How to cope with Mother in laws rude behavior?

Question

My mother in law has NO manners. When I have parties for my side of the family, she invites herself. When we all have dinner together, she doesn't eat with her mouth closed and stuffs it, and doesn't put her napkin on her lap! When she visits she offers me to clean my house, saying that it is dirty when I just cleaned. When her dog has p**p stuck to its butt she wont clean it off before getting into our car

When one of my hairs is flowing the wrong way, she will grab it and try to make it right without my permission when I'm trying to run.

It seems she has no common etiquette, and has unfortunatly taught my husband some same traits.

How can I politely make this stop before our child is here and before she teaches it and sets bad examples around my side of the family again? My husband will not have ANYTHING to do with it, he usually agrees that SHE IS RIGHT!!!

I'm embarrased to have her around my family, and be seen in public with such a rude woman!

Answer 1

too bad your husband is a mamma's boy

give her the best seller from dear heloise or someone where all these questions about etiquette and comon sense are in there and writen in by subscribers and asked to her and her answers are there and very entertaining to say the least. She might make it a good read if you leave it in the room she stays in.....

Answer 2

This is touchy more so because you dont have the support of your husband to filter it.

1. Stop telling her about your family plans. If its your husband doing the telling, you might want to start by telling him that you are doing this just for your side and that you would like for him not to mention it to his mom to avoid making it awkward. If he does it anyway, limit what you tell him to avoid it. At least give him a chance.

2. If she makes a comment like your house is dirty or something, let her know that you just cleaned it and that it hurts your feelings to hear that. Give her a chance not to say it again. If she does, you can tell her its rude.

3. We all have habits. Dont try to correct them all. Just discuss those that impact you directly. Eating with her mouth open is nasty but not really hurting anyone.

4. Pre-warn your family about her. They have to accept her too because she is your husbands mother. Some tolerance should be expected and respected. Just try your best to moderate the time they spend together and make sure to spend time with her alone too.

5. The only way to make sure your baby doesnt adopt her poor habits is just to break them while its young. You are the alpha female of your family so your rules rank supreme. =)

Answer 3

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!  First of all you married this woman's son!  So she must have done something right here.  Never mess with a Mom and her Son trust me it will only give you grief and heartache in your own Marriage.  So she is quirky, no etiquette and is generally a pain in the butt.  Whose Mother in Law isn't....  Grin and bear it kid, your Children will not be effected by her if you are the Mom!  Be strong take deep breaths and remember this is your husbands daughter.

Answer 4

While it IS frustrating, you just need to realize that people aren't going to judge you based on your MIL's behavior. There are certain things that you can set as ground rules and ask her to observe the customs of your house, there are other things you will need to let her learn on her own (or continue to NOT learn)

As far as your husband and future children are concerned, go ahead and bring out an ettiquette book.  Make it clear that to get along well in society and give your children a comfortable social life, they will need to observe basic manner.  Ask your husband to set a good example with you and get in the habit of it now.

Answer 5

As I am a man and have a brother like your husband I have well earned experience. There is no polite way to go about this as you have to create discord first so everybody realizes that you are serious.

Trying to mediate now is worthless. Nobody will respect you.

Your husband needs to tell the inlaws that he chose you so you are his life and the most important thing in his life. You two could step away and the main thing is if you you do not respect my wife and my decision you disrespect me.

I could go on but I know and have gone down this road myself....... if your husband allows this and does not stand up.... he is a Mommas boy and has no respect for your marriage. It is a common  thing.

After I put my foot down all was well. Can I say that again? No respect for you, your future together and he is a Mommas boy. I would never let my wife have any problem or even stress about one that I could take care of by being a confident man....... as a man I would rather get hit by a bus than have her go through it.

Answer 6

if her son wont do anything then you stuff have to come out and say it, and if she wont stop then tell her she not welcomed at UR home and around UR kids

Answer 7

When you have finally had enough speak up for yourself

Answer 8

oh lord. i feel sorry for you. my husband finally started taking up for me. you need to sit down with your husband and mol and tell her how you feel. i've had issues with mine and talking it out usually works best. i know it's uncomfortable, but it will get off your chest, which feels much better. Be TOTALLY honest and tell her how you feel. then give her and your hubby time to tell you how they feel. hopefully ya'll can come to a conclusion.

Answer 9

You can push her to seek a husband or another,her live will change, believe me.

Answer 10

try to nicely tell her the things you have concerns with.

Answer 11

Unfortunately , the only way to resolve this is by approaching her on it tactfully. Its hard when its a personality issue rather than a one-time offense. I would bring up these incidents in particular to her because she will want to know what exactly offended you. Tell her that you didnt appreciate it when...and then cite example.

Also, you have to tell your husband. If he respects you , and you arent just blowing stuff out of proportion, then he should uphold your decision. He should talk to her as well. Be firm about it too.

Answer 12

Wow... welcome to the world of families! I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters and extended family, the relatives of my in-laws, my neices and nephews, etc. We're all different. I would say that because I love them, I don't really care if someone chews with their mouth open.

Your mother-in-law won't have an affect on your child if you are doing the parenting.

Answer 13

Your mother-in-law's manners do not reflect on you. If you choose to let it bother and embarrass you, the fault is yours, and with such a negative attitude you may be setting yourself up for eternal conflict with her and your husband. And  have you stopped to think that when you have a party for "your side of the family" and don't invite your mother-in-law, who obviously wants to attend, that it is you who are being rude and exclusionary?

As for her offer to clean your house, maybe it is badly intended as you assume, but maybe she genuinely would like to help out while you are pregnant. Either way, a simple "No thanks, I just cleaned it," with a smile, takes care of both possibilities.

Don't forget that the pregnancy hormones may be making you extra irritable. Please cut her some slack. Kindness, thoughtfulness and tact are far more essential to good manners than the placement of napkins. Who knows? It may be more likely that your good manners will set a good example for her than that her lack of etiquette training will set a bad example for your child. Give her a chance to be her best self with you and your family. After all, she is your family too.