How to cope at a funeral...?!

Question

My uncle died yesterday. He was my favorite uncle and lived with my mom, dad, and me when I was young. I am so heartbroken b/c it was a sudden and unexpected death. I am so distraught and now, another thought has occurred to me....I remember him being full of life, laughing, throwing me in the air, all the stuff an uncle should do. But now, I have to see him lying in a casket, cold, blue, and him not being there.

Going to the funeral is NOT an option b/c my family seriously frowns on missing a funeral and not showing your respects....but HOW do I cope with seeing him like that? I can't just sit in the sanctuary with my eyes closed! Any advice would help greatly! I have been to many funerals before, but he was more of a dad than my dad was and I am terrified...I DON'T want to remember him like that!!

Answer 1

It's necessary for you to go.

It's the last thing you can do for him.

You are grieving and you have to let yourself feel the loss to

begin to get over it.

I know it's hard. I've lost family too.

You can remember him as you choose to.

You cannot refuse to say goodbye.

Hang in there honey.

Answer 2

I can understand how you feel. This past year one of the children I taught for the past 10 years passed away and he was only 14 and to think of him lying in a casket and not full of life was very hard. I was a flower girl and had to sit on the front row to top things off and had to watch his mother it was very hard. But even after that experience and even with that memory I still picture that bright smiling young man, full of life and with a quick wit. But one of the things that helped after he passed was looking through old photos of him. That showed him full of life and smiles. And those memories were much stronger.

But also if you don't have to sit up front  I would suggest sitting towards the back and at an angle if possible, so its harder if not difficult to see.

Answer 3

A process & good-bye.  That is what this is about.  Some day, we are ALL going to leave this earth.  Tiz all part of the circle of life.

Well, I AM certainly sorry FOR your loss!!  In your entry, I can feel how heartbroken you are.  And yes, he was full of life.  What a wonderful picture in your mind, laughing, throwing you in the air!  That is the memory to treasure!

The funeral: . . . . is the place where one has the chance to say good-bye, to remember those absolutely sparkling times & to share. It is a place for both sharing the happy memories AND sharing the loss.  Yes, at a funeral [well, at the visiting hours is probably better], you CAN laugh, and you can also cry.  In that way, the process of grieving loss is shared, rather than carrying alone.

The way in which you cope, IS to do BOTH of those.  You laugh [maybe with tears in your eyes & you cry, sometimes to make a flood.  And in the end, the process has happened.  This process is not something to be feared, but rather to be embraced.

And, no you don't HAVE to see him like that. you don't have to see him in the casket.  This is YOUR process & everyone processes differently.  So, you can just sit in the sanctuary & not go for "view".  Have this be YOUR process & YOUR memory & YOUR good-bye.  He is gone now.  SO this is for YOU.

Lastly, a good book which might assist you with the process, is:

The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story of Life for All Ages

Hard Cover

http://www.amazon.com/Fall-Freddie-Leaf-...

Paperback

http://www.amazon.com/FALL-FREDDY-LEAF-S...

Be well my friend & keep those moments of beauty in your mind's eye.