How to communicate with 9 year old daughter

Question

after 5 years i am back in my 9 year old's life.very comfortable no tension,but i find she is snotty and self centered is this normal for a 9 year old.

Answer 1

can you blame her you have been gone for a good portion of her life. you as the parent still have to make the effort to get involved, better late than never. it sounds like you are so that is good. She sounds like she is reacting normally... she is a child and this must be so hard for her. It will definatly take time. Do not try to be her friend, making up won't solve it she'll just become spoiled, sounds like she really needs a mother. Show her that you are not going anywhere and build a trusting relationship. Be patient. Go to her events. Show you care. Pack her lunch. Whatever you can do. and talk to her, a lot. Become envolved.

Answer 2

play games she likes

let her on the computer

take her swimming

maybe oh idk a cell phone

Answer 3

I think your best bet is to read a few books on parenting, not ask the yahoo's on yahoo : )

Answer 4

unfortunatly, but that doesn't mean you can't change that. disiplin her when she acts out, like send her to her room until she's ready to talk to people respectfully.  

Answer 5

Well, does she have any siblings? Like me, I am very snotty and selfish at times(actually, a lot of times) and I have heard that the studies by psychologists show that only child tend to be kind of snotty and selfish and stuff. Well, if she isn't, maybe she has a problem that she doesn't want to share. Just tell her how much you love her and let her feel comfortable to talk to you about her problems and give her good advices. My answer sounds dorky. DX

well, hope I helped.

Answer 6

It depends on how much she has been indulged by whoever was taking care of her.  It also depends on who she has been playing with.  If she is an only child that could also explain her attitude.  Children who have not been over indulged and have been taught to share and who have siblings  where they need to compromise with generally are less self absorbed.

It sounds like you have your work cut out for you when it comes to breaking bad habits and attitudes.    

Answer 7

my sisters 9, and she acts the same, im sure its nothing to worry about, but at 9 they do usualy see things like bratz or whatever and have an attitude of " i want". 'But its perfectly normal.

Answer 8

yes she's p*****n believe me when she gets to 13 there is no turning back when she's 16 her friends are like her parents. I know because I raised my now 17 yr old for about 15 years then she up and decided to leave me and go live with her dad who didn't know much about her other than Disneyland dad syndrome. Now she's visiting an hour away from me and doesn't want to speak with me or even see me she is visiting her Grandma  so yes it hurts especially when she is your own flesh and blood but sometimes you gotta let go and let God take over and my own mother isn't even encouraging a reunion of any sorts that's what makes me anry the most but even if I could get to see her she would feel trapped and forced to see me so I leave well enough alone.

with you and your 9 yr old don't try to be her friend that doesn't work just treat her as she wants to be treated and network with other reality parent groups online or sometimes hospitals have mom groups.

Answer 9

Very normal. She is at that age where you have to make someone of yourself in school. Just be a cool down to earth mom that supports her and not just grounds her or judges her is only around to embarass her. Just be cool mom!!!!! Let her find out who she thinks she wants to be.

Answer 10

what ever you do, don't play the best friend role, that will just lead to things getting even messier.  You have to show that you will be there for whatever happens, but you need to tell her that people dont like girls that are snotty, they like girls that are nice and polite and to stop being a brag... some kids just need to be told straight up... all this sugar coating c**p are for the birds.  Dont be straight up mean with her, but you need to her tell her attitude isn't appreciated and that people dont like others that are mean and stuck up.  I think the worst thing is to be her best friend, she doesnt need a friend, she needs a parent.  But you should listen to her and not interupt her when she is talking.

Answer 11

Kids are getting much worse these days but the best thing to do is appeal to her interests like music and cloths.

Answer 12

Her hormones are preparing her for womanhood. Mood swings are common. Remind her that she needs to be respectful if she gets too snotty.

Answer 13

listen to whatever she's got to say. dont judge harshly. remember that she's just a kid.  

Answer 14

Those aren't good personality traits, and if this is how she is developing and their is a pobleme then you as not only a parent but an adult are going to have to deal with this even if it makes you look like a vilan where parents first friends last

Answer 15

First of all how can you say that it is comfortable with no tension, but she's snotty and self-centered?

The two statements don't mesh.

You've been gone for 5 years.

And I'm not being a jerk.

But if you haven't been her mom, you need to just start by being a person in her life and not putting on the "mom robe".

My step-kid's mom came back 3 years ago and went for custody and it screwed them and us up and made EVERYONE miserable... and she won custody, because v****a wins here in NY.  But they still are miserable and they resent her and she doesn't get it.

Kids shouldn't be allowed to be brats - period.  But you can't and shouldn't change who she is, since you haven't been around for so long.  But what you can do is NOT TOLERATE certain behaviors from her when she is in your presence. Things are going to be rough, but if you don't intend to buy her affections for ever, don't start doing it now - stuff like that.  If you don't appreciate the way she speaks now, never tolerate it.

This could all be rambling to you, but I hoped it helped a little.

Just take it slow.

You might be her biological mom, but it is really hard on kids and sometimes I think parents don't realize that, especially now that she is a pre-teen.

Answer 16

A little bit...but you might want to view the snotty as confident/assured and the self centered as normal growth and development. Also keep in mind that after five years, the way she acts with you may not be the way she acts with other people.  

Answer 17

An answer to your important question.

Please call with any problem, anytime:

Girls and Boys Town "National Hotline"

Phone: [phone]  (toll free)

Email: [e-mail]

Answer 18

Possibly it's normal for a nine year old who's had an absent mother for five years of her short life. Try seeing the positive attributes she has and not immediately jumping in with the negatives. It's about what you can do for her, not the other way around, she's only here because you brought her here. I'm glad you weren't my mother. With your attitude I wouldn't put you in charge of a box of flies. She's wary of you and rightly so, she owes you nothing.

Answer 19

If you 2 haven't been together for 5 years, chances are she is still insecure of your relationship with her. I think it is normal. This is a very big adjustment for her, she's only 9. SHe is guarding herself from any form of rejection from you be it intentional or not. It is your job as the adult to make the first move and make her feel secure enough to warm up to you and be herself around you. To stretch it further, she may even be holding a grudge against you for not being with her the past 5 years.

I have 2 nephews and a niece (age range 3-8 yrs old) who clam up and seem to become snobbish when in fact 2 -3 weeks prior we were making easter eggs and having so much fun. I still can't understand why but whenever I make the first move in making them comfortable and secure (that I won't reject them at all) they always warm up and then be comfortable enough to be themselves with me.

Answer 20

Starts about 9 and doesn't end until they are 30.  The best advice I can give you (as a mom of a 13 year old girl) is don't let her get away with anything that seems like back talk.  The older they get the harder it is.  I know that since you are just coming back into her life it would be very easy to let her get away with stuff, but you need to show her that you love her enough to want her to be the best person she can be, which does not allow disrespecting you.  And that's what I tell mine.  If I didn't care I would let you act anyway you want, but I love you enough to let you be mad at me, so that you turn in to a decent human being.

Good Luck.....

Answer 21

Yes anywhere from when you are 8 to 13 you think that you know it all and everyone else is wrong it gets better and better as they get older but they will still think it.  Just talk to her about it but don't make it sound like you are punishing her because then she won't listen.

Answer 22

of course that's normal. think about it do you know any adults that are snotty? of course not. all nine year olds grow up. anyways try to train them. tell her nicely if she's said something wrong. give her treats when she does things that are good. smile very sweetly all the time. and oh spend a lot of time with him or her.good luck!

Answer 23

You should be more descriptive!! But, I'd say she's not sure how to adjust to you yet. If it's been 5 years she might be mad that you were gone?? Add some more details saying why you were gone and everything.  

Answer 24

it sure is! she's about to hit her most difficult years of her life. just explain to her that you're there for her no matter what.

Answer 25

It is common. A lot of kids both girls and boys ages 9 to 13 thinks they know everything. They try and act grown up, have a chip on their shoulder, argue, talk back. It is such an ugly stage. It is hard to deal with sometimes. Best wishes!

Answer 26

She probably thinks the world revolves around her..selfish. I would make her do things that help other people. Get her mind off herself.

Answer 27

Well, if she is snotty and self centered, then that might mean she is spoiled. You need to take over as the mother and take control of her life. You need to tell her what she needs to do and what the rules are. Do it with love, of course, but make sure you aren't bribing her. But just remember that giving her rewards once in a while isn't a bad thing.  

Answer 28

I think it's her hormones to be honest, shes growing up. If she gets really stroppy, put her on your step and explain to her why shes on it, and leave her on there for 9minutes, but if she trys to get up and away from the step just pick her up and put her back on the step, and restart the minutes, it may take a while, but keep strong and give her a kiss and cuddle at the end :D !! x

Answer 29

i know that when i was 9 i wasn't like that. but then again i have two other sisters that were like that. i think. theres a chance she'll grow out of it though.  

Answer 30

i think it is. i used to be like that when i was 10. just talk to her whenever she is listening. and i she is hyper active, make her come down on sweets like candy

Answer 31

You left her life when she was 4 and now after a five year abscence, you are back...you have not bonded with her. I dont know who has been raising her (ex husband, etc?) and there could have been some negative info given to her. But I would just let her know that you love her and that you are going to be there for her. Set examples and earn her trust, but dont accept her disrespect. Give this time. Good luck.