How to confront (potential ex) husband and drinking problem?

Question

As of recently, my husband has started drinking a lot. When we dated, we'd go out on occasion, but for the last two years we've toned down our outings a bit. He's never seemed to have a "drinking problem" in the sense that he drinks daily, excessively... but when he does drink, it's as though he uses the "i never drink" excuse to get out of control. Now, he's drinking more often (3 or 4 times per week) (never at home or alone - out with friends) and we are on the borderline of divorce. He just came home, drunk, with a mess of a vehicle. He drove drunk (as he has been doing lately) and hit - something. I didn't say anything at the time because he's clearly drunk and I know that's not the best time. How can I bring up that this needs to change in a way that wont cause an arguement (these days -everything does)... We have a child, and I am pretty dissapointed he is not being more responsible - at least for our son's sake. I'm worried for what's next with his drinking...

Answer 1

Get a lawyer and get rid of him before something worse happens!

Answer 2

At the rate he's going he's going to either kill himself or some poor innocent person while driving drunk. I don't think there's any easy way to go about it but you have to say something.

Just make sure he's sober when you do.

Answer 3

Have you called an AA hotline ? They are listed in the phone book & they do give advice to family members of people who drink.

If your hubby does not want to change his ways no matter what you say, he won't.

Is there a relative or a friend that you can stay w/ ? Sometimes the best thing to do is leave & tell them they you are not coming back w/ your son until your husband gets help for his problems. ( That's what worked for my Mom when my Dad drank yrs. ago )

best of luck & do what is best :>)  

Answer 4

By allowing this behavior you have become a codependent to his drinking problem. The best thing you can do is go to an alanon meeting for people who deal with loved ones who have a drinking problem. They can best help you with proper techniques and guidance for your own well being and your sons.

You can't live with this problem without it eventually making you sick. Often times those who live with the drinker become so sick it effects their life. Walking on egg shells all the time. You need to not allow this period but best to get professional guidance.

Answer 5

U better react now gal or u get ur Hus dead,talk to him en keep him bussy a su said u used to go out try it again en tell him he is in danger driving while drunk,So all the best but he really need counseling

Answer 6

I think he drinks because he does not love you and that's his way of getting you to leave. At the end of your post you say that he says he wants a divorce all the time. Listen to what he is saying. I'm not trying to be mean, but if he says that to you and he is depressed, that's gotta tell you something. Good Luck.

Answer 7

I can only tell you my story as it relates to your situation you can choose to listen or ignore the problem like i did when someone brought it to my attention. My husband was never a heavy drinker just on occasions like most people but then it was after work for happy hour one night then two until it got out of control. He come home any where from 12:00am to 2:00am knowing he had to get up 6 in the morning. This went on for about 9 months then he dropped a bomb on me he told me he wanted to move out. I tried to make him happy but he moved out 8 months later and to make a very long story short it wasn't until 2 1/2 years later i found the real reason he started going out drinking after work. He was having an affair with a co-worker long before he even mentioned about moving out. I guess i just didn't want to believe my husband would do that to me because he had no reason to he had everything a husband could ever ask for and more.

If your husband starts a fight with everything you say that's a sign that he could be cheating. If he isn't coming home from work on time like he use to if he stopped calling to let you know he will be late that's a sign.If he never wants to go any where or do anything with you that's a sign. If anything has changed in your bed like no s*x or very little or he tells you he has had a o****m when you know he hasn't. When your body touches his and he moves away like your poison.He makes you feel like your not good enough for him. There are so many more signs to look for but one of the biggest signs is if he is going to the ATM to draw money out of the bank everyday or taking double or triple what he use to take before he started drinking.

Answer 8

You know this reminded me of my marriage, i kept on trying for 8 years end up with using prozac, then i were never good enought, he always looked for a reaon to be angry at me so that i can not be angry at him, The first step is to confront him that he is a achoholic and that this is not your fault, this can be in his roots, you can not change a person, because it is the way he or she grew up, but you can change the situation for your sons sake, im dovorced 8 years and never regret a moment i have 2 sons one 12 now and one 15 years, my baby was 5 when i got divorced, only you can make the right desicion, and i believe that you did by the question you asked, good luck i know it is not easy. One good this is that life does go one and luckely it one come once a day, so take it a step a day, build your lather to reach to top.

Answer 9

re: i am concerned for him

.........You should be concerned for you son!........he's the real victim here!

better get some help before that pathetic drunk really ruins your child's life.

google: coping with an alcoholic

Answer 10

Obviously he doesn't like the way his life is going and he's drinking. Happy people don't drink themselves to the oblivion, so dig deeper and figure out why is he unhappy. Probably he wasn't even ready to settle down in the first place and when you had a baby and stopped going out, he started to miss his bachelor life. Tell him he'll never see the baby again, if he doesn't clean up his act. Men can be a$$holes sometimes, they think we women don't want to party and go out with friends, but it's always us taking care of the baby, while they put their responsibilities on us.