How to deal with the step kid and my kids in relation?

Question

to my husband. His son has a tendancy of bullying my children but when ever they stand up for themselves my husband gets defensive and treats the kid that does badly. My oldest son was the first because when we got married my son didn't like his new brother. Now its my daughter and I am getting fed up. The only time he's proud of his kid is when he does something mean or bosses my kids around. I have asked him to talk to his son about it but he just keeps on letting him. It is making it very difficult to live with and I sometimes think I would be better off to just leave. I dont want my children to have to grow up being bullied by this kid and filling like their dad doesnt love them as much because when his kid does wrong no one discilplines him but when they do something wrong hes all over them. Just like he likes to make fun of my son for wetting the bed but his son poops himself. My daughter got food on here face and he yelled at her but his son cant go one meal w/o food on

Answer 1

And you married this loser why? No offense, but you really need to take a hard look at the guy BEFORE you say "I do". If he treats the kids differently, he never put the effort in to truly blend the family. I agree with you that its an unhealthy relationship for you and the kids. I'd not want my kids bullied either. I'm not one for divorce, but I'd not stay with him if I was in your shoes.

Answer 2

I'd get into family therapy ASAP.  Tell your husband what you told us and that the sake of your marriage depends on this therapy.  Good luck!

Answer 3

I would like to know how old the bullying child is and really the rest of the kids involved.  Also, I don't know why you have to go through your husband to discipline his child.  You are his step mother and you need to step up to the plate and tell this little jerk to back off.  I think you should try to initiate games to where everyone can be involved and have fun together, and maybe they can find a common ground, or at least some sort of respect for each other.  I always tell my son, you don't have to like me, but by God you will respect me.  Good luck...I know this has to be hard for you.

****EDIT**** As far as divorce goes...I wanted to add that normally I say do everything in your power before getting a divorce, but when a child or children are involved and there is a "step parent" involved in taking sides...it won't be good.  You have to get a divorce if things don't change.  It's the only right thing to do in standing by and protecting your children.

Answer 4

This sounds so much like my life right now.  I know the turmoil you are feeling and the hurt everytime he jumps on one of your kids.  I feel it too and struggle with the decision to stay or leave.  I can only tell you to try joint counseling and tell your husband just how much this hurts you and your kids.  When he married you he married them too and he is not being a responsible parent.  Let him know that counseling is important and these things need to be worked on you you will be out of here.  I am so against divorce, I hated it the first time but it was necessary.  I do not want to go through it again, but I have to protect my children and make sure they are safe and grow up knowing they are important and worthwhile people who can stand up for themselves and that being good people really is the way to go, not being a bully.   Please stand up for yourself and your kids, doing that does not necessarily mean divorce though.  Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 5

ya that seems like an unhealthy relationship.  You should talk to him about it and if he doesnt try to blend the kids more and be more reasonable then if your husband cant keep them at the same level of strictness (i think that would be the word i cant think of it right now sorry)  then I think it would be up to you to decide what to do next. Whether it is devorce or whatever you choose.  But that is something that only you can choose depending on your relationship and how strongly it is going.  How do you react when he reacts like that?  Why dont you do it to his kids for a while and see how he likes it?  When he tells you that you are being unfair tell him that that is what he has been doing all along and that they both should be treated the same or your leaving (or whatever you choose to do).  Or threaten to leave before (while you are talking to him) to inforce your point.  I know that when I was in that situation I told my husband that it was either that he treats them equally or you leave.  I know when i said that he snapped right into shape lol. But not everybody is in the same situation...that is just an idea.  Good luck I know what youre going through, definately not easy.