How to disciple my 7 year old son when he holds no value?

Question

My son is a brilliant little boy and can be my best kid, but only when HE chooses it's right, and honestly it's not that often it happens :( He holds no value on anything, so grounding him from this or that doesn't phase him a bit. We have gone so far to buy him something AMAZING, just so we'd have something to take away...didn't work, he just moves on to the next thing. He is a tester..you think of something he can test and he does..MANY TIMES A DAY..i know it's normal and all kids do it, but honestly it's affecting our relationship...i love him to death, but man..i want to just give up, i'm afraid what we are going to deal with in the next few years if i can't get control of my son when he's 7.

Answer 1

I think that u are right to have a conference with his teacher. I think he knows a lot for his age and he is not getting enough challenge at school or home. I think 7 min at a time in time out is not enough. U said u have took everything away and then in another paragraph u said he just finish wrestling. I don't understand that. I really think u need to set down and have a talk with him. Maybe he's going through something u may not know about. He knows how to get up under your skin and he knows how to make u feel u have done something wrong. I also think he feels like he is equal to u, ike he is your friend and he should fear u as being his parent. I think u also are right to seek professinal help because it will only get worse. I have a child the same age and i wish he would try me like that.

Answer 2

If he's really smart, then the only thing I can think of is boring him to death. By that I mean, take away everything in his room that could be entertaining. If he has a computer or tv or stereo in his room it should be gone. He can have books, but only educational ones. Pick specific behaviors and give him three tickets every morning. Everytime he breaks that rule, he has to give you a ticket. If he loses all three, he goes to his room for the rest of the day and goes to bed an hour early. If he tries to work the system by not losing the third one until close to bedtime, he starts the next day with only two tickets, etc.

Answer 3

I would suggest meeting with a behavioral therapist. It sounds as though your son has no respect for himself or for you. There may be an underlying cause for that. Also a therapist can help you work out suitable consequences for his actions. Have you tried making him do chores? I don't mean like clean his room or set the table, I mean like cleaning the toilet, scrubbing the floor, raking the lawn, shoveling snow, manual labor. It is amazing how quickly a few hours of hard work can turn a kid around.

Answer 4

A couple of things.  Maybe you little guy should get an assessment from a professional (Psychologist, Psychiatrist, etc).  Get his doctor or pediatrician to refer you to one.  The other thing, with all due respect, maybe you're taking the wrong approach.  Instead of "taking away" things, maybe getting him to do something.  Bring him to an animal shelter or somewhere that he can do some community service.  This could give him empathy as well as a feeling of self-worth in that he is helping the less fortunate.  Just a thought.

Answer 5

What about a spanking?

Spanking works.

Answer 6

He sounds just like my dd who is now 18. She has 'executive dysfunction'.  Do a google search for it.

There is no cure and it is HARD to manage. I hope you can get help for this.

FOr years I didn't know about this and NEVER found a way to help her and our relationship has been affected badly becuase of this.

I NEVER found ANY punishment, disclipline etc that worked for her.

Answer 7

You may need to set him up with a children's psychiatrist or children's therapist. You need to address these issues right away or you are going to have trouble on your hands much later.

Answer 8

I'm soooo sorry! I fully understand how you feel. Mines 8 and exactly the same unfortunatly for us he just acts that way at school. I sincerely wish i could offer some magical advice but we're still working on it. there is however a parentng program that we've been using that has made a dramatic difference its kind of expensive but i think well worth it. its the total transformation by dr. james lehman. by far its been the best thing for us. Good luck!

Answer 9

I feel for you.  My son is 7 and the same way.  He's great at school, but consequences have little to no affect on him.  We are consistent.  I used to be a teacher and have my master's degree, so it isn't like I don't know what I'm doing!  It's very frustrating to me.

Answer 10

Engage him in activities - sports, music, boyscouts, sunday school, he obviously needs some structure.

Martial Arts, Taekwondo, Karatee - works great for kids like this to expel some energy, and build respect for themselves and their teachers.

May also want to look into counseling, but if he is that good at acting - that may be interesteding.  Family counseling however may be helpful.

If you kid is brilliant - it appears his actions stem from not being challenged more so then defiant.  Find ways to challenge him!  

I was a definate 7 year old, wiser then my peers and found the world very frustrating.  Martial Arts really helped me channel my frustration and learn respect for others.

Answer 11

i think it might be time for counseling in this situation because it seems to be in such a sticky situation.

i think having him stand in the corner with nothing to do but look at it might be helpful and explain to him what he did was wrong so he can learn but a profession i know would be a great help.

Answer 12

Just put him in time out when he misbehaves. Make sure he has to stay in a room with no TV, toys, or other distractions.

Answer 13

Take away EVERYTHING so he has nothing to move on too.

You need to try something, he is testing you and he knows he can get to you .  

You just need to be a little firmer.

Answer 14

I'm sorry you're so stressed out.. this can be tough..

First does he have a disability of some sort?  Just covering everything..

It sounds like he may have some anger issues..?

Maybe try counceling to find the route of the problem/anger.

When he does something wrong... and you talk to him about it... what does he say.. is he just angry & doesn't want to talk.. I'd try to keep him talking.. tell him how it makes you feel when he acts up.. etc.. ask him how it makes him feel too.. sometimes we do "bad" things and then immediatly regret it.

If you label him as an angry kid or bad kid.. even if you think it.. trust me.. he'll know.

My parents thought of me that way & I decided young that I would just live up to what they thought of me as.

Besides it got their attention which is what I was looking for anyways..

So just try to think of him as a good kid regardless of what he does and yeah that can be very hard when he's running wild and getting in fights or doing poorly in school.. just keep thinking it and speaking it to him..

Good luck mom..