How to clear my head?

Question

Does anyone please have any advice as to how to clear my head following and unresolved (unresolvable) argument? It was an argument with my parents. I put up with them being nasty to me all my life and for the last 16 years have put up with them being nasty to my partner, about my partner and about my children. When they started being nasty TO my children, I decided enough was enough, it was time to get them out of our lives. This was right at the end of last year. My children had been complaining that they didn't want to see their horrible grandparents for a long time, so when I ceased contact with them, they were relieved. During the next 8 months we have all been much happier and more relaxed and we have all become much more positive people now that the negative influences have been removed. However, yesterday my parents walked into my house, uninvited, and stated that if I don't allow them to see the kids they will take out a court order to gain access. When I pointed out that the children don't wish to see them either, because of their horrible, nasty mannerisms, they started being nasty again, saying horrible things about my daughter (in front of her until she got out of their way), and about my partner and myself. When my partner opened the door and asked them, in his most polite, most calm voice, to leave the house, my father took off his glasses and started threatening physical violence. I told them I, too, wanted them to leave and when they refused I said I will call the police to have them removed if necessary. Still they wouldn't go, and I ended up dialing the number of the local police station. They finally left before the police answered the phone.

Now I can't stop arguing with them in my head. It took me months to stop doing that before, and to stop imagining them behind me and criticizing my every move (I got nothing but criticism all my life from them, so there was a lot to 'throw off' if you see what I mean). Now, they're back in my head and I want them out so I can get back to my new, happier, more positive life.

How do I clear my head? Please?

Answer 1

I know it can be hard. I think you should put aside time each day to think about it, so that if you think of it outside that slot, you can tell yourself to wait.

Music is very good for distracting you.

It might be worth getting in touch with the Citizens Advice Bureau - it takes time, but at least you'll get free advice on your rights.  It seems pointless of them to insist on seeing your children if they dislike them so much, but you need to know if your children have rights in this matter.

Answer 2

Well, I cant see a court order giving them access to people who dont want to meet with them, thats for sure.

How to get these thoughts out of your head?  Meditate, do some chores around the house, go out shopping, go somewhere where you can relax, talk with some friends about it, write down a plan of action and ask for an opinion from your husband.  Basically face the fact that you have been happy without them for eight months and say to yourself that you really are happy without them.  Then check with your husband to see if you should let them know that you are happy living without them.

Answer 3

its different for everybody. i usually watch a movie so i can be in another world for at least 2 hours, but the movie always ends doesn't it? Don't dwell on something that pains you. You can go forward unless you except what happened. You don't have to forget, just don't dwell on it. When you find yourself needing to calm down, just do something that you enjoy doing. Listen to some music if you like it. I listen to classical music, can't tell you what a nicely played violin solo does for me. I'm sorry for your trouble. I hope life is better for you in the future.

Answer 4

Sadly enuff, we can't pick and choose who our mom and dads are.. Maybe you should try the whole taking them to court and get a restraining order against them.... I dunno what else one could do that would be legal.. Best of luck just the same!

Answer 5

Take some time out. Do something that completely relaxes you. Just breath and focus. Stop trying to work everything out and just go with the flow.

All the best.

Answer 6

Listen To Some Good, Uplifting Music.

Go Out For A Long, Brisk Walk.

Good Luck ox

Answer 7

I understand everything you are saying ,

I was  treated like that from the day i was born, so, i can feel for you,



I hated it, constantly, morning ,noon, night, 24/7 365 52 weeks a year

non-stop. so you see i know exactly how you feel.

if you , can call them family, they are the most least understanding

of all,



  I like yourself, have done one simple thing, told them the Truth,

and they already know, what they are doing,

can i just say onething to you,  be yourself, and enjoy your family,

kids,

i would of loved to of had children, but i could not have them,

i still get maternal every now and then.

and i got the blame for somethng i did not even want,

how about that,  a gentic disorder,

  

no fault of my  own, but i stil got the blame for it,

people like that , are not worth worrying about, believe me.

  

   live your lif to the full, and enjoy every bit of it.

  sod everybody else,

look after you and your family,  they come 1st.

  

  

  



  

  

  



    

    

Answer 8

it isnt pleasant to argue , I am sorry the people who are meant to love you most in the world wide have fallen out with you. To clear your head, you would need to resolve the differences, to reach an adult  compromise, and apologies all round,  and have everyone say what they want. life is too short, based on my personal experiences....

my parents were healthy a few weeks ago and away up and down to their caravan and now my dad has had a heart attack and can never work again and my mums found breast lumps and has constant back pain.etc.

Life  is hard enough to cope with, and  go a long walk today in fresh air with no interruptions and think how best to resolve it without being nasty back to them, as it will, just as you see drive you ill.

However, if you really do not want any  relationship with them and have  decided to go on alone, you will have to stick to that and then you wont have to criticize anyone in your head any more as you wont see them again, except at their funerals .If they are as violent and unpleasant it may be the only way to go on and be happy without them but it will probably be when they realise they love you and the children most and they were wrong to get angry and aggressive, and that guilt will destroy them.

Answer 9

perhaps you could do something to focus on your children? as they are a positive thing in your life. as a short-term thing, you could take them to the cinema to see a film, popcorn and all, and have a good time. not only will the film distract you, but seeing your children happy will make you feel more positive.

or you could do a more long-term thing, such as planning to go to a theme park or something for the day, or planning a holiday. it will show yourself, and maybe even your parents, that they are not going to bother you, you are going to move on in your life.

Answer 10

Hey i cant help alot really but from my experiences iv learnt to just keep a positive mental attitude and never blame yourself. you've got to move on with your life and wait for them to change hunni. dont worry things will get better.. time is the best healer. just keep your chin up keep smiling and enjoy yourself. take care.

Answer 11

before you do anything else.. be sure and write down the issues you have dealt with, WHY you made the decision, and what just went on.  You clearly have seriously disturbed parents, and you may need this for testimony against them. As far as I have seen, the majority of grandparent right cases stem from control binges like this.

As for getting out of your head.. I am reading the other replies. I have the same problem... not surprisingly out of a same issue, except the grandparents are my son in laws parents, who pushed the same. Because the parents were not as smart as you, to set and enforce boundaries.. they destroyed my daughter's family, and I have no contact with my grandchildren.

The main reason it is "in my head" is that I need to stand up for myself (and how they treated me), and I have no opportunity to do that. It MIGHT help you to write them a long letter.. and explicitly explain why their actions are wrong, and why you will not allow it.

Empowerment.