How to deal with a troubled 10 year old?

Question

I have a 10 year old son who is very bright and loving when he wants to be. My problem is that I have a 5 year old and a new boyfriend and he is physical and emotionaly abusive to all of us mostly me and his younger brother. He never listens and throws tantrums if he doesn't get his way he has this I hate you attituted and he always says it to me, he has seen alot of abuse when I was with his father. How can i get him to realize that we all love him and we don't want him to go down the wrong path in life. How do i get those tantrums to stop. Please can some one help me.

Answer 1

My mom made me go to thearapy for this and I still do, ask him questions like what is wrong,  did I do anything wrong,, what can I do to help? He is not mad at you he is mad at himself, but doesn't know it, he has alot of presere let him relax and help him relize it. You having a boyfriend, he is hurt on the inside, and he really needs help. Soon tese words will become facts he will become angry and hate you for having a divorce with his Father. He misses him make him think of happy times.Explain why you broke up with is dad. This happened to me and I'm now 11, rage is growing in me and is about to burst out. Hurry before it's to late.

Answer 2

get rid of the bf.  problem solved.  then, start paying more attention to your children.  listen to them when they talk and hold them more.

Answer 3

I guess you don't remember puberty.  Obviously that is part of the problem.  The only way to stop the tantrums is to ignore them.  HE throws those fits to get your attention.  Rather than focus on his negative behavior start focusing on his postive behavior.  You are obviously giving more attention to him when he is "bad" and not enough when he is "good" so he is going to act out in the way that gets the most attention.

Answer 4

it may sound harsh, but other than counseling, your going to have to get that kid in check. my 12 y/o stepson was being a brat for the longest time cause his mom bailed on him. but i had to sit down, and kinda start yelling at him. he still can be a brat but he isnt so violent and hateful. ya just gotta tell him that the c**p he is pulling isnt acceptable. what also worked for me is he was being rude and ungrateful when my foot was broken and i was in a cast up to my knee, walking around on crutches and i needed help one day and he got a tude and blurted out i have to do everything around here. so i was like "kid you wanna see what its like to do everything..." i made him cook for everyone, do his own laundry, do the dishes and clean the house. that made his little punk butt get back in line real quick. and he apologized.

*edit*

Im sorry, this is just my oppinion.... i do believe children should come first. but i dont believe a mother that has needs should go without a relationship just because her little boy is throwing fits. This is a problem with a lot of people. That would be the source of the problem when people want to know why their children are whiney little brats. Its because they always get their way. your son is growing up and adjusting to new things. its just going to take time. and patience. and possibly a good butt whoopin. but that doesnt mean you have to sacrifice your wants and needs completely.

Answer 5

I think your son is acting out because of the abusive situation. He probably feels the need to protect you and his young brother but feels powerless. It sounds like you are in a terrible situation and need to get yourself and those kids into a safe environment. You need to get out, if not for your sake, for your kids. Dont allow your children to be treated this way. A child should not see this terrible environment as the norm (as he has with his own father and your boyfriend) a child deserves to be a child and have a happy and carefree childhood. Abuse often goes in cycles through generations.........Get out....give those poor kids a chance of happiness

Answer 6

you need to put yourself on the back burner and put your kids needs first.  what i mean by this is you don't need a boyfriend until your kids are grown and you are done raising them.  obviously there are problems in the home that are not getting taken care of.  you need to give him more attention and listen to him.  His tantrums will improve when he knows his mom has put him first.

In my opinion, when you have children with someone, YOU have the obligation to RAISE them.  YOU and then FATHER.  When that is not possible, you can raise them BY YOURSELF.  when you had children you made the commitment to put those children FIRST.  I come from a divorced mother who had boyfriend after boyfriend and i never felt like i was #1.  I love her to death now and she is my best friend, but I think my mom was wrong when she was always preoccupied w/ a boyfriend.  Again, no offense, this is only MY OPINION.  thank you.

Answer 7

1) Give a warning first. Explain the action that was wrong and let him know what will happen the next time.

2) No warning here, take the child by the arm, (he will fight you) bare his bottom and secure him. Give him a good 5 or 6 swats until he is crying and promising to be good.

3) Sit him down, tell him you love and let him knows this is what happens when he's naughty from now on.

It works like a charm.  The tantrums will stop.