How to deal with my ex. and his new wife?

Question

My eldest son's (Neil) father (John) has suddendly popped up with a new wife along with 2 new kids and wants to be his sons life after 9 yrs! Problem is my son wants nothing to do with him and his bio-dad is blaiming me.I am getting now hounded by both him and his wife who thinks i'm the bad guy?Its driving me crazy but i would rather not go to court?

The backround is that while in college abroad in the U.K i met my eldest sons dad in Scottland. It was an immature party style romance and i did not realize this man had a drinking problem till i got pregnant.We got engaged but i left him because he came home(we shared a flat) one night drunk started a fight and started choking me.I returned to the states to my family/friends, started a friendship with my old highschool bf and 4 months later delivered my son Neil .After my son was born i tried contacting John sending him photos ect..but he said he wanted nothing to do with the baby.It took me an extra year but i finshed school with my BA, married my old HS bf (Eddie), and had my second son Alex . We remained married for almost 5 yrs before divorcing(he cheated) but to this day my eldest son Scott knowing its not his bio-dad still calls my ex. hubby dad .And my ex. hubby proudly tells people about his boys, see's them both regularly, and attends both of the sport activities.My ex.hubby pays for his bio-son and even though never adopted my eldest child he pays for all his sports activities...as well as other things if need be i emergency.My son loves my ex.hubby to death. But my sons bio-dad John does not understand that his son does not see him as dad and really does not want to see him!

Answer 1

Do you have letters from John that say he doesn't want anything to do with Neil, If so, show them to him>J> and also if Neil is old enough then neil needs to tell his bio to kiss off. he was never there while neil was growing up so why should he bother now. You may need to go to court and have Neil tell the judge his feelings. Tell him to go away. and don't answer the phone when they call.

Answer 2

well, if I were you, I would petition the court to sever his rights.  if he has had nothing to do with your child all of this time, and suddenly because he is now married wants to play house, I would tell him to shove it!!!  I would take his sorry butt to court and ask the judge to tell him to leave you alone.  the judge would get your son's side, and how he sees it.  and you could get your ex hubby in court to testify that he has and will continue to take care of your son.  once his rights are severed, there is nothing he can do.  once your son gets old enough to decide, he could choose whether or not to see his father.  

Answer 3

Does Neil's father still live in Scotland, or in the States?

Since he never supported his son, stated he didn't want to have anything to do with him, then he shouldn't bother you or your family.

You may want to contact a lawyer and have them advise you of your rights and how to get rid of that guy.

Answer 4

let his dad have visitations with you around. he can go to court and get a whole lot more without you around if you dont. give them time to get to know eachother. if they cant connect then it wont be your fault and then his dad will let it go. if they connect then it will fill a whole in your sons heart that he would of had to deal with when he got older. you can make it easier on your son if you allow the visits now. to you its unfair for him to pop up after all this time and want to be daddy all of a sudden,but you cant stop it. good luck....

Answer 5

Also i am remarried to a great women for the last 3.5 yrs with whom i have a 3 yr old daughter with and the constant phone calls are taking there toll on our whole family