How to congratulate women when they marry?

Question

Hello. I'm wondering where I've read that when congratulating a man and a woman on their marriage we must be careful about using the verb "marry" lest we offend the woman, that is, we shouldn't do this the same way. In other words, we must do this differently. Unfortunately, I can't remeber what the istruction was. Is it right to say, for example, "Congratulations, Mary, you married Alan." ; "Congratulations, Dean, you married Jane." ; "Congratulations, Mary, you get married to Alan." ; "Congratulations, Dean, you get married to Mary." How do you differentiate the way you congratulate men and women on their marriage? For example, if you were to congratulate Mary and Alan on their marriage seperately, how would you say that? How should you say that not to offend Mary? How the wording on such an occasion must be different?

I'm a non-native English speaking, please give detailed explanations and some example sentences. Thank you very much in advance for your kind help.

Yours,

Sun

Answer 1

"Congratulations on your marriage" is just fine for either the man or the woman.

Answer 2

You don't say "you get married to".  You might say "Congratulations on getting married".

None of your examples are offensive to anyone.  The only thing that I think would be offensive would be if you told Mary, "Congratulations, Mary, for Dean marrying you."

The best way to say it would be

"Congratulations on your wedding."

"Congratulations on your marriage."

"Congratulations on getting married."

"Congratulations on marrying ________."

Answer 3

congratulations works

Answer 4

The previous answers are all correct: grammatically, you can congratulate the bride and groom (woman and man) the same way. "Congratulations" works for either person, or for both together. "Congratulations on your marriage" or "Congratulations on your wedding" are probably the most common.

In the most proper etiquette, one should say "congratulations" to the groom and "best wishes" to the bride. This is because congratulating the bride supposedly implies that she snared a man. So you could say "Best wishes on your marriage" or something like that. In actuality though, most people have not heard of this, and many brides/grooms have been surprised when I have (jokingly) told them about this.

Answer 5

"Congratulations on your marriage" is the correct way to say it to the bride and groom, separately or when they are together. "Congratulations on your wedding day" would be suitable before and on the day of the event, again saying it to both or either.