How to deal with controlling and abusive mother

Question

i am a 29 years old woman living away from my 59 years old abusive mother, she was physically and verbally abusvie all my life (putting me down on a daily basis). 5 years ago my dad died (due to stress of living with her), she wanted me and my sister do everything for her yet she is never happy. 3 months ago i have got a new job and I called her to tell her the good news, to my surprise, she wasn't happy for me, she told me that 'there is nothing to be happy about', after that i stopped calling her, now she asks everyone to ask me to call her, yet she wouldn't call me, only waiting me to call first. My questions is why did she wait for me to call first? whats the big deal about this?

Answer 1

I understand i have ben beaten by my mom on several occasions when i was young now i am 14 years old and she continues to hit me and swear at me

Answer 2

That was not a supportive comment your mother made to you about your job. A normal healthy mother would not say this. She would have said something along the lines of congratulations or that is fantastic honey. These are supportive nurturing comments. It is sad that mothers have so many problems of their own that they themselves cannot be a nurturing, kind, supportive mother to the children they bring into this world.

What I don't get most about emotionally abusive mothers is that by being emotionally abusive. One is not going to get the love they need, that they so deparately desire. So I have read. Maybe misery only wants company and they are going to may you their miserable company?

Here are a few websites you might find helpful depending on your situation.  www.associatedcontent.com ;Free yourself from a controlling, ungrateful mother 10 things you can do.  ezinearticles.com ;controlling mother cutting the apron strings and www.counsellingresource.com; contolling mothers.

Answer 3

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.  I am a 44 year old woman and also have a very manipulative, verbaly abusive mother.  I have also been married for 21 years and have a wonderfull relationship with my three daughters who are now in their late teens.  My husband and daughters had witnesed my mothers verbal abuse towards me for the first 17 years of my marriage.  Mom and I have not spoken for the last 4.  I now realize that I can not change how my mother treats me.  For years I always had hope, hope that she would change how she treats me.  Her manipulation and verbal abuse bacame so bad that my husband told me if my mother yells or screams at me in front of him or our children one more time that it will be grounds for divorse.  My husband and daughters could not take it any more.  My mothers abuse affected my entire family.  Now, after 4 years of distance from my mother, I am becoming a less and less bitter and angry person.  Verbal, mental and emotional abuse can make a person bitter, with low self asteem and low self worth.  I now realize that she used these tactics to keep me under her control.  I also realize that I can not change her and I need to move on to what I feel is a more healthy life. You do not need to grow up!  You will be dealing with this for the rest of your life...if you let it.  You can not change her.  There is nothing anyone can tell you that will make her stop.  From my experience, she feels she is doing nothing wrong and you are the problem.  It will always be this way.  You will come to a time in your life when you won't be able to endure any more.  I chose no relationship.  It is not the way I would like things.  But my family has been very happy and at peace.  I think about her often, but I know that if I continue a relationship with my mother, my marriage will eventually be ruined.  The best of luck to you.  You need to make decisions that are right for you.  To have a healthy emotionsl and mental sense of yourself.

Answer 4

u should just leave her alone and maybe when she calls you she will possibly apologize. if she wants u to call her tell her that if she wants to see u then tell her to stop abusing u and ur family. tell her to apologize to God that she was doing that by going to church every Sunday. well really all i am trying to say is let her call u and say that when u see her tell her that u will report her to the police.

Answer 5

Sorry to hear. I had it bad to.
Now i see she is a miserable human being.
unhappy with herself. that's why she wants other people to suffer.
it has nothing to do with you.
start figure her out.
what is hurting her. her parents? What's her past like? Her child hood and where she lived and how.. find out evey thing about her first.

then you'll know what to do with it.

Answer 6

Ego and Power. It's also control issue.

this will never end unless you put your foot down.

I am writing a letter. Maybe you should to. Not a blaming letter but to let her know you are not a kid any more.

http://help.com/post/247735-how-do-you-deal-with-a-verbally-abu