How to forgive and forget the wrong things my husband did to me ?

Question

I am living with my husband and step daughter.

I came US four years ago, I am sorry my English is bad.

And so sorry this is very long one. I have a pain in my mind now .

It is difficult make it short. I am sorry.

First of all. When my husband asked to me get marriage with me ,

I said as a condition of marriage to having your daughter with us 50% of the year is my limit .

Because my husband and the daughter and act like a partners.

Like some movie about a small child and single father .

It is good to see in the movie ,but if the girl was teenager and bossy and selfish , try to control situation of this house as she likes, especially own father. it is tragic for one woman.

I could see it happen to me. But I loved him .

He agreed the condition what I said.

That's why I got marriage with him.

However so many bad things happened for my life.

When 3 of us go out ,The daughter was a boss of all of us.

She walks a head and said this way ,that way!

She sits back seat of the car but form back she make a command to own dad turn left, go now! stop that shop!

In the restaurant long time I did not have a right to choose food.

We are small eater couple usually he choose meal and split with me.

She had a right to order own meal. even soda. for me ? water.

When I wanted buy some cosmetics for my skin my husband said that [Even if you did anything your skin will not looks good as teenager like ***(his daughter 's name)

When I care one of my teeth and think about having braces to my teeth he said that [In your age even if you did it your teeth will not perfect like ***her name again]

And I forgot pull up side brake of the car he said [ I told to you it is dangerous! even ****knows it!]

When I washed dishes he said I do not use enough soup

[****dose good job because I taught her how]

When I don't understand about windows computer ( mine is MAC) he said that [Ask to *** she knows it!]

She suspended school for one week ,because she had M***** . Other time she push her best friend and they did physical fight and suspended for one week again.

She often fight with boy friend she yell like a animal F****!!!!!! so many times and kick the wall. I feel so uncomfortable to listen it.

She did steal my money form wallet and when I asked about missing money ,She said [Are you saying I took it!?] But It was her. Later my husband talked with her and she back the money.

She broke my stained glass star , doll, base...randomly she tell a lie she did not do that.

Every these trouble makes me up set but my husband never get mad to her so understanding . Usually I am the one got so many punch of the word when she start something.

I decide not going out /take vacation with her .I want avoid trouble.

So it means no vacation for us. She goes somewhere with own mom.

Last one year she is staying in this house. Because she did big fight with own mother . (but she goes vacation with mom.)

My husband says he loves me . Now many things getting better ,I have a right to order in the restaurant but I don't feel good at all.

I just want be loved naturally.

I do not want demand.

Why the daughter got everything even she dose not demand but I do have to fight to my rights?

I did nothing wrong and the daughter did so many wrong and he did ,too.

But I am the one always have to be suffered.

I want feel good but it is hard to forget the things happen and afraid to trust my husband ...

Answer 1

the good thing about AMERICA,you don't have to live as a second class citizen you have the right to do what you want when you want and you need to make that clear to him and demand respect and if he doesn't comply you can start a new life without him and find someone who will treat you the way you should be treated.

Answer 2

All I can say is "Blood is thicker than Water" Honey.

Move on.

Answer 3

Explain to him that you do not like him comparing you to his daughter.  You are not her, you are you.  

Also let him know how it makes you feel when she bosses you and him around.  She is a child, and needs to have limits not the run of the house.

If this continues I can only see heartache for you, so if he does not change, move on.

Talk to the daughter.  Spend time with her and learn about her to find something you have in common.

Answer 4

Sounds like your husband needs to grow a pair and act like the grown up! As for your step daughter she just needs a good *** beating! Bring her to my gym and ill beat her for a few rounds maybe that will help. She will stay the way she is until someone makes her stop. She is the child! You guys are the adults!

Answer 5

well its sounds like you have it bad. these people are controling you. NOT GOOD!!!! dont let them do that to you. The first sign of abuse starts with controling and as far as the daughter thing goes some seperated parents try not to be mean to there kids so that the kids will favore one parent more then the other. This is usually done out of spite of the other parent not of the best interest of the child. I cant tell you how to make the hurt go away. But if I was you I would run for it while I still Had a chance.  below this is warning signs of some one with an abusive nature

Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession.

Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.



Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, MN



Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.



Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.



Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility onto you

Answer 6

sounds to me like you need some time AWAY from those folks to find yourself.

as long as you continue to let them control you, they will.

you have value, but you have to find it in yourself - you won't around them.  

Answer 7

She is just your typical american woman.You should have done more research before getting married.My advice get a divorce and tell everyone you know how spoiled and selfish american women are.American men already know it.

Answer 8

i say that it is about time you put your foot down.  you are the woman of the house, and with that being said that is your domain and noone should tell you what and how you should do something, it's one thing to take orders from your husband, but your daughter i say that the next time she comes there do not mingle, do not talk to her, when they go out to dinner let them go alone,  have no contact with her what's so ever, and when your husband asks you what's wrong, tell him you refuse to take orders in your own home from a child.  when he sets the record straight with her then you will consider being apart of her life. but until then you rather he spends the time with his daughter.  sorry so long.