How to get a child to complain?

Question

Ok ok I MIGHT sound crazy on this but I have an 8 yr. old cousin who will not tell ANYONE (not ever the councler at school), if she feels sick, hungrey, upset, board, tired,ect. she just won't let us know anything. a few days ago i noted her eyes were red, blood shot, and puffy. she was rubbing them they were irrated she said nothing so i bought her allergy meds. and they have cleared and she breathes easer, but every time someone asks her whats wrong or if she's hungrey she replies I don't know. I want her to tell us things, we have her because her parents were not careing for her (no joke). They wouldn't really care for her when she got sick or hungrey they just kinda let her be or fed her junk food (if she was hungrey) So how can i get her to tell us whats wrong? i'm worried if something goes wrong with her and she dosen't tell us in time it could be life threating to her.

Answer 1

You might consider giving rewards for being open with you. You can start [in fact, you *should* start] with more trivial things to ask her. For example: after school, ask her what she learned in class, and when she responds with an answer, give her a snack, attention, or play with her. Giving positive rewards for conversing could undo all the introvert-ness that she may have picked up from her last family. Good luck.

Answer 2

You have to build the trust between you and her.  It sounds like she was neglected and never listened to, that's why she hides her feelings.  She probably been abused too, and wants to hide from the world.  I would honestly get her some help, she must be repressing bad experiences.

Answer 3

It seems to me she's got some deep issues, because of her parents. I highly, HIGHLY reccomend bringing her to a counselar (professional, not shool)

I went through parent issues that left me fairly abnormal at 8 years old, and I got a LOT better after going. She'll learn to open up, but she's obviously scared and confused right now. Probably feels like she's too much trouble and just wants to make everyone happy. Please, take her to her pediatrition at the very least, maybe s.he could reccomend you to someone who specialized in childhood trauma.

Answer 4

I think you need to give her time to realize she can trust you to be there. If she replies i don't know when asked if shes hungry or bored make sure to lay out some food or a new activity to show that it is acceptable to have feelings. Spend time with her and explain to her if she asks for things she can have them. I dont mean buying her a truckload of new toys but time to rest, food, attention and games. A counselor is a very good idea as well but it may be seen as another "change" in her life and make her question her place and feelings more. Introverted children usually internalize everything. And you definately dont want her thinking there is something wrong with her. Your going to have to trust your gut instinct on counseling and wether its appropriate. And in the end thats what parents have to do when making any decision for their child.