How to explain death to a 4 yr old?

Question

my son is 3, 2 weeks shy of being 4.

we found a baby bird and had him for a few days, feeding, watering, and just general care for the bird before he died. i tried to explain to my son that he had died, but didn't have any luck and finally told him the bird flew away (kind of the truth, right?).

anyway-- my grannie has cancer, her 2nd time with lymphoma, i was told yesterday that it is much worse than she knows. she will be starting radiation to help try to slow/shrink the cancer. if she does not take the radiation the cancer will over take her very rapidly. it is my understanding that we are just buying time. my grannie doesn't know this, if she knew it was so far advanced she would probably decline all treatments. unfortunately we have no idea as to how well she will do, but to my understanding she probably doesn't have a whole lot longer (lord i hope i'm wrong).

when the time comes how do i explain death to my son? he is close to my grannie, and i don't know how/what to do.

Answer 1

i would start with the basics and work your way up. start with explaining heaven.  tell him that there are lots of people up in heaven, and that everyone is heaven is happy. maybe show him pictures of other family members that have passed away, and tell him how much you loved them and that they are up in heaven too and that they are very happy, but you dont get to see them again until its your turn to go to heaven too. and then when he seems to understand the concept of heaven, and only then.... tell him about grannie. tell him that its almost grannies time to go to heaven, and that soon grannie wont be able to be with "us" anymore.  

i wouldnt get into anything about God or any other religious beliefs other than heaven. the more simple you can keep it, the better. just stress that grannie is going to love going to heaven, and that he'll get to see her again someday when it's his turn to go to heaven. i would do your best to present this as a good situation for grannie. if he asks why you are so sad, just explain to him that you're going to miss certain things about grannie being here with us. maybe her special cookies, or her hugs. but tell him that you know it's ok because grannie is going to have such a nice time in heaven. i would have this conversation with him maybe once or twice a week unless she passes away. and when that happens.. ask him if he remembers what you told him. when he says yes...just tell him that grannie finally got to go to heaven. and that it's ok to be sad, but just to remember that she's happy up there.

until then, i'm terribly sorry about your grannie being so sick. i know that this is hard for you, but it's the best to keep yourself optimistic for your son.  i hope this helps.

thanks

carriie

Answer 2

This is a very tough subject but I would get a book on it and see what works best for you. It would be best to try and start explaining it early because when it comes time and your granny is no longer here you will be going thru some very strong emotions and you might not be able to explain fully to your son.