How to deal with future mother in-law and brother in-law

Question

My future brother in-law is only 16 and is like 450 lbs. His mom let him eat whatever he wants. And he gets whatever he wants because she feels bad that he's fat. He will eat a whole jar of mayo in one day along with a whole package of cheese. He eats that everyday with supper. He hasn't been in school for 3 years and doesn't even go outside to get any type of excercise. He sits in front of the computer all night and most of the morning and sleeps during the day. He only wakes up to eat and play video games. I live with them and it's driving me nuts that she's practicly killing him. My boyfriend and their Dad ignores the situation, but I can't. I need some advice or therapy soon.

Answer 1

honestly its non of your business and the more you stress on it the more they dont care its their son and brother hes 16 and very well knows his condition im sure!  you cant somebody who wont change on their own. dont worry about it anymore just when you and your boyfriend have kids make sure this does not happen!

Answer 2

leave...asap. cuz u cant go up in their family trying to change things.

Answer 3

I'm sorry but you're not going to like my advice but I hope you're willing to listen.  The fact is, when you agree to marry someone, you are taking the groom-to-be plus his family - they come as a package.  Although your future BIL is annoying & it's wrong how his parents have chosen to raise him, it's pretty much none of your business.  When you have kids of your own, you can simply learn from their mistakes & choose to raise your own kids differently.  Also, since you're currently living with them, it's not your place to be putting your opinions out there.  It's their house, their child and their own perogative.  If it's that digusting or annoying, then I suggest you & your bf move out.  I hate to be a party pooper but if the 2 of you are having to live w/ his parents then doesn't that make you wonder if you guys are truly ready for the responsibility of being adult & being married?  It's never a good sign to me when a couple isn't financially ready heading into marriage considering money is the #! cause of arguments that lead to divorce. Goodluck w/ your situation.

Answer 4

Why is this affecting you so much?  Sure it's sad, but of all the people involved, it should hurt you the least.

If you're living with his family, I assume you're doing so because you don't have financial independence.  DO NOT GET MARRIED UNTIL YOU DO!!!!!!!  If you do, you will sell part of your soul.  If your inlaws help you with money, they have at least partial control of your life (especially if you're living there).  I've lived with family while married.  It's the quickest way to destroy a marriage.

Answer 5

Sounds like the mother is an enabler and a lost cause. Work on the son. If he is interested in video games or food then see if you an lure him out of the house with the promise of a new game or something. Take him to the mall and drag him around. Give him incentives to go for a walk. Get involved and get him motivated.  

Answer 6

Maybe invite the brother out for a walk or something or suggest that everyone take a stroll to the park.  Maybe even make it a picnic at least then he will have to do some walking before he eats.  

Answer 7

You're not going to change either the mother or the boy.

I certainly hope that you and your boyfriend are NOT going to live there after you are married!!  

Answer 8

This is really sad, something needs to be done before this turns into a serious medical problem if it hasn't yet. Is the mother an open-minded person who you could have a serious talk with? What does your Fiance say about this situation?  

Answer 9

you just dont

Answer 10

My goodness.

That boy will be dead in five years if nothing is done. Does your MIL not realise that what she is doing counts as child abuse?

The fact that the father and brother do nothing counts very much against them.

You can either accept what's happening, or you can leave. If I were you, I'd call in the child protection agency and tell them about this.  

Answer 11

You can't change either one of them.  But what you aren't truly thinking about yet is - when you marry your boyfriend, you get the whole family.  All of them.  All of their problems.

Do you truly want to spend your married life stressing over the stupidity and short-sightedness of your m-i-l and b-i-l?  Can you live with your husband ignoring a situation that is killing his brother and making you crazy?

IT DOESN'T GET BETTER FROM HERE.  If you can't handle the situation now, you surely won't be able to handle it 3 years or 5 years or 10 years from now.  And after your b-i-l dies of massive heart attack, stroke, diabetes, or whatever, are you going to blame your m-i-l for not being a better mother and a stronger person?

You're right to say you need therapy soon.  What you need is marriage counseling with your boyfriend and individual counseling for you.  Get a neutral third party to help you figure out why this situation is upsetting you so much, and have that third party help your bf figure out why he's willing to ignore it.  And then this neutral therapist can help you and your boyfriend decide how the two of you, as a married couple, will treat this issue....or if there's no way to reconcile your concern with your bf's lack of action.

I also want to agree with what several other people have said.  What are you doing living with your boyfriend's family?  Have the 2 of you only recently moved back to his home town and are moving out soon?  Please don't say you're just teenagers yourselves and are going to get married and live with them while you finish school.  The whole point of being married is to be adults and to be independent of parents.  If the two of you can't afford to support yourselves on your own, you aren't ready to get married at all.  

It's already glaringly obvious that you can't continue to live with his family.  But do find a marriage counselor or therapist to help you and your boyfriend figure out whether the two of you are honestly ready to deal with his family's problems on an adult, married-couple level.