How to deal with a STUBBORN 2-year-old?

Question

I have a boy (5) and a girl (2). The girl is STUBBORN and difficult at times. I love her very much, but I need advice on how to deal with her. She gets angry very fast and screams a lot. I don't like to pick "fights" with her, but sometimes I need to so she doesn't think she can walk all over us. For example, this morning I asked her which shoes she wanted: sneakers or crocs. She said sneakers. I get the sneakers and socks and start to put the socks on. She says she now wants her crocs. I gave in because I didn't want to set her off, but I did tell her that she can't be doing this kind of thing. We go downstairs and I'm getting ready to take her to daycare. I give her her milk and she says she doesn't want it. I go to put it in the fridge and she changes her mind. I try to give it to her a second time and again she says she doesn't want it. This time it goes in the fridge TO STAY. Now she's screaming and throwing a fit about it. I remind her that she said TWICE that she didn't want it. So she screamed halfway to school and was mad and grumbley the rest of the time.

Am I handling this situation right? We didn't have these problems with my son. He responded to us taking what he said literally and learned if he wants something, not to play games with us. My daughter seems to be getting worse. And she is stubborn. She will not let things go. Anyone have a similar child? How'd you handle them? Does it get better?

Answer 1

Oh wow, we have a nephew just like that.  He is 2 going on 3 and he does the same thing.  One thing my brother and sister in law does it not give him a choice of clothing at 2 years old.  She lays his clothes out the night before and then that is what he wears that morning.  If he doesn't want his breakfast then they will put it aside until he does.  If he screams and hollers he gets a time out in the chair.  It took them awhile but I think he is catching on.  When he comes to auntie and uncles home he knows not to pull that with us because he can't get away with it.  We have five kids between us so we have been through the terrible two's a lot.  Don't give her a choice.  It is your choice and your decision.  She will eventually understand and realize that once she says something (if you give her a choice) then you all will take her first response.  Good luck.  

Answer 2

Man, I swear you must've written that about my kids! LOL My girl is the older of the 2 and my boy is the younger one and also very stubborn. Basically, your daughter is testing your boundries and is trying to see how far and long she can get away w/ acting in that manner. Don't do the 3-strikes-you're-out thing w/ her. She's too young and she'll know that she can push your buttons aka control you those 1st 2x and she'll take advantage of that. Give her a 1 strike option and stick to your guns!

If she can't make up her mind, then you need to do it for her. Sometimes you don't even need to let her choose things, like what shoes to wear, just pick them out and tell her that's what she's wearing. If she throws a fit, sit her in the corner for a few mins. Explain to her that when she stops crying, she may come out but under NO circumstances is that kind of tantrum to be tolerated!!!! Yeah, it's tought, but you have to remain consistent. W/ the milk thing, if that were my son and he said he didn't want it, then he's not getting it. Simple as that. Go ahead, throw a fit, kid! You're the one sitting in the corner! Not me!

Don't worry, it does get better. The 2nd one is usually the one that makes you wonder why you had children to begin w/! LOL I always say that God gives you a good child the 1st time around to trick you into having the 2nd! LOL I love my children dearly, but for some reason, that 2nd one wears you out! Even in my own family (I'm 1 of 3 girls), my parents talked about how draining my middle sister was. My son is now 4 and he knows mine and my husband's limits and when he tries to test them, we nip it in the butt right then and there. When he's calm, I explain to him that there's no need to act that way and if he wants something, then he needs to ask nicely. 2 yrs old is old enough for her to learn "please" and "thank you." Tell her when she's being good and reward her for that. Call her out on her bad behavior and punish her for it. She'll learn. Don't worry! Be patient and firm!  

Answer 3

My 23 month old can be stubborn but somethings I don't give her a choice. I am the adult and ultimately I will make the last decision. As far as dressing. She don't have a choice because I dress her for 1 the daycare and 2 by the weather. So what she wants to wear isn't an option for school days. If  and when I do ask her if she wants something and she says no then that's that. I don't play the back and forth, yes and no with her. Don't get me wrong, I am no military mom and she isn't a great child either. I still get the screams and tantrums at times. But in the end I am the mommy and the winner. I don't let her run me. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I think you have spoiled your daughter with giving her to much lead way. She has taken that lead way and ran with it. Now its getting out of control. You can still get a handle on it. It will take time and patience. Good Luck

Answer 4

My youngest was like this but I'm just as stubborn so we had like a month of this c**p and I just did not give in, like with the shoes I would have told her to go get the shoes she wants and bring them to me so I can help her put them on, let her go and get them , she needs to feel like a big girl and like she has control, with the milk same thing, I know she's young but don't let her push you around they try to see what their limits are and how much they can get away with...just don't give in and when the screaming starts just act like you don't hear her, my son learned really fast that this will get him nowhere...good luck and stay strong!!  

Answer 5

I actually have the same problem that you have right now. All children are different, the terrible 2's especially. They are at the age of learning independence, (Yes it's driving us nuts). This situation just requires more patience and tolerance. (Like I said they are learning independence, and within child development that's actually an active healthy thing). As for my son, now I just let him cry, whenever he has a fit. It has not gotten better yet. It's like us going to a battle that we cannot win. Hope things get better with you and your child.

Answer 6

If you know something may cause problems, like the sneakers/crocs questions take away her choice.  Decide for her what she will wear and put it on with only the discussion of you are wearing sneakers and socks for today.  As far as the temper tantrums go, give her one choice, if she says she doesn't want something put it away, don't let her change her mind and ask for it back.  She'll probably throw a temper tantrum regardless, just be ready ahead of time.  As for the temper tantrums as long as she is the only one involved and there is no chance of her getting hurt, go about your routine as if she isn't there screaming (ignore her).  When she is done ask her if she is ready to join you (play, get dressed, whatever she was doing).  Right now she is testing barriers, seeing how far you bend and just what it takes for you to bend some more.