How to deal with my spouse going in the navy active duty?

Question

hes talking about going in the navy around next summer. this really sucks for me because im trying to go to nursing school next yr and i have plans to stay in ny and get established here and in the navy you have to travel the world...btw i know what military service is like i just got out the army so i know the things that could happen....

i just feel we can get established some other way without the military...he's into business major and is almost finished his bachelors...we both has 1 son each from previous relationships

i tried talking him out of it and even telling him to go reserve but he wont listen...he wants to "provide" and live the good life...i tell him why can he just keep providing the way he has already...he wants more....

but i dont wanna be taken out of my element...my friends, family and life is here in NY...esp. my family...we are very tight knit and my parents and brothers wouldnt be pleased....is there anything else my hubby can do....

what should i do

Answer 1

I would be glad he is trying to provide for his family. I am also close knit with my family but if my husband were to  re up again in the Army I would support him, we have a great marriage and they understand that.  He is taking your financial and health care needs into consideration which is very important especially with 2 kids.

You can do a lot of your school online [my cousin is a RN and did] and go ahead with him. Love him and support him.

You never know, who knows what next year will bring. He may change his mind anyway.

Answer 2

If you are staying there to please your family then no one would be good enough for you unless they live where you want to live and stay where you want to.  He wants to travel the world and see other places other then NY.  If you two cannot come to an agreement then do not get married.

I lived in NY for a long time, there is life away from there and your family and if they are holding you back then you need to cut the apron strings and live your life not the life they want you to live

Answer 3

Yep, he can get a new wife. Seems as if he has done it before and it is the only solution to this problem as you both have agendas that are not compatible.

Tati, you obviously did not like my answer, but what is the alternative? You so plainly have different views on life and certainly have different agendas. He wants to join the Navy and you want to stay in New York. One of you has to give in to the others life plans.If he will not see your point of view and you dont seem to want to hear about his, what else is there but to go your own ways. I do not think you want us to fill you up with a load of oohs and aahs and how sad it all is, you know that already. You both are locked into a struggle that is not going to be met by compromise, because your plans are so different, so I say again, one of you has to give or the split is inevitable, sad but true.

Answer 4

Being a "navy wife" is tough. I know....I have been one for 5 years. We move every 2 years, but thus far it has been OK since we don't have kids and we both enjoy traveling.

There are a lot of advantages to being in the Navy but also a lot of disadvantages. You will be alone a lot.... birthdays, anniversaries etc. will be spend apart because he will be in training or deployed.

Ask him to seriously think about this. Also it is difficult for the wife because we never really get established in our careers since we are always moving, while they(hubby) is only getting more established in his job.

So, if you really do not want this, all of the stuff I just told you is really going to hit you hard. Talk to your husband. He may not even really know what his getting into.

Good Luck!!

Answer 5

I am sorry as much as I hate to see men and women go away to war I have to side with your husband on this one. How can you be so upset that you are not getting what you want and he is wanting to go fight for his country. I think you need to rethink your role in this relationship if you want to stay in it. You are being extremely selfish and I would never want you as a spouse.