How to deal with a sister who cares about only herself?

Question

My sister lives in the same state as our 65 year old Mom and recently Mom lost everything.

My sister over the years has lived with me several times for free and also with out Mom for free.

Now that Mom needs help she wants her to stay with me and my family 50 percent of the year even thought my moms doctors are not here and her insurance will not work here for doctor visits.

My sister has nothing to do with our father who lives by her because he did not give her emotional support or $ when she needed it . (she says)

I feel like such a sucker for helping her and more so when I look back at how she turned me down when I needed help.

My Mom has some mental issues that i would rather not expose my son to , yet I am going to have to since my sister only cares about herself.

I am so mad at her and have told her caalmly how I feel and she just hangs up or ignors me.

How do you deal with someone like this , i mean I have to deal with her since we have the same Mom.

She wants mom to drive across the us to get here and it would not be safe for her.

I am at my wits end.

Answer 1

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I have a brother like this.  Once I realized that I couldn't make him see the light, it was somewhat easier. He's responsible for his choices and he'll have to answer for them.  I think some people have to learn the hard way. In the meantime, it sounds like things are going to be more difficult before they get better.  Your mom does need you and it sounds like her options are limited.  Are there any shelters (BTW, there are some excellent, loving shelters) for mentally ill people in your area?  Does she receive Medicaid?  Does she get ISS?  If she does, she may qualify for some type of assisted living program.  Contact the NAMY organization in your area to see what they suggest. God bless.

Answer 2

Confront your sister. Since she doesnt listen to you , get family members on your side and tell her how you guyz feel, kind of like an intervention.

Answer 3

Since she hangs up on you, write her a very long letter detailing everything you and your mother have done for her in the past and your feelings on the current situation. Of course, she may decide not to read the letter, or still ignore you, but at least you said your bit. Make it clear to her that if she can't be bothered to step up to the plate, then you and your mom will no longer be willing to help her in any way, shape or form. Unfortunately we can't pick our relatives. Hang in there.    

Answer 4

I think you should try something similar to an intervention.

A year ago, in high school, i used to be really obnoxious and all, and then the guys would plan this sort of intervention.....

anyway, try getting family members,  friends, people who know the situation over the years, and get everybody to tell her what they think about her selfishness. By the time, u're done, (maybe an hour) telling her what a self-centered person she is. She's likely to feel really really bad. YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER FEEL LIKE THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD! MAKE HER FEEL LIKE THE INGRATE THAT SHE PROBABLY IS!!! TELL HER EVERYTHING SHE'S DONE OVER THE YEARS! the little and big ones alike....

Then when everyone's gone,you be the good sister and tell her that she can change.....that you can help her......that you know deep down, she really wants to be a better person.....and then.........hopefully, u'll be able to get her to 'turn a new leaf'

Answer 5

As harsh as it sounds, Do nothing, for either of them.  They are both grown, and, from the sounds of it, you have a home and family to deal with now.  Tell them you will be a ear for them to sound off to, and try to give them good advice, but that's where it ends. Your current family takes the top spot in your life now.