How to encourage my 9yr old to make new friends?

Question

We just moved to a new town and my kids started a new school. My younger ones (5 and 7) are transitioning very well. However, my daughter who is 9, is having such a hard time. She is so sensitive anyway and really takes everything to heart. So when the kids who have been friends all year don't include her as one of their BEST FRIENDS, she immediately takes the negative outlook that they don't like her. I wonder if she just thought everyone would come running to her and beg to be her friend. (She is usually the center of attention with her old group of friends).

It seems like such a minor thing to me - but I try and remember what it was like being a 9 yr old girl and how this move probably seems like the end of the world to her.

Any advise? I hate seeing her sad face after school every day!

Oh, and PS. They have not even been at that school a week!

Answer 1

When I was put into a new class without my best friend in fifth grade and I was lonely, my parents told me to find someone else that I liked that didn't have a lot of friends either.

So I befriended another girl that was kind of quiet like me. We became very close friends and it wasn't until she moved to another state in 9th grade that we lost contact

Answer 2

Tell her to be more open minded and to see what other kind of people that they are other kids to be hanging with. Try to set her up with other friends who you know are like her.

Answer 3

Does she like any activities?

E.g. swimming, dancing etc

If she joined a team she might make friends there and they could be at her school.

She's just come there, being a week, ask her if there is anyone she wants to your house.

Hope things work out

Answer 4

she is still adjusting and feeling shy and insecure. she ill need time to adjust and am sure she will find new friends in her own time.

Answer 5

Maybe you could neither take her to a different school as a final last choice. But before then you could encourage her to take part in after school activity, or remind her that you're a 9yrs once before and say it isn't best to think everything will just come to her and look into the postive.

Answer 6

You can't simply tell her to make friends....you have to teach her HOW to make new friends.  How to approach a group of girls (observe how others approach and get let in), good conversation starters, how to accept/decline or make an invitation to go/do something together.  And, how to be a good friend.

Maybe you can help her out by telling her you will allow her to invite one friend to...fill in the blank...and help her make the outing a success.  Get her working on some project and encourage her to find a friend that is an expert to hlep out.

Answer 7

Well at that age kids hav a lot of energy,,,so sometimes its a good idea to get thme involved in school activities or an organized sport.

Now I know that Im a guy but for young girl her age when she is feeling sad coming home from school everyday, as a parent just try to get her mind off those things by doing something fun. But the best thing for her is letting her kno everyday before school that you love her and will be right here waiting with a hug and kiss when you back from school.

When I was a little boy I moved around a little bit and everytime I moved I was envolved in a different team sport and to this day Im still in contact with many of them, so maybe you should give that a try.

Answer 8

Remember too that girls this age are very fickle in their friendships.  We had this continuing conversation with my daughter right through sixth grade.  

As an aside, possibly silly, I just read that if you want your child to seem approachable and friendly, dress them in blue.  (I thought it was interesting.)

Answer 9

sign her up for the marines.

Answer 10

I was very much like your little girl when I was her age an my 9 year old is the same way now.  I would just encourage her to continue to be the friendly out going little girl she is.  Also I just think it takes time.  Like you said it hasn't even been a week.  Maybe over the weekend you could do something special with her.  And maybe she could invite some girls over after school for a play date to get to know some of them in a more fun setting.  Kids are resilient an she will bounce back and make new friends soon enough:)

Answer 11

Get her involved in some extracurricular activities.  A smaller "playing field"  helps a kid feel more confident, and being involved in the same activity is an instant bonding experience.  Girl Scouts would be perfect for her.