How to deal with a 15 yr old step son that cusses at me and has a bad attitude?

Question

IT'S OVERWHELMING. IT CAUSES ME AND MY HUSBAND TO FIGHT.

Answer 1

Make your husband discipline him there needs to be some kind of rules.... Just Ingaore him that gets to teenagers more than you think.  

Answer 2

I would just ignore him for a while because the shock value will wear off.  You are giving him what he wants when you fight with your husband.  I get the feeling you haven't been married long because I have 2 step daughters. The youngest liked me from the start and the elder one hated me because daddy wasn't giving her so much money anymore and she resented it.  Our first Christmas was bad and my husband and I decided to give in to her demands that I not be at home when she came home for Christmas.  After that I put my foot down and told her never again will she drive me away from my home.  I redecorated the house to my taste and with my husbands approval and turned the girls former bedrooms into guest rooms.  I wanted to put my signature and style on those rooms.  I live in a beautiful part of Alaska and we have friends and family that visit.  The girls are adults on their own with their own homes and the elder one married.  I have been married 8 years and the younger one adores me, but the elder one barely accepts me and I am OK with it.  I am nice to her and send her gifts, but my home is my home.  My son never had his father around so that part went well. I hope I helped!

Answer 3

First off, he's your STEP son. And, if you were him, would you have done the same thing? He needs time to have trust in you. Communication is the key. Oh yeah, for the person who mumbled, just keep your mouth shut cos you're not even helping. YOu're making things worse. ANyway, you need to help him with his problems first. People need time to adjust with the new environment they're in. You yourself also need time to adjust right? So, be considerate of his son. YOu'll win his heart if you're patience enough.

For the record, if you do sth bad to him...he'll get back to you when you're old and incapable of helping yourself. So, don't do anything bad to others if you don't want to be treated the same way.

Answer 4

I know just what your saying I have 4 step children and they can be a handful. Stop playing the boys game he wants you to fight with your husband. He wants to drive you away! don't play which personally takes the wind right out of them.

When he comes in asking for something ,which as a teenager he will, just tell him to ask his dad. when ever he comes to you for anything even asking what time it is tell him to ask his dad. Yes there will be some attitude at first and if and when he comes to you and states why do you always say that? Tell him because I do not like the way we communicate with each other. When and if you choose to communicate with me in a respectful way I will then communicate with you. Don't go into a big Mom speech short and simple. rule number 1 Don't argue . rule 2 pick your battles.rule 3 remember you are the adult. rule 4 do not let him know you are in anyway intimidated by his tyraids.

I know it all sounds so simple but it isn't if he wants to go outside after school and asks you tell him to ask his dad if dad is not available guess he can't go. Even if he does call dad at work and ask and dad confronts you on it. Simply tell your husband I didn't want to fight over it with him or you. It also lets your husband know there is a problem with out nagging and yelling. the child is his child from a different marriage so the child should be dad's responsibility. I'm telling you this will work but you have to maintain and be strong because in the long run you will find out where you stand where everyone is concerned.

Lisa

Answer 5

I had the same problem with my step daughter.

I completely blew a gasket one day and screamed, "I don't need to be your mom and I don't need to be your best friend but I need to be able to get along with you if you're going be here.  If you do not have the good manners or common sense to be civil to me in my own home then don't come here.  Just stay at your mothers.  If you cannot behave like a normal human being then you are not welcome here."  

And then I turned around to my husband and said, "And if you've got a problem with that then you can go to becasue I'm sick and tired of you not making any effort to teach that child some manners!"

She didn't return to our house for 2 years.  She and her dad still saw each other and spent time together but she chose not to come to our house.  When she did want to come back she asked her dad and he explained to her that she'd have to ask me and I'd probably expect an apology.  She did and now she comes over whenever she wants and we even helped her to buy a car.

I'm not sure if you're this far gone yet but I really meant it and had reached the point where I would have ended the marriage rather than tolerate any more abuse at the hands of that child.  I'm glad it worked out the way it did but I could have just as easily ended up single.