How to deal with uncontrolable husband?

Question

have been married 1 year together almost 4 i have 2 kids from previous marriage. my current husband married me saying he accepted my kids and etc. then after we married that changed. he works 80 hours a week over night for last 3 years and we never get to have time together he would rather sleep or watch football, racecars, or wrestling or anything rather than watch a actual movie and hold me on the couch. i dont ask for alot just quality time with my husband. and he cant do that. i come from a famil that has everyone with severe depression on meds. i am not on meds and dont want to be i only feel depressed when he seams to be more of a room mate than a husband. he constantly yells at me saying i am lazy and a bi+th and a worthless \/\/h**e. yes i do get lazy when i am depressed and would rather curl up in a ball on the couch all day than hang up clothes or put dishes in dish washer. but i dont think that means i deserve to be treated like that. he like my kids when they are being

18 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

13 minutes ago

good but when they throw a fit for one reason or another he looses it they ar 4 and 5. he tells then they are worthless pieces of $hit and he doesnt want them and they should go back to their dad cause he and me dont want them ( i never say i dont want them) (they live with their dad ad i get them every other weekend) . he says he is waisting his money paying child support for them when i never get to see them and that if the court make me get them insurance through my work and i dont make what i am making now that i have to pack up and get out. if i clean 24:7 he is fine but if the kids are eating he is pissed cause the table is dirty or the pans used to cook are dirty but we are still eating. if they are playing in theri room and have toys on the floor he throws a fit saying the are dirty stinky b*****d$ he says if i clean all the time he will not treat me like c**p. i dont know what to do i am 22 and i want my marriage to work. he says he wants a baby of his own and we went to stop

9 minutes ago

birth control ( remove iud) and after that he says he doenst want a kid cuase the house will be too dirty. ( by the way he come home and throws his clothes on the living room floor like that actualy helps keep the place clean) I only get my kids very little time so i dont want to spend the 2 days i get with them cleaning all day. he says he will never want them and he doesnt want me til the place is spotless 24:7. I have no clue what to do i love my husband and want my marriage. he is upset that i cheated on him when he choked me and was never around and refused to come to my college graduation saying it was pointless and would be a waist of his time. he has no heart and doesnt care that i feel so unloved. i did cheat on him and i admitted everything and its all over with. and he siad if i got his name tattoo on me he would see that i really do love him so i got the tattoo to make him happy and show him i love him but he still treats me like c**p. what do i do

Answer 1

wow... you and your husband should try counseling.. and if that doesn't work maybe you need to leave.. you should not tolerate him talking to your kids and you the way he does. If you do not stand up for yourself he'll continue to do what he is doing which is a form of abuse... good luck

Answer 2

I know you really want this marriage to work, but sweetie this is not a marriage! Marriage is where BOTH spouses contribute to the family in equality and love and respect each other...your supposed to be happy with this person. You deserve to enjoy your time with your children and they need to know they ARE woth something! They will grow up thinking you think the same as your husband since you let him talk to them like that. Do you really want to be with someone who thinks your worthless and your kids are pieces of s*** and only will be nice if you are constantly cleaning?

It really would be in your best interest to leave him. I know it is really hard when you love someone (I was pregnant and left the baby's father, hardest thing I ever did in my life) but when you are being so mistreated like you don't matter, it jsut isn't worth the rest of your life....think of it like that, you are so young (I'm younger then you at 19) you have so much longer to live, do you really want this life for the rest of your life?? and for your children to see this? Please, there is someone out there who will equally love and appreciate you just like you love them and who will love your children like their own and treat them like they are the most important people in the world! You need someone to make you feel worthwhile, not like you are nothing....Good luck sweetie, I really hope you get out and find someone better for you!

Answer 3

I'm sorry to say but you need to leave this jerk ASAP. he's abusing you it may not be physical but he is abusing you mental. you think you love him right now but he doesn't love you. you should never let any guy treat you or your children like c**p. if he's abusing you mental he might get physical but you need to get out before that happens. he's never going to change and you shouldn't have to change him. he should want to change his self.you need to stand up for your self and your children before it's to late. don't let your love for him blind you in doing what's right. if you don't think you can leave him or you need help there are places out there that can help you. my sister was were you are now she thought she loved him and if she did everything he wanted then things would change but things never changed. she had a child from her first husband and he ended up physical abusing her too. when she got pregnant by him she thought things would be different but they just gotten worse and he ended up killing her daughter, his son, and almost killing my sister but putting my sister in the hospital instead. she was blind by love and because of it she lost everything. she thought she could change him and if she stayed with him he would changed in time but it didn't happened. it sounds like you are heading that way and you need to get out and soon. s***w what he wants. it's your and your children who need to come first before this jerk. and he wanted to you back because he had wanted the car that's even more selfish then anything. a husband and wife should be treated equally and everything should be share between the two of you that includes taking care of the house, taking care of the kids, and spending the money too. you don't own him for putting you through beauty school or buying you a car. if you two didn't have agreement in writing about you paying him back then you don't need to. let him call the police they can't do anything unless he can proof that it's his car and not yours. just tell this jerk were he can go and leave. good luck you'll need it. take care.

Answer 4

well i  would say what really screwed things up was the cheating thing but if he cannot forgive ou for that than i would say that oviously you need to move on

Answer 5

Oh my gosh....why do you love this guy?I could understand if you were newly married and this started happening but it's been 4 years.If you let this piece of c**p treat your kids this way you are no better than him.You are giving him the ok to treat you and your children like this because you stay with him.If your unhappy leave.It sounds to me like there is not much of a marriage left.This guy sounds like a jerk.I'd love to meet him.

Answer 6

He is an abuser.  It may not always be physical, but emotional scars can be even deeper.  You need to get away from this man.  Your children should NEVER be around him.  Children have a funny way of figuring out why this is their fault.  It is NOT their fault, nor is it yours.  Quit making excuses for this man, and get yourself some help.  You need to go to counseling and take care of your children's Mom.  They need you.  They do not need to be berated by him and you SHOULD NOT ALLOW THIS to happen to them or to you.  Get out and get yourself some help.  Best Wishes!

Answer 7

I wouldn't want to control him, get out now, he is a selfish pri*k, there are more fish in the sea, you are worthy of better, now all you need to do is show him, leave and go on your own awhile, shop around, and if you cheated on him that should of been your wake up call, you are looking for what he cannot give you, you have a toxic relationship. You deserve so much better, all women need to be treated like goddesses!!

Answer 8

dam that sounds just like my x, thats why hes now considered my x.......hes not worth the time and effert u put into the marriage if he doesnt stop the bs and name callin', hes hurtin' you and ur kids. please dont stick around there, get out of that relationship. before he hurts u more, wish u the best. and goodluck

Answer 9

dump him. seriously no one deserves that hes an abuseser. i dont understand y women go through this for so long.

Answer 10

Honey, please listen to me, LEAVE. He is very mean to you and your children and it is NOT going to stop. I got out of an abusive marriage after 5 years and it was very hard, but you can do it! If you don't have family you can stay with, go to a shelter. They will help you get your own place and help with any legal ramifications. Please don't stay with this man. A a result of staying with my ex for so long, I am constantly depressed even though I am married to a super wonderful guy now. Also, please get into some counseling. You deserve better! BELIEVE that! If you want to talk to someone who has been where you are, message me. I am online a lot.

Answer 11

doctor. big problems.

Answer 12

Why do you want someone who doesn't want you or your children?

Answer 13

I have 3 children and any man who put my children down or myself can hit the road!!!!!!!!!    My children are more important than any man!!!!!!    I would say also to dump his a**!!!!!!!!!   When u are sick and tired of being sick and tired you will pick up and move on even with nothing.   Be strong for yourself and for your kids!!!!!!