How to deal with past hurt in family?

Question

My dad had an affair when I was 14 and now he is married to the woman and they have a teenage daughter. I am in my 30's now. I am still hurt over what they did 15 years ago and can't stand his wife. My dad was estranged from his family for the better part of a decade but they reconsiled over the past few years. I am glad he talks to his family but it is a real challenge for me to be around them with his wife there. I feel angry and sad that this woman has taken the place of my mother and this family barely acknowledges my mother for fear of rocking the boat with my dad. At the same time I am sad that I don't feel comfortable being around them anymore while my dad's wife and her kids from a previous marriage are attending these get togethers. I know I can't have it both ways and either have to go or not. Either way I feel bad. Any advice?

Answer 1

I understand how you feel. If your dad is happy with this woman and her kids, then let him be happy. That is the Christian thing to do. God only wants us to except other people's mistakes and love them anyway.

I know he hurt you and your mom but has your mom gotten over it? Then maybe you could find it in your heart to get over it too. Imagine the relationship you could be having with your half siblings or step siblings? Sometimes families need to come together in times like this and talk about things to find out where everyone stands.

Do you not like the woman because she is the one that "took your dad away"? If that is the only reason then dig deeper. If there is no other reason that you don't like her, then you are an adult now and need to act like one. Give her a chance.

  Your mom is special to you I know, but your dad should be too. Throw away the anger and hurt and start to heal. You never will heal if you don't try.

Put your fear, anger, jealousy, and all that other junk in the Lord's hands. I learned this morning at church that we can't fix things like that, without the Lord's help. Give it to Him and eventually He will show you what to do.

  Good luck and God bless you and your family.