How to deal with an Unfriendly Neighbour?

Question

I was wondering if anyone can point me to any good websites or books on how to deal with an unfriendly neighbour.

I have lived in my apartment for just over a year now. When I first moved in I said Hi to the women who lives in the house next door a couple of times, she never said Hi back, so I stopped.

She finally spoke to me today for the first time, to tell me not to drive on the end of her driveway because it is private property and if she sees me do it again she will call the city and complain. I obviously will stay off it, even though it is a lot easier to get into my parking space that way. It is her property after all so I respect that.

I have just never had any problems dealing with any neighbours, I have always been friends with them. I just wish I was friends with this women. I know she has something against my landlords, something to do with when her daughter rented from them. I really do not care what the issue was and do not think it should affect my relationship with her.

Any ideas how to build even a courteous relationship with her, we do not have to be best friends, just a "hey how are you" "good and you" would be nice.

Answer 1

Your neighbor clearly has a social problem and compounds it by being rude to someone, you, who has no responsibility for previous problems between her and a third party.  If you choose to give her another chance to act civilly, you can try a gesture of friendliness that cannot be misconstrued as anything other than kindness.  Bake or buy a pie, cake, or other goodie and stop over with half of it.  Tell her that you have no one to share a perfectly good dessert with and you would like to offer her half of the bounty.  If she still rejects you or reacts poorly to your offer, tell her you're sorry to have bothered her and leave.  That pretty much means she is hopelessly foolish for looking a gift horse in the mouth and is not likely to change.  Then, either find another dwelling or simply ignore her.  On the other hand, I have witnessed the birth of more than one friendship based on a good pie or cake!  Usually, people like your neighbor have underlying problems which cause inappropriate behavior toward those who don't deserve it.  

Good luck.

Answer 2

Buy the book, or get it from library, "Instant Rapport."  I forget the author but type it in Barnes and Noble or something....

Rapport is relationship building with someone by talking, body language, etc.  This book regards getting along with anyone to get something out of them, dealing with them, or even avoiding them if necessary.  

You can change who you are for seconds and get yourself into, or out of any conversation.  You can make the person not only listen, but mimic your actions and make them need to listen.  

Answer 3

You seem really friendly and I wish I lived near you! :D However, this women is not wanting to be your friend. Even though you want to be hers, she doesn't want your friendship and to honest, she doesn't deserve it...

Just avoid her. I know it hurts a little, because you want to be sociable, but you've tried! The first thing she ever says to you is a demand. It's not your problem she doesn't care for the landlord.

See this as a sign that she is NOT a person to befriend. It could end badly. Listen to your instincts and pay attention to how she's treated you in the past.  

Answer 4

I'm no etiquette expert, but I can tell you what I think you should do =)

It does seem like she just has associated negativity with your address and possibly just the fact that it is a rental and you aren't a fellow home-owner. She maybe feels there is not any point in a neighborly relationship with someone who is "just renting" and could be gone anytime, who doesn't have anything "invested" in the neighborhood, etc.

If I were you I'd buy her some small gift of food (or bake something if you're into that and good at it), and leave it at her mail box, and put a note apologizing for the use of her driveway and saying something about how I don't want to be an annoyance but she is welcome to discuss any issues with me or just drop by for a chat, hope to see her around and best wishes. Then drop it, and figure the ball's in her court. Because maybe, she is just a very private person too, and you don't want to impose, just to make it clear that you are conscientious and friendly. And maybe after that she will recognize her obligation to say hi.

Answer 5

You don't!! And you don't have a "relationship" with her either.

Just go about your business and that's it.