How to dissociate myself from him?

Question

I have decided after 21 years of ****, to no longer include my Dad in my life. Thankfully, I am living with my Mum, as he has decided to move to Edinburgh. I plan to get the extra qualification for uni, go next year and make something of my life. My Dad has always emotionally abused me. Ok, I will admit, I have been a bit of a "wild child" as Mum put growing up, but when things get hard as in an argument, I tend to get upset and tell the person not to antogonise the situation, which he did. I could go on forever with some of the abuse he gave me, including calling me a little tart. Just when I thought I was "free" of him, a package came for me last week. I was extremely grateful at first when I found it was a present from him to me, but then in the letter, he began to wind me up; he mentioned things like how there is a Polish family living underneath him and he knows fine well how much I dont like Polish. He also seemed to take the mickey out of me living in a "shithole". I gave him one last chance today, as he is decorating our old home just now, and apologised saying that when I go back to my old home it makes me upset. He seemed ok, but then when I went to get the rest of my stuff, he didnt even help, and I hurt my back trying to lift a heavy oak chest down the stairs. I ended up very upset and cried because he provoked fun at me the whole time. Just now he dumped all my stuff on the steps of my Mums and drove off. I have tried to make amends, but he seems too interested in himself to care. How do I dissociate myself from him, eg he keeps sending me these d**n letters. Many thanks

Answer 1

As you get older, you'll realize that people are just the way they are. Your dad is a product of his generation and you are one of yours.  The older generations tend to be a lot tougher and can take things better.  He's just being himself and you don't want him to act in ways that "upset" you...yet he's just being himself.

  So he can't be himself?  Should he kill himself then?  The idea is to not take other people's behavior so personally.  It seems as if everything he does makes you tipsy.  

I would just not see him too much.  If you completely end the relationship, you will regret it when you get older and wiser.  Plus, if he suddenly dies, I can see you wishing you had "made amends".

You don't want to live with that for the rest of your life, believe me.

This is a case of Life being Life and it's totally normal and all about challenging you to be strong and tolerant of others.  It's nobody's lesson but yours.  You'll do great cause you are strong and feisty like your dad. :-)

Answer 2

Forgive and forget....talk and work things out...you are both adults....he will always be your father and you his daughter...family is the one thing that should and must be cherished...in order for all of us to survive....and why do you dislike the POLISH? what have they ever done to you?

Answer 3

Not all family is good family.  And I believe that you have to completely shut him out of your life.  refuse letters, send them back, do not open them.  After a few times he should get the point.  Because your emotionally abuse you should get counseling so to better your thinking cause you dont want to take that anger or hurt out on someone in the future that will love you the right way.  Be strong.