How to deal with bullying?

Question

I know this question has been asked in the past, but i'm looking for comments from parents who have experienced this. My son will be 10 next week and there is this boy who lives down the street that is 11 but they are in the same grade (he was held back in 1st grade). These two started out as friends but then over the years it has changed. One day they will be friends and the next day they are fighting. Last year the minute they got off the bus they got into a shoving match which the bus driver saw and reported to the school. Both boys got after school detention for it. It has now escalated to where this boy will start tormenting my 5 yr old daughter. Last night my kids were in our front yard playing and the boy and a few other kids were playing in the circle in front of our house (we live on a cul-de-sac), well my daughter walked over to her little friends house that is 3 houses over and he started chasing her and calling her names.

Answer 1

kids are kids let them fight

Answer 2

Is there a man at your house?  If so, I'd suggest he start making his presence known in the neighborhood.  Have him go outside and sit and watch while this little punk runs around.  Most boys aren't afraid of women, but they'll run like rabid dogs when a man shows up.  You need to continue protecting your kids and make sure they know that if someone assaults them, you are perfectly all right with them using whatever means necessary to defend themselves.  Get them into a martial arts program. Don't let them grow up thinking that kindness will win the bully over. That only happens for Mother Goose!

Answer 3

This is going to sound ignorant and old fashioned, but just listen anyway. Obviously, I'm sure you'd love to beat the c**p out of the little b*****d and his parents, but because of moral and legal ramifications, cannot do so. A family friend had a similar problem with her son when he was in school. This kid would pick on him daily and physically assault him. After weeks of this, she was sick of her son coming home battered by this kid. So she told her son, "Tomorrow, when you go to school, I want you to beat the **** out of that kid. If you don't, when you come home, I'm gonna beat the **** out of YOU!" Of course she had no intention of harming her son, but he went to school and wailed on the kid. You know what? The bully never bothered him again.

Answer 4

How frustrating. The obvious first reaction would be to address the situation with the other boy's parents, but obviously that didn't go so well. If I were in your situation, I would do 2 things.

First, I would invite the other boy's mother over for a cup of coffee and dessert at a time when an incident has not happened in a few days (that way, you can both be calm). I would explain, "I have noticed that my little Timmy has had a hard time getting along with your little Johnny. I have done A, B, and C to resolve the tension. I do hope the boys can try to be friends again."

The other thing I would do is go to the school, and find out about the Health program there. It is usually rare for schools to teach Health at grades K-5, but if they have a good program, then they will have plans in place to address and prevent bullying. If they do not have a good Health program, then they can take a lesson from the Michigan Model, which does address bullying at every grade level. Push to have the children be taught a unit on bullying by the end of the school year, and hopefully your efforts could prevent others from being bullied as well.

By the way, I have never been a parent. But I hope your efforts pay off.  :)

Answer 5

This same exact situation was happening to my kids until last week!

My 9 year old son has a friend who he is on and off with all the time. My daughter who is 7 also plays with the little boys younger sister. The bully was always picking on my daughter calling hr names and even pushing her sometimes.

Well last week while the kids where playing together, the bully hit my 7 yr. old daughter in the face, My 9 yr. old son taught him a lesson he won't forget! I was so proud of him even though we don't condone fighting!  But hey if he was protecting his sister he did the right thing.

A few days ago the bully and his dad came to our house and the boy apologized. Since then everything has been fine, I guess the bully got a good taste of what being picked on felt like.

Answer 6

Hello, what we have done is to invited their parents over for a cook out or dinner, and you would be surprised that the "bad child" will actually not do anything in front of their parents.  We will even talk in front of the kids at how nice they are to each other (even though we are kidding of course).  Just watch the look in the kids eyes, they will be a dead give away if the parents already know if their kid is a bully or not.  It may take a couple of times of get togethers, but trust me it worked like a dream.  

If the problem occurs while at school, the principle should be made aware at least to observe their behaviours.  

Edna

Answer 7

I'm sorry I don't have the answers you are looking for. I'm having the same problem with my 10 yr old son but it is only at school.  The other boy doesn't live near us.  I think though at this point I would call the police and ask them if there is any thing you can do legally.  It doesn't sound like the parents are concerned at all.

Answer 8

the situation is such that even if u want u cannot deal with it the way it should be done! as the best and worst teachers for the children are their parents themselves! But in this case the bully does not feel the need to change as he has his parents behind him!

But regarding your children , u r taking the right decision! Don't think that by calling ur children in to play with their friends in a way u r punishing them, instead make that more attractive by adding a treat or two like offering juice or may be chicken nuggets while game time! this will not only help ur son avoid the bully's company but would also make him happy as he has nothing to lose! Good luck!

Answer 9

Maybe the two boys could sit down and talk it over, if they were once friends...something must have happened. It's not the typical bully situation, I think. Therefore it's important that you know the background. I understand that you were so mad when he was chasing your daughter though, it's one thing if two boys of the same age are mad at each other, but it's another thing for a 11 year old boy to hit at a 5-year old girl. Maybe you should talk to his parents again about that. That's an absolute no-go.