How to deal with my overly emotional 6 year old boy?

Question

My son is 6 1/2 years old, very smart, right on target developmentally. Very loving and sweet. He is the middle of three boys, ages 9, 6 and 3.

He is SO incredibly dramatic though. Everything is an outright tragedy. It could be something as small as the shirt he wants to wear not being clean or us not having the exact flavor of yogurt he wanted that morning. He will collapse in a fit of tears at the smallest thing and is totally and completely inconsolable.

He is also very clingy. He'll hang on me, tell me he loves me about 50 times a day. He'll come over to hug me and he'll kiss me on the arm over and over until I tell him to stop (gently) and then he gets a very hurt look on his face and sulks.

If I tell him he can't have/do something right now, he wails and cries "NEVER?!" and collapses in tears saying I don't want him to do anything EVER!

I'm at my wits end. This is very over the top and has been going on for years. What do I do?! I've tried pos and neg reinforcement.

Answer 1

You have to do the pos/neg reinforcement x10 I am afraid.  It is hard to do but you have to.  My son does the same thing, crying uncontrollably when he hears a pretty song or such.  I have tried to do the consoling thing and it just gets worse.  I would ignore him till he gets under control.  If he just can't get under control you could try to distract him with a game.  But if he doesn't react positively then you have to go back to the ignoring.

Answer 2

I'm not sure what the "correct" answer is, but I do have a word of advice....DO NOT MEDICATE!!!!!  I beg you- there's no better way to ruin a child. Hang in there and he'll outgrow it.

Answer 3

I am glad to know that my 6yr old is not the only one that does ALL THE SAME THINGS!! I totally understand your frustration! My son is REALLY whiny as well. I am praying that when football starts he will be occupied with that?? I don't know but if you find a "cure" please let me know too! I am praying that it is just as phase but we shall see.

Goodluck!!

Answer 4

My six-year-old is very similar to yours!  I also see lots of kids like this at school.  I'm a substitute teacher, and I see hundreds of kids every year.  He sounds like he's a little high-strung; or highly-sensitive.  It's just the way he's wired.  His highs are higher that the average and his lows are lower.  What does his doctor and teachers say?  Does this affect his school behavior?  Or is it only at home?  He is the middle child, perhaps this is how he gets attention since he is not the baby or the oldest.  Just some ideas!

Answer 5

I have told my daughter on a number of occasions, go to your room until you can come out and speak to me, not cry, not whine, but speak like a 6.5 yr old or whatever her age was. Leave it at that do not argue, if his feeling are hurt they are hurt because trust me his teacher will not want to deal with this. there have been times I have taken her to her room. Keep up on it every time he does it and it will eventually stop when he figures out he cannot get away with it anymore.

Another thing I have found effective is to make a chart and make a mark on it every time they act this way and at the end of the day (or whatever time would be their free time) they owe you 10 minutes per tally mark, this works great on school morning and getting ready, my kids owe me the time as soon as we get home regardless if that eats up all their free time before homework. I do give them a chance to get tally marks removed for really good behavior, but do not do that to freely or it defeats the effectiveness. Visual aids work best on my youngest who is my handful. And it keeps me from screaming at her, I make a mark or she goes to her room, no negotiation. I hate it when I feel I am yelling at her a lot and of course it does nothing to solve our problem either.

And on his yelling things like that at you, my kids are told they do not talk to me like that period, I am the mom and it is not allowed. You can also tell him he has to leave you alone (unless hurt of course) for a set amount of time, there is nothing wrong with  that he is plenty old for time on his own. I use a digital timer for a lot of things with my youngest (again the visual thing) I got a cheap one at Wal-mart and we set it for the amount of time and that way she knows for sure how long is left for whatever we are setting it for. It also works great for getting ready, I tell her you have 5 minutes to brush your teeth and off she goes she loves to try and beat it and pushing the buttons to set it and turn it off. then we reset it ofr 10 min or whatever for getting dressed etc.

She is 7.5 by the way

You know thats funny my daughter is excellent at school as well and academically is above grade level and no one there believes me that she is my pill LOL I have always thought her to be a bit autistic because she thrives on routine and hates change and has meltdowns often. But since I have set these limits and really stuck to them she is slowly getting better. Her behavior now compared to a year ago is a huge difference. Make sure you give lots of love too, I always tell her that I may not always like her actions, but I ALWAYS love her.

Answer 6

It could be a few things...He is the middle child...this can be very hard on some kids...they feel left out.  Or it could be something else.   I know parents dont like to hear this about they're child but let me tell you about mine at the age of 6.  Very clingy...would lose his temper over everything...anybody would get into his things he would lose it.  His temper tantrum would last for an hour.  Would tell me he loves me over and over.  Very hugable and kissable boy but then his mood would change very fast.  My son was diagnosed with bipolar and asperger's at the age of five.  But since birth we knew something was off wack.  I'm not saying put your son on meds at this time.  But I would take him to a counselor.  Just to see what they have to say.  And he can give you tips on things to do with him to help him.  But he's doing this for a reason.  Something is really bothering him.  And just remember as hard as it may be on you it's a 100 times harder on them.  Best of luck.

********My son was the same way even at the age of two months.  I would have to remove him from the room if I had company over but he would get overstimulated so easily.  I would have to hold him so tight and close to get him to stop crying.  It is so hard to admit that something could be wrong with you child it took me years just to except it.  My biggest mistake is medicating him so early.  I feel that maybe I could have tried other thing's first before medicating.  I'm not against medication but once on it always on it.  But yes medication has helped....a lot!!   Please dont let the doctor say it's just ADHD.  They thought that with my son first and put him on a medication with a stimulant.  Well most people with bipolar disorder who get put on this....well lets say it will make your child go "crazy"  I hate to use this word but it's like it's not even your child.  My son ended up in the hospital for 4 day's because he tried to jump out of the second floor window of our house because of that medicine. That was when he was diagnosed with bipolar. Really express to the doctor everything that goes on with your son.  If you have to for a week strait...hour by hour or even every 30 min write down everything that your son has done...every emotion and what caused him to act this way.  It will help so much.   The earlier the treatment the better.   I wish the best to you and if you have any question's please feel free to email me.j

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Melanie

Answer 7

Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it! He's doing it for the attention, go into another room as soon as he starts having a fit. Try to start weening him from the clingyness as well.