How to find time for Daddy after baby is born?

Question

8 weeks pregnant and excited about it, though it was entirely unexpected. We can afford it and I'm self-employed, working whenever I want, so I'm not worried about that. However, I'll be the third mother of my man's third child (he's never been married, but does have good relationships with his ex's and his children), but I'll be the first he marries. He's also 21 years older than I am, and had a bad experience before where the relationship ended because the mother gave all her attention to the baby and ignored him. I don't want to do this. I like spoiling and babying him!! So I'm trying to come up with ways now, long before the baby arrives, that I'll be able to find time for him once we're 3 and I'm tired all the time. Any ideas and advice would be greatly appreciated!

Answer 1

Include him in everything. He can help feed, clothe, put down to sleep, play...

My man and my first had sunday morning together without me, so they could go to the zoo, go for a walk, go to the playground etc, without me around. Perfect!!  

Answer 2

Does he understand that HE needs to spend as much time with the baby as you do, and that HE needs to spoil and pamper you just as much as you spoil him?  

Yes, you definitely have to make an effort to keep your marriage alive and vibrant, and it isn't easy when you have a baby, are exhausted all the time, and don't want to do anything but hold or look at or love on that beautiful baby.  But remember that he shares equal responsibility for the marriage AND for the baby.  You can't be a stay-at-home mom, continue working, do all the cleaning and cooking and laundry, and still make time for a husband.  Get him involved now with the normal daily activities and keep him involved so that he understands what you need and why you need his help after the baby comes.

Set aside a few minutes every day to talk about HIM.  Not the baby, not the cute things the baby did, not the phone calls you got.  HIM.  Focus on him, and really listen.  Maybe this is what you do when he gets home from work.  He gets a few minutes to talk over his day with you, it helps him decompress, and it even helps him shift gears from work to home.

Oh, and babysitters.  Any of the grandparents nearby?  When they call and say, "Can we come see the baby today?" your answer is "YES!  OF COURSE!  In fact, do you mind coming from 2:00 to 5:00?  The baby naps at 3 and if you could stay, it would let me and John get out of the house for a couple of hours.  We really could use a nice long walk."  Those friends who want to babysit, same thing.  Take them up on it while they're willing.

I know you're going to get dozens of wonderful ideas so I'll stop here.  

Answer 3

Yea.. it sounds like this father of your child tends to get jealous when the child is given more attention than he is. I don't think he understands that this is his CHILD here, not one of his male friends. It's a different situation. Of course, once your new baby arrives it will need lots of attention and care. However, he shouldn't assume that you're trying to avoid him because you're attentive to your baby. That's just ridiculous and immature.  

Answer 4

At first it'll be hard because you'll be tired as h**l. They say "sleep when the baby sleeps" but if you're brave you could spend that time with your hubby instead. Does he understand the attention that a baby needs?

Answer 5

The best thing to do is have him help with the baby too. You two will be spending time together caring for your child at first. Then when you are comfortable, you can get a babysitter and go out. Once your baby gets on a nice sleeping schedule, there will plenty of time to spend time together. It may be in small chunks, rather than hours or a whole night, but he will appreciate the effort.  

Answer 6

You are going to be tired beyond belief and busy to boot.  He is going to have to get used to being second fiddle.  He should stay involved and you should try to include him in everything.  Even though you may not have time to spend alone together, the process of taking care of this beautiful child that the two of you made together is an experience that should bring you closer.  Hopefully he can handle that.

Answer 7

"the relationship ended because the mother gave all her attention to the baby and ignored him" - do you mean HE ended the relationship because he was jealous of his own child? If so, he sounds like an idiot.

Your priority (and his!) once the baby is born should be the baby, obviously. New babies need lots of attention, the best way for you to be able to make time for him would be for him to be planning ways he can help and support you once the baby arrives.