How to deal with an ex-husband who..?

Question

keeps making "threats"? Our custody papers are supposed to be signed soon...like... this week, when our lawyers get back from they summer vacations. But when he came to pick up our child, I had a male friend of mine at my house, helping out my parents build their garage. He asked me who the guy was, and I told the truth, that it was my friend X. (Yeah, should had found a lie... dammit).

Well, when he had our child, he called me, telling me it was probably my boyfriend (which he isn<t), and that he didn't find it "fair" that another guy would spend more time with his child then him (he's a deadbeat dad, he is allowed way more visitation then what he uses, doesn';t pay his CS, never helped with the child, etcetc). I told him X is just a friend, but he didn't believe me, and now threatens that if I do find myself a boyfriend (mind you, he is apparently ENGAGED (we're not yet divorced) to his ex-mistress, whom he cheated on me with and left me for, and got pregnant after maybe 4 months with her), that he'd want joint custody because it wouldn't be "fair" if I get a BF and end up living with another man. Our custody papers that he AGREED to sign get me sole custody, him visitation every other weekend... he had AGREED to it, but now the thought I might have a bf (I've been single for over a year, my priority is my child!), makes him threaten everything again.

How do I deal with that? I've told him my personal life is none of his business, not to enquire about that, and that the guy is ONLY a friend! My parents needed help, and he's a great friend so he helped!

I'm just at lost on what to do to keep the peace so the papers get signed... I've made many compromises, but I'm tired of his attitude, and him thinking that because I am taking care of our child all the time, then I;m not entitled to have a relationship...

Answer 1

Just do what it takes to get the papers signed, and after that absolutely refuse to discuss your life with the jerk.

Answer 2

Just keep on lying to him about that other man!  Tell him you would rather just be single right now and don&#039;t let him see that other guy around till the papers get signed!  Who cares what he says just stick to your lie, lie out of your a** if you have to,,Im happy being single,  I don&#039;t want a relationship right now,  and push those papers to get signed as soon as you can!! Once the papers are signed then OMG you changed you mind and decided you were ready to have a realationship!  He lied to you when you were together so who cares your not together the A hole don&#039;t deserve anything good from you!!  All you have left to do once those papers get signed is laugh at his stupid, lieing, cheating a**!!!  

Answer 3

Stop worrying about what he feels, and live your life, He is your ex and should be treated has a ex, If he ask about the guy at the house, tell him you are just using the guy for s*x, because  he is so good at it. Your ex is only trying to p**s you off, if you let him do that he wins. If he is engaged ( trust me he is not ) he is doing it to p**s you off. Next time he talks about being &quot;engaged&quot; you tell him how happy you are for him, and that you wish you could get engaged too, but at this time you only want to have s*x and fun. It will p**s him off and you can laugh you *** off later. Stop trying to explain who you are seeing, IT IS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS. Stop compromises, it is a nice touch, but not if you are the only one doing it. He do not want to fight of the kids, he just want to p**s you off more. Trust me &quot;been there done that&quot;. If you want to p**s him off more, tell him that you both can work it out with the attorneys, and if he wants joint custody the that can we work out, just like child support can be worked out. Just let him know if he wants all of that then you both need it in writing. Just let him know that if he does not do what you both sign on for, he can have his pay check taken and can find himself back in  court&quot;.

Answer 4

He is making threats that wont account to anything, i would not worry about it.

If he changes and applies to joint custody then get a good lawyer and fight your side, the judge will do whats best for the child, all you have just mentioned can be used against him. Dont not have a life because of this person as thats what he wants, its a power trip to him.

You have every right to do as you wish as a parent aslong as its not putting your child at risk!!

Answer 5

It&#039;s sad isn&#039;t it, gottalov?  Men can be such possessive hypocrites.  I hate to see you have to go through this because you don&#039;t deserve it.  He just wants a harem.  You&#039;re attached to him through your child and he doesn&#039;t wanna&#039; share.  SMH  Well, it&#039;s about time he grows up and faces reality.  If he&#039;s not completely happy with whom he&#039;s already with, he should&#039;ve thought about that before he cheated and left you.  Men always miss what they HAD, never appreciating what they have in the present.  The important thing to do is to keep peace with yourself.  Remain happy and keep your child happy.  Do what you have to do to keep him at bay so that you and your child remain safe; even if that means a restraining order.  He created this situation himself so your hands are clean.  Keep your head high and know that God has your back.

Answer 6

He&#039;s full of bs.  You don&#039;t have to tell him about your private life, that is why he&#039;s an exhusband.  As long as this new bf is decent don&#039;t worry yourself.

Answer 7

All you do is smile and keep the peace.  All the while keep it in the back of you mind that his new relationship is on a timer.  He cheated with her he will cheat on her.  Smile because in the end you will still have the last laugh!

Answer 8

He is not respecting his boundaries in the relation with you. Ask to him show respect toward you not asking this kind of questions. You are divorced, he has not rights to ask questions about your private life and have a distant attitude, only say h**l ow and Good By.

Answer 9

Please keep in mind that custody cases are never closed, the court reserves the right to see to it that the child is properly taken care of..

Hold off on any relationships conserning males until your divorce is final, otherwise it will invite trouble.

This guy is a clsssic Jerk you are doing well to seperate yourself and your child from him.  

Keep a detailed diary as to how much child support he is paying just in case you need it in the future..

Answer 10

anger, bitterness, and resentments are showing on his part..try to have as little of contact with him only when necessary..

Answer 11

It seem like he wants you back .. If he cheated on you and made a girl pregnant do yourself a big favor stop talking to a jerk like that ...  

Answer 12

What a cry baby, oh my god what wimp. I can&#039;t belive it, tell him that if he does not sign the papers you will sue him for child support and all that he doesn&#039;t has. I know exactly how you feel, I&#039;m was going thorgh a similar situation with my ex wife. Iwas paying chikld support and a lot of other stuff I shouldn&#039;t be liable to pay soshe would give me a clean peacefull divorce, but she was really taking advantage of my good will. I got fed up sued her, I eventually dropped the law suit and we reached an agreement. But the poin tis you need to grab him by the b**ls and show him that you are tired of his bs and wont take anymore.

If he doesn&#039;t like it then sue him and take full custody of your son, that will send him a clear message. Since you are playing nice he thinks he wil always get his way.  

Answer 13

he&#039;s an a*****e who&#039;s just mad that he f**ked up with you and you moved on. Ignore him. and tell your lawyers what he says and does. that&#039;ll burn him up!

Answer 14

Too much drama......Play it cool, and try to ignore the soon to be X.

Answer 15

Just move on with your divorce, and tell him  you have forgiven him from what he has done to you. the only thing you need to ever discuss with him is your child and nothing else. He is just guilty, and trying to throw off on you, although he is wrong, for committing adultery, and fornicating. Because you are still married, don&#039;t get involved until you are legally divorced. but do document all of his threats, you may be able to use them against him in a court of law, and also to prove his instability to be a role model and best choice as a parent. your child doesn&#039;t need to see a parent demonstrating violence, threats, lies and fear. Your child should see love, nurturing, kindness, helping, support, respect,and peace. If he keeps up his behavior, he may end up having supervised visits with your child, or no visits at all.Also, he found out that the grass is not greener on the other side as he thought it would be in his other relationship.

Answer 16

Just tell him that as long as you cant have another man around your child he cant have another woman around your child and that you will stipiulate it in your custody papers.That may scare him into letting it go or threaten him that you will prove him unfit and will take his custody away.He has more visitation rights then he uses so that shows how little he wants to be dad!

Answer 17

I, too, have an ex that prefers to be lied to... he seems happier that way.

I have a couple of them for you, off the top of my head

1.  Actually, that guy, he has a sister that you have a crush on and you&#039;re thinking about playing for the other team because you&#039;re curious

2.  He&#039;s absolutely right - when you have a man move in, you&#039;ll give him shared custody because you&#039;ll be needing &#039;grown up&#039; time.  

But seriously, he&#039;ll get alternate weekends, holidays, and 2 to 4 weeks in the summer regardless of how the custody is worded - sole, shared, joint - it&#039;s all the same. Let him word it how he wants it - won&#039;t change a thing at your house.  And he doesn&#039;t have to agree to anything - that&#039;s what the courts usually appoint as &#039;standard visitation agreement&#039;. You Don&#039;t Need His Signature! (but you don&#039;t have to tell him that, &quot;just to keep the peace)