How to get a 3 year old boy interested in studies?

Question

my 13 year old brother is highly disinterested in studies and loves to waste time. he does not like anything intellectual and loves to keep whiling away time.

he literally has to be forced to study . all methods such as beating , scolding , crying , talking with love and affection have been tried.. we have even been very patient but he is on the verge of failing .

at this age he has started back answering and he is interested in the company of bad boys but we prevent him quite a lot.

the counsellor at school doesnt seem to be of any help.

pls suggest what to do ? we are in urgent need of help

Answer 1

is he three or thirteen????

Answer 2

I agree with amberglasss and suzie_lea_2007 100%.   I have a 14 year old who was in the same situation.   Although my son is very bright I've accepted the idea that he may not go to a 4 year college.    He'll likely go to a 2 year technical school and learn a trade.    If that is what he wants to do then I'm OK with that but he must put effort into his schoolwork.   The biggest motivator for him to get him to study was to plan out his future with his interests in mind.    Our high schools do offer many different elective classes including auto mechanics and JROTC which he is taking and that makes a big difference.    

ETA: I just now realized that you were referring to your brother and not your son.    Your mom or dad should read these answers.   Your brother needs to see what's in it for him.   He can't get anywhere in life without a diploma and a better paying jobs want employees with skills and at least some schooling after high school.

Answer 3

I don't know if this is something you may have already tried, but with my son (who is 14) I sit down with him every day. While he does his homework or studies I am right there with him. In our case it's not because he doesn't do his work, but so I can help with questions and anything he doesn't understand, but this also benefits me because it refreshes my knowledge on things I hadn't done in years and I even am currently learning geometry (which I could not do if my life depended on it when I was young!) He actually teaches me! I ask him questions and he explains it to me, if I still don't get it, which I'm embarrassed to say DOES happen, he will explain until I do!!

For us this works great! I stay connected and can continue to follow along with his learning, I show interest giving him the feeling that he is not alone, plus he feels important by having to sometimes explain things to me. I quiz when we know a test is coming, and am just avail.

It's not easy to find the time, every single second, and I do have to step away sometimes or if I am not able to sit with him while he does his things I take some time and sit down with him and go over what he has done and ask questions.

This not only keeps me connected, like I mentioned, but also helps him stay organized. He used to have problems with keeping his backpack organized. He would sometimes literally lose stuff in there!!! I bought him a accordian type file folder at Target, it wasn't too expensive, but HE actually does much better being organized!!

Your son reminds me of myself at about 15! I had no interest at all in school and started hanging out with the wrong crowd too. My parents didn't understand me, they never tried to. They would just get angry and fed up with me. School was hard to me, if someone had taken the time with me like I do with my son, I think it would have helped! My parents had no idea what was going on with me, they just yelled and would get so angry with me. Even though I had friends, so-called friends, I felt lonely, depressed, and since I just didn't really understand my school work I just gave up. I will also tell you, my parents did not support me with ANYTHING, no matter how important it was to me, in their eyes I felt stupid and unimportant!! I still remember those feelings and NEVER want my own children to feel that!

As far as hanging out with the wrong crowd, yup, eventually I got in some big trouble. I ended up trying marijuana, I ran away only to be picked up by the police and brought to be arrested and left in jail for a week. My parents wanted "to teach me a lesson", but it only made me hate them more!! I just wanted love, support and understanding. I actually was a good person but my parents never took the time to see that. I had a brother & a sister, but I was the oldest.

Let me also mention that I went a little wild also because once I realized that I wasn't going to get the love and support at home, I knew they had no idea how to control me, and got a taste of freedom. Not to mention when I was home, I was stressed, depressed, and lonely. When I was out with my friends I was carefree, happy and for the most part relaxed. I believe that my parents drove me away! I left home as soon as I got my diploma! That very day I moved out. My mom was the only one who came to see me graduate, my dad didn't believe I deserved it and refused to go. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders, moving out, I was free! I moved in with my boyfriend (who I am happily married to now, but my parents didn't like him either, because he was a different race and religion)

I didn't talk to them for months! Our relationship now is better, although still strained. I never went to college, but got a good job actually made some good money, I was very lucky. I am now 35, a stay at home mom, married to the love of my life who works for a bank and makes good money. We have our own home, live comfortably, and have 3 amazing kids!! My children are 14 (boy), 6 (boy), and 15 months (girl). Each one of my kids means the world to me. I make sure I have time with each one. I talk to them about everything!! I know who they are as a person and am proud to be their mom! There are times when the do mess up or get off track, but I am right there to help guide them on how to handle or fix their problems.

My advice would be to try to become more connected with both his school work and talk to him about everything, even sensitive issues. Listen to his feelings and thoughts, tell him how you feel about issues. Never attack or come at him about things, there is nothing wrong with saying "I'm very upset right now, I need to think things over and talk to you about this later", it will give you a better perspective and help see the issue once you've calmed down. When you yell, get mad, come at him, it might only make him shut you down. Always support his dreams and him as a person even if it is not what "you" want.

My 14 year old has decided he wants to become a video game designer. I couldn't be more excited or proud of him. He has actually been looking up colleges to see where he wants to go, what classes he will need, ect. And as an alternative was looking at law schools and showed interest in going to Harvard!!! Whatever he decides to do I am proud of him!!

He is in gifted classes at school, gets all A's & B's, is in a leadership program, plays in the school band, does sports, and has great friends!! I know ALL his friends AND their parents! Because he does so good I let him do many things, if it's important to him I consider it. I pick and choose my battles with him. I also tell my children I love them EVERY day! Just because you "think" he knows this, it might not seem that way to him. It's always nice to hear! My dad has never said "I love you" to me, even now!

Also involve him or his opinion in household/family decisions. This connects him and helps him feel important and that his opinion matters to you.

Anyway, sorry this is so long, but I wanted to explain what I do and why. I also wanted to give you perspective from a former kid who's been there. Hope it helps some.

Good luck!

P.S. If you have any questions about anything I mentioned, feel free to mail me :)

Answer 4

try an alternative school and change his diet and sleeping habits...also, he might be having some bad problems with a bully or something at school and not talking about it...i hated school and dropped out as a sophomore...went to an adult alternative school....went to college....etc....i also have friends who did much of what your brother is doing and they are all really bright and talented thinking people....maybe you should come to an agreement that it is possible for a particular type of learning to be disgustingly unappealing to him and ask him, what it is he thinks he ought to be doing to further himself....make him think about what his outcome should be....get his opinion and then figure out the options.....

Answer 5

So is this about a 3 year old or a 13 year old?

If it is about the 13 year old, you need to find a way to tie the studies into what he is passionate about. For example, my son is now 10 years old, but at 6 years of age, he wasn't at all interested in reading. He was big into sports and I ordered him Sports Illustrated for kids and got some age appropriate "baseball" theme books from the bookstore. He is still picky about what he reads, but he is reading and doing it well.

If he has no passion you can tap into like that, he might actually have a problem with depression or something that needs to be diagnosed and treated.

Answer 6

How about a brand new fresh start? Maybe it is a particular teacher that gets him down, the kids at school, or the environment, but maybe if he agrees, a brand new school might be a good beginning.

I had lost all interest in school at about 14 despite having alot of potential (so Im told!). My mum changed schools for me and I got to go where no-one knew me, no one expected anything of me and I could just do my best.

THink about the things he is interested in, and TALK to him about what he likes. Talk to him about possibly a career in those fields. Is it computer games? Ask him about being a computer game designer. is it drawing? Maybe he can do some special art classes. Is it music? Maybe he can pick up an instrument, a COOL one like drums or electric guitair.

All these cool choices also need academic stuff to go aloong with. If he has a PLAN for his life and someone who is interested in what he wants, then he might start taking a little more interest.

Answer 7

well i had a similar problem with my little boy. you should make learning a fun thing. once he comes home from school let him play for at least a hour to get all school out of his mind. while he is doing that take a look at what he needs to do and make fun games out it. If he has spelling write the word out in a sentence and misspell it. have him look for the word and spell it out again. another thing for spelling is make a matching game. for math make up your own flash cards with cool pics on them, something that he likes (ie sports). reading is something you should all do as a family each one of you take turns reading a page and at the end discuss your favorite part. all i have to say is don't give up and make it fun.

Answer 8

Firstly can I suggest that you change the heading to the question as it gives people who may be looking at it on the list of questions the wrong idea.

You said he is not interested in the intellectual stuff. Is he any good with his hands.

If so try and suggest that he could be a tradesman when he grows up. Get some information on what different trades require in the area of skills. If he finds something that he likes he may become interested in the intellectual/academic studies that he needs to do to get there. For instance to work as a plumber he would have to be good at maths as well as at the technical side of things.

Maybe you could take him to some youth organisations (youth groups, scouts, etc) who have the type of values you would like him to have. This will give him a new group of friends who will hopefully be a good influence.

Who has actually talked to the counsellor. If it's him he may not have really been interested as it was about atopic which heis currently not interested in.

Has he got any friends who are good influence and are ambitious if so maybe they could help him.

How is he actually going in school. If he's not doing very well that could be the problem. He may have got to the point of "why bother I'll just fail again" if this is the case sit down with him and talk about what he is good at so he realises he is not a failure.

I hope these suggestions helped you.