can say, "Well if your going to act like a toddler, Ill treat you like one" and then put him in time out and tell him he can come out when he is ready to act like an 11 year old.

Answer 4

Head for the hills,

ditch her

and find a girlfriend without any baggage.

Answer 5

This child may need to change therapists if what is going on now isn't helping. Perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea for the child to see a psychiatrist to undergo a psychiatric evaluation to try to rule out any serious medical conditions that could be causing his defiant, disrespectful attitude.  If you love the mother, don't give up on your relationship, no matter how trying the situation with the child may be. Stand strong bu her side because with a difficult child like she has, she really needs to have a strong confidant by her side. If you love her, love her through the good and the bad.  Just take LOTS of deep breathes.

Answer 6

What ever you do, don't leave the girl. You love her, the kid is just a factor to an exterior problem. First talk to your girl friend and make sure its ok that you discipline him and what your limits are. Dont go beating the kid if she wont allow that. First find out what she will allow you to do. If he back talks to his mother then scream at him " dont talk to your mom that way she don't deserve it" When he mouths off to you. Simply bear hug him, he will throw a fit and try his damdest to get out of it, but you should be big enough to hold him there untill he runs out of energy.

Answer 7

being more strict may not be the answer.  take a look at www.reclaiming.com (I think it is) and figure out what the kids needs that he isn't getting.