How to deal with mate's addiction issues?

Question

my spouse has horrible behavioral problems when he's SOBER and not smoking pot. Has anyone experienced this? I know pot isn't that dangerous a drug and I've never known anyone else besides him that's become SO addicted that can't function without it.

i've noticed a pattern when he runs out and can't get it he gets angry and pops off easy to the point of physically harming me and becoming belligerent, paranoid, bullying--It's like jekyll and hyde-ish. I don't judge him but the more episodes of this the past few months, I'm realizing I don't feel the same for him as I used to.

I find myself saving money and making future plans without him--I felt this way when I was growing up. My father was cool to me when he drank but when he was sober he was a tyrannical nutcase who abused me and I lost empathy for him--and ran away all the time until I finally met my husband he promised to protect me and he rescued me from this hellish environment. I never dreamed my husband would be like this. He's not a bad person and it makes me sad because I feel like I'm losing him to a drug and I can't stop it. He says things that he later regrets and he's suspicious of the world, has a very jaded outlook like he expects people to be bad and try to get over on him so he has to project this tough guy facade and he says my sensitivity is weakness but I can't help who I am.

I need to hear from others who have gone thru this--I never thought pot could cause such mental health issues and to be honest, I dream of being away from him and I'm actually happy when I don't see him throughout the day. That's a new feeling and it scares me

Answer 1

Pot is going to cause behavior problems just like any other drug and when he doesn't have any. The body wants it needs it. I understand he may not be a bad person per say but unless he can see the power the drugs and alcohol have over him he won't get help. That new feeling is just a feeling of having peace.  Save up like you want and make future plans and when you have it together than leave with out giving notice.  

Answer 2

He's addicted and you are dealing with the drugs, not him.  Hate to tell you, but we often let folks into our life who are carbon copy of a dysfunctional parent.  Been there, done that, got the tee shirt.  My advice is to tell the guy either he gets treatment or you leave (or require he leave).  

Answer 3

I went through the same thing with my ex. It got to the point he would spend his whole pay check on it so I just told him loo smoke a little but you have got to chill I told him if he didn't he would end up losin me. After he lost me he stopped smokin but now he drinks more. So depending on the person some can get past it. Tell him to go to a detox center.  

Answer 4

He has an addiction problem. His problem is more than just the drug. He behavior is that of an addict. Even if he stops, he will become addicted to someone else. Its more so the addiction, than it is the drug. He's no better or no worse than the guy addicted to porno, or the women hooked on shopping, and the kid addicted to eating. He needs help, try getting him into counseling. Don't take no for an answer. Go with him, and do it together. If he can't break the cycle, then you should leave.

Answer 5

You cannot do anything to help him, he needs to be in rehab and you need to move out and away from him until he has gone through a program in rehab. When there is a situation that is this bad and you know he won't change you have to be the one to effect the change. If you stay with him you enable him to continue this lifestyle which will eventually destroy both of you. ANY drug is potentially harmful when abused to this extent.

Answer 6

Have you considered that he may have a mental issue?  I mean when he's on pot he's cool but when he's not he doesn't deal with life well. He is self-medicating to the point of being dangerous (as you can with any drug). He needs something for his life issues and not pot.  

Answer 7

Bingo! And yet another example of why marijuana is not "harmless."

You want my honest opinion? It's either you or the dope. Tell him you want him to quit and sign him up for some rehab or at LEAST a visit to his doctor. If he doesn't quit, or at LEAST make a legitimate effort, then you're best off leaving him. Think of it this way: when the cops finally catch him, YOU will get busted as an accomplice. That alone makes it not worth it. If he mistreats you, then it is even worse. You should never put up with mistreatment from someone who supposedly loves you, drugs or no drugs. Give him a chance to straighten out. If he refuses, you know where you stand. You are not his first priority or love. Is that what you really want from a relationship?

Good luck!