How to encourage my 13 yr old to be with friends?

Question

My son doesnt seem to want to have friends. I am really baffeled at him. He is really shy, mature for his age, and a good looking kid, and plays sports, he is on a lot of teams and goes out plays hard and just comes home. He never tries to become friends with anyone. He is not bullied, I am pretty sure, as I am friends with lots of the moms and they ask me why he turns down invites. I have asked him why he doesnt want friends and he just say he doesnt know. He does have one or two friends but they dont go to his school. So he seldom sees them. I dont know how to encourage him to have friends. I am not trying tomake him be mr popular, but having friends teaches important social skills of getting along. He likes to hang out with his brother who is younger when he is at home.. I dont know what to do? He doesnt seem depressed, he has alot of fun at home...Any suggestions?

Answer 1

From ages 13-18, it's best to let kids manage their lives their way; as long as no one's hurt, they're not unhappy, they keep going with school and everything's legal. That may seem rediculous, but at this age- you have only so much control over your teenager. Your job is to keep him safe, polite and in school. If you try to interfere too much, you could easily push him further away from you. Be there for him if he wants to talk, but don't push him into anything unless you think he's not happy, safe or that this morals are out of wack.

He's human- he'll want to have friends at some point. Just be there for him, and don't push too much.

Answer 2

Im a 13 year old girl, and im kinda like that but i hang out with my boyfriend, and my bestfriend.. and when my parents tell me i need to get more friends and stop being at home all the time it p!sses me off, so maybe you should just let him be shy.

Answer 3

get him a few friends to circlce jerk with or smoke pot?

Answer 4

He's a loner. That isn't a bad thing at all. He just doesn't want u trying to make him make friends. Just let him be and eventually when he gets older he will have a TON more friends becuase obviously he isn't THAT bad of a kid since he will still associate with his little brother when he is thirteen.

Answer 5

Depression can be hard to spot, so can social anxiety.   I would get him to counseling.   This could be a bigger problem than you realize.

Answer 6

Don't force it. It's not like he's anti-social. You said he has a few close friends, just not a lot. That's usually how it is- people have a few, close friends, or a lot of "social" friends. That's just how people are. I'm 21 and I've ALWAYS been that way. My top peak for number of friends at any given time is 4. And usually it was only two, and I didn't even see them every day. If he were a recluse, I'd give you advice, but this is fine. He plays sports and interacts with people fine, it sounds like. So just let him be himself. If he were having a mental breakdown when he had to go out in public it would be a different issue....

Answer 7

i was like that to and still am , when i was his age i enjoy being alone just to think sometimes. when my mom died i was 12 it was very difficult , but i played sports to keep me busy, read, and studied. When i was 16 i started going out again, but i never seemed to fit in because i always felt more mature than the other girls. I hung out with my older sisters and i still do. i don't enjoy going out like the other girl i went to school with.

You should try having a get together at your house where he has no other choice but to be there.

He could change you just have to show him that you are okay with him going places.

Answer 8

My suggestion is to let him be. Why? If you push too hard for him to do something, he will end up hating it and completely avoid it all together. The best thing to do is let him realize that there are more things to do than just sit around the house. If he does come to you saying that he wants to go hang out with a few friends, say "That's great, have fun, don't get into any trouble".

The best thing is, HE IS HAPPY! Don't try to mess that up. He has to be social in sports and at school, so he is developing social skills more than you think. Yet, he needs time to come around, so let him. Plus, be grateful he isn't always hanging out with his friends doing bad things.

Hopefully this was helpful and best wishes :)

Answer 9

i sound like the girl version of your son!! And i had depression too, but the answer above me isnt correct. dont freak out. im fine now.  

my mom said its okay if i have time alone, but if i have too much to myself its unhealthy. she said humans need companionship to survive, So sometimes she sets up something FOR me (since she is friends with the parent) and i end up having alot of fun. She works at a bank, so when a customer is new in town and has kids, we do something together.

Answer 10

My mom always worried about me not hanging otu with friends all the time, and she still does. What she doesn't see is how social I am at college, she just sees my alone a lot at home. I don't have a problem being alone and often enjoy time to myself. You probably just don't get to see the times when your son is social. I'm sure he will be fine. Just let him be happy, even if it means beign alone a lot.

Also, are you a single parent? Because yoru son might not like to go out much because he feels bad leaving you alone. (That part is personal experience)