How to get grandmother in care against her will......?

Question

My grandmother is no longer capable of taking care of herself. She has a lady that lives with her to "help" her, but I think she is just using her. Yesterday I went to her house (2 hours away from my home) and she was not there, every light in the house was on, the stove was on, a pot on the stove and she was with the lady that is "taking care of her". When I finally tracked her down... she looked like she should be in the morgue. Cuts all over her from where she's fallen several times, she looked like death. My question is, how can I have her.. I guess you would say forced to get in a nursing home? She refuses, but she's so far away from all of our family and she cant take care of herself. What do I need to do?

Answer 1

You have to file legal action to get her declared incompetent so that you can make her medical decisions for her.

If her mind still works though, she can turn it against you. She can make accusations that you’ve been abusing her. I watched this happen with my husband’s grandma.

She was a very intelligent woman, but had developed dementia. She didn’t believe she was sick and refused to go to a home, so my father-in-law was working on getting her “certified” so he could force her into a home.

By the time it was all said and done, she sued my FIL for stealing her house because she couldn’t even remember signing the sales papers herself and tried to have elder abuse charges brought against him. To say he had to give up on her is an understatement. He hasn’t spoken to her in four years, and has to get updates from other relatives who live near her.

My point is that you may not be able to win no matter what you do. You risk ruining your relationship with your grandmother if you have her declared incompetent. I know it’s hard to sit back and watch her apparently suffer, but do remember she is an adult and is choosing this situation for herself.  

Answer 2

I am in the same situation with you. I am at the point of changing schools and living with her to make sure. my grandmothers problem is that her mind is starting to go and she has been extremely forgetful (leaving the stove and iron on, etc..). I have had her go to the doctor to seek help but she always just shakes off his diagnosis. I finally went with her to the doctor and told him everything that is going on, with her right there. Him hearing this from a outside source was big and we now have her in a manor care home.  

Answer 3

make an appointment with her primary care physician and express your concerns to him/her.  Tell the dr. what you've said here and listen to wha they say.  I'd also contact an attorney with experience in matters like this.  I know how hard it is for older people to give up their independance - I'm going through the same thing with my mother right now.  Good luck and I hope you can find the help you need.

Answer 4

as the first person said, you need a doctor. Her doctor will do. My aunt was actually wandering the streets when she had an episode of dementia. they had to take her to the hospital before she would go to a home, but she doesn't like being there whatsoever. Go talk to your doctor and convince your grandmother to see him.