How to deal with RUDE friends?

Question

Would you say something to very close friends who invite you and your spouse over for the following Friday nite for a pizza party with an out of town relative who will be leaving the next day. and when you call on Friday afternoon to make sure it is still on, you are told "oh, were you gonna come? We did that last night and tonight we already have other plans". It just strikes me as so rude -- they could have called or emailed us to let us know of the change of plans! The male is a very long time friend - his wife is extremely lacking any etiquette skills. What bothers me most is that nobody bothered to let us know - it was only after I called them I found out the plans had changed. How would you react?

Answer 1

Don't make any more plans with them at all. They're not good on their word!

Answer 2

I'd be pissed off, and ask them why they didn't call and tell me this if plans were going to change.  I'd tell them that "that sh*t is real f*cking rude, and I don't appreciate it.  Next time you do something, don't call me to go out unless you KNOW we're going.  If plans change, f*cking PICK UP THE PHONE and call me!"  That's happened to me before and it really just pisses me off.

Answer 3

I sometimes I keep quite. sometimes I would tell them on their face what I feel.

Answer 4

Going to their house, taking out my Pump Action Remington 870 and shooting the place up.

Answer 5

Guess I'd have called sooner than the day of the get together; that was a goof on your part.  Perhaps they thought you were not interested (being very close friends) and therefore made other plans.  Sounds like they thought you were rude for not following up on the invitation and then your feelings were hurt because you believed you were correct in etiquette.

Answer 6

Yes, I'd be totally irritated, and it is rude.  I have some friends who are similar.  I had to make a choice:  if I want to spend time with them, it's going to be up to me to solidify plans.  I think that's the same as with you.

Answer 7

When your friends disappoint you, then you need to either like it or lump it. You can either be a complete moron, and nod quaintly, saying 'Oh that's Ok, our fault'. Or you can stand up to these rude and obnoxious people and tell them what you think. I have had it done to me, plans being changed without my knowing, not only does it show the attitude of your 'friends' but it makes you feel like an embarrased idiot, because in the back of your head, you just knew that there wqas something going on, but you didn't face the facts and now the information has come to light. Tell them what you think amd if they don't understand or are completely oblivious to your feelings, then you know taht they are no friends of yours. If they realise the are sorry and thought that someone else had given you the message, then i would find, in that situation, to accept the apology, but be on the lookout for any other suspicious signs.

The wife sounds like a drag, and don't take any attitude from her, if the guy is a long time friend. have a talk with him, about his wife. It is possible that he may feel victimised and caged by her too. If the wife was the one speaking to you on the phone, it is possible that she doesn't like her husband being your friend, or spending time with you. Talk to your mate and see what he says.

Bonne chance!

Answer 8

Well when you deal with people who are keeping their better interest in mind, forgetting they had involved their friends, then I guess for the most part all you can do is be aware this is typical behavior for them. So therefore, any time in the future that you all make plans together, you can call early in advance that day, and make sure the plans are still good for later.  

If this continues to happen, then the next time they ask you to make plans I would say something along the lines of - I would enjoy hanging out with you guys, but the past couple times we have made plans it seems you've forgotten and done other things, maybe its a simple mistake on your part but it seems inconsiderate and before I set aside things I could do, in order to make and go through with our plans, I want to be sure they won't suddenly be dropped again -

I think if you're polite, yet straight forward and make it clear this isn't appreciated, they should be mature and respectable enough to get the point. If not, then I would avoid making plans with them in the future I think.  

good luck

Answer 9

Are you sure it wasn't a misunderstanding?  It sounds to me like they thought you weren't all that interested.  Was your answer clearly a yes?  Maybe you should give them another chance ... and next time they ask you over, tell them yes and you'll be there.  And if they do it to you again, then they're not really friends.

Answer 10

Do not ignore the behavior! Calmly call them on it over the phone or face to face.

Tell them that you expect to be notified, in advance, if plans change. Let them know that this was both inconsiderate and inconvenient because you had a guest to entertain.

If this type of behavior is typical for them, you may need to look for more considerate friends.

Answer 11

That is really really rude of them.  I would call them on their actions and then if they do it again I personally would not do anything with them again, its not worth it.

Answer 12

I think you should leave it as is. But - if it happens again and you call, once again, explain to them that it would be greatly appreciated if you could be spoken to about any change of plans because you really enjoy their company, and do not want to miss out on a chance to get together.

If it continues, maybe they should just become less of the close sort of friends, start seeing others and they may wonder why all your attention is not being focused on them anymore, or why you are not fussed that you aren't spending as much time together. THEN they might realise their mistakes.

Answer 13

This is not your fault. They could have emailed you since it was they who invited you. If I invite you to party and I change the date am I not suppose to let you know? They sound wishy washy.