How to cope with my sister-in-law's breast cancer?

Question

My sister-in-law has breast cancer. She has surgery recently and soon we get to find out about her prognosis.

In the meantime, I'm finding this is very difficult. I don't know her that well, but over time I've become attached to her and I'm finding that I'm scared of the outcome.

I know breast cancer is very treatable, but her case is very aggressive and I can't help but worry about the cancer recurring in the next few years, about what chemo for the next year will mean for her and her family and therefore me and my partner who's very close to his sister and scared of losing her.

In fact, I think everyone is scared of losing her, and I don't really know how to cope with this. I want to be there to support her and support my partner, but I'm not really sure how to do this.

Please help.

Answer 1

well i have a freind at work that has it. i have noticed that she really doesnt like to talk about it, not that she doesnt share or tell us whats going on, but she doesnt like to be identified by it. she wants to be included in things and she likes to keep working. so ask your sis in law (if shes feeling well) if she wants to go out shopping or to a movie or something, and dont make her cancer the focus of every conversation, im not saying to ignore it but focus on other things too. just be there for her, be her freind.  

Answer 2

"Very aggressive" in breast cancer can have a great outcome.

These cancers are often extremely susceptible to chemotherapy. A good response to chemo is the most important prognostic factor.

If you think you're scared, trust me, it's the barest hint of the fear she's facing. Take your cue from her. If she seems to want to talk about it, then you suck it in and let her. If she doesn't, don't prod her. This is about supporting her, not forcing her to do what you or others think is best for her.

Support just means being there. It means if you say they can rely on you for anything, you have to produce.

Answer 3

First, get informed. Find out what kind she has and the prognosis. Don't pry into her medical files or anything, just look up the information elsewhere.

It's common for people to suddenly realize that life is not guaranteed as soon as there is a diagnosis of cancer; but you should take your cues from the patient herself--not from yourself--is SHE upset? Is SHE panicking? If not, then you shouldn't either. Some patients with cancer are quite able to deal with their illnesses--and it only makes them worse if they think others have already thought beyond them--about the time if and when they will no longer be here.

When I had cancer, I wanted to talk about it. Some people are like me, others want to divert their thoughts away from the disease onto other things. I found it easier to face my demons--and make them shrink down very small that way--rather than letting them be "unknowns" in my uncertain future.

As a relative and friend, you need to first let her know that she means this much to you--that is very very important to anyone facing a possibly terminal outcome. (It's important to EVERYONE actually!) It will make you both feel better if you let her know how much she has affected your life. Then, all you can do is just BE there for your partner and for his sister--as they go through this. She'll have good and bad days--and so will he. Don't let them get bogged down in a sense of "doom" or become all depressed--you can live a wonderful life in only a few years. It's not the number of breaths you take, it's the number of times life takes your breath away that counts.

It's actually a fascinating process when you think you might be leaving early--what your mind does, what your priorities become--watch and learn from her. Offer your help to her to do whatever she feels she has to do before she leaves--and keep on the positive side as much as possible, because fighting cancer is just as much about your attitude as it is about medical care.

Your sis-in-law is lucky to have someone like you in her life--no matter for how long. You obviously care a great deal and that's only good.