How to deal with a "toxic" mother?

Question

My mother verbally abused me as a kid and though it was funny to do because she claimed that my dad didn't take care of home.

My dad worked 2 jobs and never abused her, but she abused him verbally and physically try to fight him.

Well at any rate, when I was about 10, she made a joke about me being a "mistake" to someone. Also, she put me down by saying that I am no good, a liar, and other mean things. To end when I was in high school about become accepted to a college, she would not let me go because her statement to me was "you are going to stay here and go to school here and take care of me".

I am seeing professional help to deal with the mess that she put me through and move on in my life. Now the question is: It is my fault that I didn't do anything to stop the verbal abuse she did to me when I was 10-17 years old?

And last, how and what to do and say to her once and for all, because,I moving out of the State of Michigan in the middle of 2009?

Thanks

-R

Answer 1

wow your mom is horrible, just tell her you're an adult and can do whatever you want. and if that means moving away from her, than so-be-it.

good luck, and i hope you go to a good college!  

Answer 2

First of all and most importantly, it is not your fault.  You were a child; she was the adult.  It was her place to love and nurture you and she didn't.  

Moving away from her may be the best thing that could ever happen to both of you.  

Lastly, it may be time for you to break all ties with her.  The truth is she may never be able to be the mother and the loving person you need.  If she isn't and only brings you down, then as sad as it is, move on with your life.  

Keep seeing your therapist and working on your issues.  Remember you are a good person and you deserve better.