How to find a sibling that was given up for adoption?

Question

How do I find a sibling that was given up for adoption somewhere around 1964

Answer 1

If you are in the UK or any other civilized country, that information is  yours for the asking

HOWEVER if your sibling was born in the USA you have a problem.  For some reason they uphold archaic laws from a time when out-of-wedlock pregnancy and adoption was taboo and the records remain closed in all but 8 States.  This is an appalling violation of an adult adoptee's most basic civil rights and I'm aghast that this is allowed to happen in the 'Land of the Free' LOL what a joke!

Anyhow, people find each other despite closed records and you could start by registering with the largest international registry

http://www.isrr.net/

If you edit your question with the country or State the adoptee was born in then there are good people here who can guide you more specifically as to what you can do.  Feel free to email me from my profile also - I'd be  happy to help.  I would be so thrilled if a sibling of mine found me!

Edited to add:  I respectfully disagree with Texastunesmith on the point of birthparent confidentiality - there is and never was any promise of birthparent confidentiality.  Time and time again this 'promise' is used against adoptees but it nobody has ever been able to prove it.  It has been disproven though Courts in Tennessee where the for-profit adoption industry attempted to hault the civil rights of adult adoptees being re-instated - they failed.  There is no promise of confidentiality real or implied and, thankfully, more and more birthmothers are brave enough to come forward and confirm this.

In any case, would such mythical 'promise' extend to other members of the family (this young lady is looking for a sibling not a birthparent), who had no part or say in the original decisions made by others that affect there lives?  I sincerely hope not

We live in a free society with equal freedom of association as adult citizens - except, of course, if you were adopted as a child in which case you are stigmatized and infantalized for all eternity

Edited to add:  The mutual consent registries are great in theory, but they don't work.  Many many people are not eligible to register (for example if you were born in one state but adopted in another they will not let you register)

Fathers not named on birth certificates are not entitled to register.

Deceased persons obviously cannot register!

And they are not publicized and alot of people simply do not know of their existence.  This is not an exhaustive list of why State registries to not work but there is not enough space on the whole of this site to list all the reasons against them.

Take care

Answer 2

Hi Wondering,

Please take the advice above and register at ISRR.net first, and then you can start doing some more indepth searching. Is this sibling related to you through your mother or your father? If he or she doesn't know the exact date of birth, do they at least know the month? If not, can they remember around the time they were together? You could count forward then to get an idea of at least the month your sibling was born in.

Check out the registry at http://registry.adoption.com/

Remember when you are choosing the state to search, you want to choose first the state the adoption took place in. If you find no matches, try to search the surrounding states if you live close to a border. Sometimes in a few areas back then, mothers were moved to maternity homes out of state.

If you don't find anything that looks like it could be a match, register at that site and set up a profile of your own.

It's really important you find out the state the adoption took place in. You can review state by state law listings here:

http://adopteerights.net/nulliusfilius/?...

Some states allow siblings to search; others don't. Also, do you know if it was a private or agency adoption? If it was through an agency, sometimes they have their own registries.

In addition to the registries, there will be some searching you'll need to do on your own, but there are tons of free volunteers online who will help you. The registries are not well publicized and many people don't know they exist.  There are people who would be willing to give you a hand:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SoaringAng...

This is a nation wide group for all separated family members and has a good track record for finds. There are many more groups at Yahoo, and a lot of them are state specific searchers. Give that first group a try though, I'm sure they could help you.

Good luck

Answer 3

how much information do you have? name, birthday, county where they were adopted through? anything?

well, what i did when i found my birthmother was go to the courthouse in the county where the adoption was finalized. they had forms to fill out to join the adoption registry.  you fill out papers and if your sibling filled out the papers you will be matched up. but take my advice, check in with them once in a while. they tend to get bogged down and you can get lost in the shuffle. keep on them

if by some fluke your mother still has the birth cert the case number should be the same. when i went (here in michigan) they told me that the case number on my adopted cert was the same as the one on my original (birth) cert. thats how they match up and double check info.

when i found my bio father just a couple of months ago we had a really hard time. we tried many things and websites, but we just couldnt find the right one. he has a rather common name.

my birthmother finally tried classmates.com. and would you believe within days she was hooked up with someone that knew where he was. so if you happen to know a name and place he was sent you could try that.

good luck. i hope you find them.

ps. by the way, on the registry paperwork there was a place for siblings too

Answer 4

Start with the state or county of birth and then adoption, if different.  There are records and as a blood relative, you may be able to get those records.  Give as many details as possible about the person.  If you need to, go online or use a reputable agency to help you in your search.  Thank God my boys met their 1/2 sister 3 years ago,  I gave her up for adoption.  She now has pictures of them  and I email her with how and where they are.  Her parents are GREAT!  Good luck in your search!

Answer 5

vsn.org is another site to try. they are volunteer search angels there that can help. good luck.

Answer 6

I am somewhat in agreement with Heather H but to a lesser extent. At the time your sibling was relinquished, the birth mother would have probably been told she could never ever EVER search for her baby. She was most likely told to go home and forget the pregnancy ever happened. Eternal secrecy was promised to birthmothers, but it was a deal with the devil for the many who could never forget giving birth to a new soul only to have it whisked away forever.

But the deal was made. The birth mothers have the option of making themselves available to their relinquished children by adding their names to search registries. www.isrr.net is the most important one and it is the first place to start. The states do not have that option (except for the 8 mentioned.) The legislatures have not agreed to go bak on their earlier promises and out the birth parents.

Because the main goal of the states is to protect the parents from the embarrasment of the world finding out they had a baby and gave it up, the search can be very frustrating. It is even more frustrating for other relatives like yoruself. in some states the birth parents must have died before the records can be opened.

I am assuming your mother is also the mother of your sibling. If you really want this reunion to take place, you should implore her to become involved in the search. But be warned: once you start the ball rolling you may not be able to stop it. Things can happen extremely quickly once you get on the registry.

My personal belief is that the states should open all of the records and allow adoptees and birth parents to answer the questions (at least some of them) about the adoption and the lives of the people involved. But until they do, you must work within the system.

Your sibling may be on the registry already. If you find him/her, your mother should be involved. It will allow her a little chance to prepare for what may come.

If you have no luck with ISRR, you should continue to search. Each state has different rules. If you hit a dead end, email me, and I will try to point you in the right direction depending on the state where the adoption took place. Which state was it?