How to deal with neighbor girls with aspergers?

Question

My 6 yr. old daughter is having a hard time dealing with the two neighbor girls who have aspergers who are going into second grade. Does anyone have any advice on this? I don't want my daughter to be mean to them, but on the other hand, I don't want her to get walked all over either. The girls play with the other kids nice for just a bit, then when they don't get their way, they stomp off yelling. They'll usually return with a mean drawing or note for the kids that upset them. They also accuse the other kids of calling them names and being mean to them when it hasn't happened. They say that the kids can only be their friends if they do exactly what they want them to do. I find I have to be right by them when they play at our house so I can know exactly what is happening. I have to keep telling them that we don't talk that way at our house, and to not lie to me. My daughter will be riding the bus with them this year and I want to try to give her ways of dealing with them.

Answer 1

It is a very difficult situation you and your daughter are in. I am the parent of a child with Asperger syndrome who has to have everyone else doing exactly as she says and if they don't she will get very violent and will swear profusely. I think the best idea would be for you to get a better understanding of Asperger syndrome and why these girls act this way. You can then best advise your daughter how to deal with these behaviours. You could also ask a special ed teacher at your daughters school to have a word with the other kids. You are not going to be able to change the way some one with Asperger syndrome acts and behaves, the key to it is understanding why they do these things and how best to deal with them. If there is an autism support group in your area you could also ask them to explain to kids at school about the condition these girls have. Good luck.

Answer 2

Aspergers, from what I gather, is an autism spectrum disorder characterized by difficulty in social interaction and lack of empathy, and obsessive or repetitive routines. From the looks of it, these girls show all of these symptoms. You'll have to explain to your daughter that they are different from other children, and that while they can't help being mean and rude sometimes, they mean well. I know you want your daughter to be nice, but not be a pushover, so tell her to be willing to play a different game, but not to put up with being bullied by these two girls.

As for the games that they play, they're obviously being given too much freedom to control the other children (and adults) that they play with. If this continues, what will happen when they get back to school, only to find out that they can't make the teacher do their bidding? They have to learn to play nicely, and that means not always being in charge. You could suggest to your daughter that they all take turns picking out a game, or that they play games with defined sets of rules, like tag and hide and go seek.

And if they stomp off and pull faces? Tell your daughter to tell them that if they don't want to play nicely, they don't have to play at all.

Answer 3

It might help if you educate yourself and your daughters about aspergers. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do short of telling your daughters to stay out of their way. I think though if you find out about the disorder then it will make it easier for you and your daughters to get along with them.