How to confront my back stabbing father and let him know I want him out my life for good?

Question

Basically he has slagged me off to my sister behind my back saying I am fat, lazy and do nothing. He thinks I sit in front of the tv all day eating. Regardless of the fact that I have a full time job, a 2 year old to look after and a terminally ill mother to care for, but yes I am "lazy". Basically I want to cut him off completely. Ok yes!! I admit I am 2 stone over weight, but I really don't care. I've never been this skinny thing, even as a child so my weight don't affect me. My dad don't listen. He gets real moody and I want to tell him, I'm done with it. I want him out my life for good. But How can I without dropping my sister in it as well? Should I just say to him I've heard a few things from people and basically I'm done with this whole fakeness or just let him know that i think his a complete loser and failure as a father and that I'm sick and tired of being slagged off? I gave him chance after chance, but it's obvious. He has no interest in me, because when we're in a room he just ignores me. What the h**l do i do? Sorry to ramble.

Answer 1

Do you have to give an explanation? Wouldn't it be better to base any action on what you have seen and heard first hand, rather than what your sister has told you? That is not to say that you cannot trust your sister, but my experience both at work and in family life is that it can be dangerous to make decisions on what someone else tells you happened; people can get the wrong end of the stick or misunderstand what is said. It would also avoid dragging your sister into it. Or you could challenge him directly about what you have heard he is saying behind your back, but avoid quoting what was said.

I hope that helps. Good luck  

Answer 2

I would do one of two things. 1) Just ignore him. Completely. When he calls, don't answer the phone. etc. 2) You could confront him by saying "You know, I'm pretty sick of other people telling me about all these horrible things you've said about me. What gives? If you have a problem with me, please talk to me about it first."

Realize though, that most families have at least one really difficult family member. It sucks. Its horrible. But you can't pick who your related too. Just think how you would feel if your dad suddenly dropped dead. Do you really want nothing to do with him? I think you owe it to yourself, your son and your dad to try everything to make things work first before you completely cut him out of your life.    

Answer 3

He is not perfect.

Try and resolve this.

It is not a major issue.

See it as a challenge to satisfactorily resolve.

Answer 4

I'm still trying to get my father out of my life. When I figure it out, I'll let you know. =/

Answer 5

my whole family are back stabbers they all talk behind each others backs and a few times it has come back to me what my mother or my sister has said about me, i stopped talking to my family for a while and i know how hard it is but what i learnt is that most families are the same. talk to your father and tell him how you feel you don't know how he is gonna react

Answer 6

just say "hey, i dont want anything more to do with your sorry excuse for a father, I want you out of my and my childs life"

Answer 7

You want to cut your father out of your life because he said you were fat and lazy? You got this information secondhand, as well, is it possible it isn't entirely accurate?

You should talk to you father about this before you do something crazy like cut off all ties with him.  Use "I" statements, not "you" statements (don't say "YOU are a jerk and I hate you!" say "I get frustrated when I hear these hurtful things second hand.  I would much prefer to hear them in person.")  Tell him what your sister told you and ask if it is true that he said those things.  If he did, ask him why he believes that.  Don't get angry, do your best to remain calm.  Tell him what you just told us.  "Dad, I work full time and I have a two year old to take care of on top of taking care of mom.  I hope you can understand that sometimes I like to sit in front of the tv and space out.  Things are really stressful for me right now.  I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from."

Good luck!

Answer 8

stop communicating with only him