How to deal with a horrible step mum.?

Question

My step-mum is absolutely horrid towards me. She has a daughter who is going to college in London in September and she is always comparing me to her and putting me down.

I'm 13 and she and my dad have been married for 2 and a half years.

I used to like her but recently I have began to hate her, for many reasons.

Under my bed i have loads of old clothes which sometimes get sorted and taken to a local charity shop. Now, her daughter is quite literally a twig, she is so thin and I'm, well, not fat but not anorexic. Anyway, one day she was sorting the clothes and she goes '"Gosh Freya, I can't believe you wouldn't fit into these clothes Daniella (her daughter) wore when she was your age."

I felt so insulted because it was like saying I'm fat. And even if she thinks I'm fat, she could at least keep it to herself."

When I told my real mum, she went mad saying that she had no right to say that to me and stuff like that.

My friends are always saying that I'm thin and i shouldn't let her tell me different.

My dad doesn't seem to notice when shes nasty to me (especially about fitness/weight). Apart from once when he told me to get my "Skinny Backside" off the computer chair so my friend could sit down. She laughed and said "Skinny?!?!" as if she was implying i wasn't or something. That time he had a go at her.

She is really cheeky too. There was some lesbians at the pub who were slightly over weight. She kept going "Fat Lesbians!!" I was so shocked because for one, i never thaught of her as a homofobe and secondly she can talk because she goes to weight watchers because she is over weight.

Just a few more things -

She once (recently) implied that my mum is poor saying that "I wouldn't have been able to go to a concert if my dad hadnt taken me because my mom cant afford a car"

Any advise on trying to ignor her?

Also any reasons why she might be like this?

She always snaps at me and gives me sarcastic answers when i ask her things.

During a test week at school, she made me late and I got into trouble.

Answer 1

One thing i hate in life is wasting time. Stop this by following a simple but devious plan.

For a week or month, (get a dictaphone) and record every last bit of her s**+tty behaviour and then infront of everyone and i mean everyone play it.

I did it once to a back stabbing friend that was affecting the lives of everyone she knew. It taught her a harsh but fast lesson and saved her an *** kicking.

Don't be afraid because the ones that give a d**n about you will stick up for you.

Or video it and shame her on YouTube

Answer 2

My mother always put me down for my weight too. You have to ignore it. She has her own issues with weight and is trying to rub it off on you. The effects of her talking like that have affected her own daughters as well even though it may not seem like it. Have a talk with your dad and tell him that she is always putting you down for your weight even though you are healthy and it is hurting your self esteem.

When she says something to you, tell her back that she is offending you and that you are a healthy weight and ask her to stop. If she doesn't stop, go back to your dad about this issue. She is hurting you emotionally and that is something that your dad must handle.

Remember that the wight issue is HER issue, not yours. Do not let her continue to beat you down on something that is not an issue for you. Her emotional baggage should not be yours, so just ignore her as best as you can. I had to ignore my own mother when I was younger because she was bulimic and called me fat all the time even though you couldn't even pinch some fat on me back then. It hurt my self esteem and I still have issues accepting my body the way it is, even though it is fine. I just have to remind myself all the time.

Answer 3

She seems jealous of you, ignore her comments and go and live with your real mum

Answer 4

go and live with your real mum.

Answer 5

You sound like your living in a modern fairytale with a mean step mum :P

Loads of people have problems with step mums so don't feel like your alone!

Maybe she is going through a rough time at the moment and is trying to let out her anger on others. If her daughter is going to college she might be having problems with accepting that her daughter is growing up.

She could also be having problems with your father which is why she is trying to undermine your mum.

As for the weight comments, don't worry because she does seem jealous of you! If your happy with your weight and you know that she isn't telling the truth there is no reason to dwell on her thoughts.

I hope this makes you feel a little better!

Don't worry :)

x*x

Answer 6

i agree with the first answer. it might not be you yourself that she is jeleous of, but more along the lines of jeleousy itself. of the time you might take with your dad (perfectly normal and right) of you being in her eyes more mature, prettier, thinner accompished than her own daughter. i would say the reason now, and not 2 years ago, is becuase you probably have grown a bit. iwould talk to your dad-the things she is saying, she has no right too. inform him that if she keeps it up and he doesn't interfere it might hurt your relationship with him-after all if he doesn't stand up for you , who will? '

also-i don't care if your mom was a gutter rat on drugs,and lived in a box, she still has no right to say a word about your mother in any context, unless it is respectful. my hubbys wife is horrible and is immature when it comes to her son. i have never and will never say anything remotely bad to him or infront of him that is one thing step parents should keep to themselves or discuss maturely with the other parent.  

Answer 7

I would just get your dad and sit him down and have a talk about her. And how you think she is treating you and how you think she should change!

Answer 8

She is probably missing her own daughters and hasnt yet figured out that she can love you too. You two need bonding. You need to talk with her, not yell at her and tell her how much you want her love and respect her. Tell her that sometimes you act very naughty and disrespectful and you dont mean to but youre only a kid. Tell her you have a long overdue, very hard spanking coming to you. I know it sounds crazy but you wouldnt believe how bonding a spanking given without anger can be for a young girl and a woman of authority. It would really show her that you except her as a mother figure.

Answer 9

Tell her your sick of it dont let her push you around. I like the other suggestion about the video thing. =D But also talk to your dad about it, tell him you are sick of her being so mean to you and if she doesnt stop you are moving in with your mum.