How to get a 5 year old to quit acting like a baby?

Question

My fiancee's 5 year old daughter (that lives with us) is CONSTANTLY acting like a baby! She sucks her thumb, wets her pants, uses baby talk, the whole 9 yards. We have tried everything to get her to stop but nothing works! When we ask her why she does this, she always answers either "because I am a baby", "because I wish I was still a baby", or "because babies are cute and I want to be one". This is also becoming socially inhibiting for her; alot of the time when I pick her up from daycare, she is playing alone, and when I asked her why she doesn't play with the other kids, she said "because they get mad at me when I act like a baby and they won't play with me". I don't want her to grow up not having friends and always acting like a baby, but she doesn't seem to care about the negative impact this is having on her. My fiancee said that even was she WAS a baby, she didn't do these things, so why now? I have been with her dad for over 2 years, so I doubt it is an adjustment issue.

Answer 1

I still think this IS an adjustment issue.  You say your "fiancee"...  that implies that there is a wedding pending.  She may believe that after the wedding, you two will have a baby of your own and push her out.  Or maybe it's an issue with her mother.  Your name looks feminine, so I'm assuming you're a woman with the child's father.  For a dad to get custody, there is usually an issue with the mother - either she died, or is uninterested in the child, or is incapable of being a good mother.  In any of these cases, she may want you to replace her original mother, and thinks that if she's baby enough she will be YOUR baby.  

I'm afraid that this has gotten to the point that you really need to discuss it with her doctor.  Likely the doctor will want you to see a child psychologist to help yoru step-daughter through the change.  

In the mean time, the best thing you can do is to spend lots of time with her.  Spend the MOST time with her doing "big girl" things, like playing candyland or chutes and ladders, reading, or fixing her hair.  You can get a pair of matching baby dolls for you to play with, so that you can BOTH be mommies.  Seeing you mimmick mommy behavior and get her to join in may help her see that being grown up is a good thing.  After that, maybe be more "cuddly" during her bedtime ritual.  Rock her, or hold her on your lap while reading a bedtime story.  Let her know that she can be a big girl and still get all the love she needs.  

Good luck!

Answer 2

Respond to each behavior on it's own, specifically - not just a general 'stop acting like a baby', but deal with each issue individually.

Baby talk is pretty easy, actually.  Just tell her that you can't understand her unless she uses 'big girl words'.  And, stick to that.  Don't give her what she's asking for, don't answer her questions, don't engage in a conversation that includes baby talk.  

Thumb sucking is a hard habit to break.  There are bad tasting things you can paint on her thumb, to try to get her to stop, but they don't always work.  Kids should be washing their hands pretty often, so it washes away -or- they just get used to the taste.  Or, you could try rewarding her with a big girl manicure, but only if she can stop sucking her thumb for a whole week.  Thumb-sucking *can* mess with a child's dental alignment, but it is also a comforting thing & a lot of parents decide to simply not fight this battle - to let it fade away on it's own.

Wetting her pants is a problem that you might want to talk to her doctor about, at her age.  

And, I agree with a previous answer - make sure that you give her lots of positive attention when she does 'big girl' things.  If it's attention that she wants when she plays 'baby', give it to her, instead, when she's a big girl!

Answer 3

Quite honestly it does sound like some kind of regressive behavior for attention.

Where is her mom? (Not that a father cannot be a perfectly good parent especially when mom is not able to properly care for a girl but losing her mom through death addiction abandonment or whatever the case is would still be traumatic -- all the other kids at daycare have moms who pick them up right?)

Again -- not your fault or her dad`s but if she does not fully understand what has happened to her mother and why she cannot be with her mother then acting like a baby may be her unspoken way of making her mom come back.

Even if her mother died in childbirth or she is too young to remember her mother -- there is still a hole.

Or if she lives with you but sees her mother then enlist her mother`s help with this.

Ask her pediatrician about the wetting thing. That is highly unusual.

However...almost no matter what the situation is with her mother -- read the book Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman. It is research into the fact that no matter when or how a girl loses her mother -- if it is at a young age there is a hole and certain behaviors that try to compensate for the hole.

I think she will grow out of it.

Take her to do big girl things like a movie or show she would like -- a day out that you would have with a regular 5 year old girl. Sure you run the risk of having to cut it short and of her embarrassing you but if her world is expanded a little beyond home and daycare that might help.

Baby talk -- that would drive me up a wall. My 5 year old son goes into it once in a while and I tell him I cannot understand him unless he talks like a person. Sounds like her dad used too much baby talk with her when she was a baby. I never used baby talk even when my kids were babies and except for the youngest as I said they never really talked baby talk. They simply grew their vocabularies by and by.

Set up playdates with other children. Call their mothers and invite the other children over. Perhaps being allowed to socialize with other children outside of daycare will help her find more age appropriate behaviors.

Good luck!

Answer 4

It might be time to get a child psychologist involved. I don't say this lightly. But she is suffering socially and at 5 friends are important.

Answer 5

Praise her for positive behavior.

Make a BIG DEAL about doing big girl things, and let her do "Big girl things" with you.. like having a girls' day.

She might feel insecure about growing up, and doing big things. She would rather things be easy, like when she was a baby. It's just a phase, and she will eventually grow out of it. My little sister did the same thing when she was 5-6, but once she felt comfortable, and saw that big girls get to do more fun things than little babies, she let it go. Be patient, and reward the positive behavior!

Take her to pick out some pretty nail polish. Tell her that big girls get to paint their nails, and you two can have some bonding time together doing that. Tell her that once she has the pretty paint on her nails, that she can't suck her thumb, or the paint won't be pretty anymore. Show her that you are a big girl, therefore, you don't suck your thumb.

When she asks for something in baby talk, respond by repeating the same question in a normal voice. Tell her that you would like to help her with what she wants if she can ask nicely, in a big girl voice.

I wouldn't worry about her not having any friends now. She will soon make some, so don't worry about that=)

Remind her to go to the potty about every hour, hour and a half. You might want to call a doctor about that, although it sounds like a rebellion sort of thing to me. She knows she has to go, she just chooses not to.

If it continues, or worsens, I'd call a doctor or child psychologist. There could be a deeper issue that might be unnoticeable from your perspective.

Answer 6

Who are YOU to tell this child she is not making very good choices?   If you've been with her father for so long why the h**l haven't you married him?  This is not your child, it makes no differnce that you are her father's fiance' you are not related to this child yet and you have no right to determine whether HER choices are right or wrong, good or bad.  She is right she IS a baby, she is only 5 years old.  She most certainly is NOT an adult.  She is acting out because HER world is not right.  She behaves in this manner because those adults who are supposed to be taking care of her aren't.  She obviously is looking to get what she didn't get as a baby and everyone keeps pushing her away.  I feel sorry for this little soul she is going to have some major problems as she gets older and they're not going to be her fault.

Answer 7

it could possibly be an attention thing or she is still around baby stuff such as toys clothes etc. its possible it can be something neurological but i would talk to a pediatrician.

Answer 8

probably she is doing that to get her dads attention or may the fear that soon there will be a baby that might take her place but i really think its a  call for attention from her dad

Answer 9

It is called tough love. In short, praise the behavior you want, ignore the behavior you don't want, because she might be doing it for attention, and to a child negative attention is better then no attention at all.

Be sure you and your fiancee is not inadvertently enabling the behavior. For example when she asks for food in baby talk, what is your reaction? If you give it to her you are enabling the behavior. Be consistent as well, so if she does use baby talk to get a piece of toast for breakfast, tell her you are not getting her a piece of toast until she asks like a five year old...and simply don't do it until she asks normally. Trust me she won't starve, but when she knows you are not going to support this behavior by giving her attention or giving in to her demands she will stop.

If that don't work try reversing it....if she asks for toast, tell her babies don't eat toast...have some of this and give her baby peas or some other type of baby food. Basically if she wants to act like a baby, treat her like a baby, and hopefully she will not want to be a baby anymore.

Those are what I would do, hope it gave you some suggestions or was helpful.  Good Luck!

Answer 10

You cannot use adult logic on a little child.  Their brain development is not at a level that reasoning in that way can work.  Making her feel self-conscious about  behaviors she uses to comfort herself does not work either, as evidenced by her continuing the behaviors and the bed wetting (which is NOT intentional).

This child needs to feel safe and loved, not judged.  I would try ignoring the behaviors you don't like, and praise behaviors you do like.  "Oh, wow, thanks for helping me carry in the groceries, you are such a help to me!"  "Can you bring me the (object)?  Thank you--what a big girl you are!"

Praise what you want, ignore what you don't want.  Do NOT bargain: "I'll give you (treat) if you stop (behavior)."  That will absolutely backfire on you.

Again, praise what you want, ignore what you don't want.  Give her lots of genuine attention, love and time so that she knows that you value her.  Praise her for her accomplishments in a real way, by describing the behaviors. ("You're a good girl" is too vague to have any benefit.)

Good luck.

Answer 11

What if you offered her special times in the day when she can be a baby but the other times she must act her age...?  It may sound trivial to you but to a child there are so many things that happen in such short periods of time.  of course they grow, but they are also exposed to more and more situations including school.  Perhaps those changes are making her very nervous and she wants to continue to hang on to the "happier" slower days of being a baby.  Tell her how proud of her you are with her accomplishments.  Also prepare her before you take her to new situations so she can absorb them and not retreat.  She will be in kindergarten shortly and this will not be tolerated.