How to get mother to stop her cross-talk?

Question

When I am talking to others, if my Mother doesn't like what I am saying, she will interrupt and tell me to be quiet. I am a grown older woman and her cross-talk causes my stress level to go up.

My younger sister whined at me that I left my car door open. It was the front door and I was sitting in the back. As I told her that, my Mother cross-talked over me, shouting at me to be quiet and pointing her finger in my face. My sister walked on and never apologized for her error. I walked out of the parking lot and took the bus home. They all had my birthday dinner without me. I asked my cousin if her daughter has found a job yet. My Mother interrupted, cross-talked over me and changed the subject.

Besides the stress, it is degrading to be told to be quiet as I try to express myself. People need to communicate. Let them talk, I am not an arguer. But, my Mother has to have everything pleasant at all times. She cannot handle conflict of any kind and has to rescue everyone. If someone is uncomfortable with my question, isn't it up to them to handle it themselves? My Mother is 74 and has always been this way. I tried discussing this with her. She refuses to listen to reason. She doesn't do this to my other siblings. Should I avoid family gatherings? Please help.

Answer 1

It's not the family gatherings, it's you and your mother.

She must be uncomfortable with your questions to other people or just needs to control you and your conversation.

I would just not talk around her too much but have conversations away from her ears.

Shaking her finger in your face is not what I call 'have everything pleasant'. You may need to review your questions, also. Some families don't approve of prying questions, even with each other.

Answer 2

It doesn't sound like your mom is keeping everything pleasant or trying to rescue anyone . Sounds like she is causing problems . She is older now and she is your mom , could you talk to her nicely and tell her how upset you are . If she is mean about your conversation I would cut back on the family get togethers.

Answer 3

She is 74, trust me, she's not going to change. My father is turning 50, and I've been trying to "change" some of his bad habits almost all our lives... the most you can get out of it is a slight change, but the same attitude will come creeping back. Sounds like your mother is just tired of all the drama, even if to us, it isn't considered "drama." She could be quite controlling as a person, wanting everything done "now", wanting to "just get over this." :) I know how it is, my mother is the same.

To tell you honestly, I dealt with all the cross-talk by just keeping quiet and talking about "nice things." Believe it or not, it really helped reduce my stress levels. The key is to accept your family members. Do you speak the same way to ALL your friends? I doubt it. We all act differently according to the person we're talking with. So you should apply the same to family members.

You don't totally have to avoid family gatherings...just keep conversations light while you're there and you're fine. Even if you're burning to state your opinion or defend yourself, you just have to keep it low. I've learned, we don't give offense, we take it... then again, if that doesn't help still, yes, avoid family gatherings. You have your life, too.