How to deal with pushy, aggressive kids?

Question

This weekend we attended a family party with some friends. One of our friends has a 3 year old that is aggressive and feels entitled to things over everyone else (has to be the 1st on line, gets the biggest piece of cake, etc). He kept pushing our 4 1/2 year old on purpose in one of those inflatable bouncing toys. After the 1st time, our son told him to stop it, the 2nd time he brought it to the kids parents attention and ours. My husband and I told them to keep their hands to themselves and our friends looked annoyed at our son for being a “tattletale” and half hearted told their son to stop pushing and punching. We taught our son not to hit, especially those who are younger. I felt bad for our son because he was in a bind to obey his parents, but kept getting pushed and punched by this kid. I finally took him out of the inflatable to keep things from getting out of hand, but my son felt punished. Should we have told him to hit this kid back even though he was younger? What’s the correct thing to do in this kind of situation?

Answer 1

I would have been ticked off too. But kids need to learn that some people in the world are not out to play by the rules. I dont' know what I would have done. I may have left him in there to have him have a learning expereince... as long as he is having fun. Or I may have taken him to get an ice cream away from the boy and distract him with something fun.... and even say "I was really proud of you for standing up for youself. When that boy pushed you, you told him not too. Good talking!". I like to encourage my kids to speak their mind. If you took him out and did something fun with him, than it would n't have have been a punishment to him

Answer 2

I think you handled it fine.  I would not be concerned about the other parents being annoyed.  If your child is being harmed, you have to step in.  

If you just see this child every now and again - just handle it like you do.  If he's hitting or pushing, and the parents are not doing anything, firmly tell the child "no pushing".  Just keep at it.  I agree, your son should not be punished because another child can't behave.

If its a child you have to see very frequently, you may want to sit down with his parents and ask their help in the situation.  You can put a spin on it like "you know, I'm just worried the situation will get out of control, and my son is older and bigger and I just don't want your son to get hurt if he decides to fight back" - something to that effect.

Good luck!

Answer 3

You did the right thing.  Telling your son to hit back is the worst thing you could have done and I'm glad you avoided it.  It's never okay to hit...  Ever.  Luckily your son is at an age that you can explain and reason a bit with him.  I think you did the best you could.  Ideally, the parents of the pushing kid should have stepped in and stopped his behavior or removed him from the situation.  These can be tough times, but just stick to doing what you KNOW is right.

Good job, Mom and Dad!