How to get my 4 yr.old back to normal?

Question

We have gone through ALOT in the past like month and a half. First we lost our daughter to her biological mother than we had to move in with some friends, my husband just went to jail on a violation of parole and we arent sure when hes comming home & just this past week we had someone call DCF saying I was a drug user and was in a bad relationship with a black eye from my husband which isnt true but they still had to come ask my son ?s and me.Now usually my 4 yr old listens but here lately since his dad has been gone he refuses to do anything I ask of him I tried the timeouts, the charts with punishments, groundings,& rewarding him when he does listen(which isnt hardly ever anymore). And im just pulling my hair out im not sleeping well im crying all day long when hes not watchin.I just dont know what do can someone suggest how i get him back on track? I know its been hard on him and im trying to be understanding to his feelings. PLEASE HELP!!!

Answer 1

Sounds like you and this little guy have had a very hard time lately. Everyone he loves is disappearing and he is too young to know why. You need to take a deep breath, ok take 2 and then start all over with him. For the next little while you and he should focus on just connecting together. Think of activities that bring the 2 of you together. Go to the library and read books out loud to him. Pack a lunch and go to the park. Take a walk in the rain. Every night before bed tell him you love him and you will love him forever.  He probably feels like he could disappear at any minute just like the other members of his family. Try to avoid situations where you know he will fail by not listening to you. This doesn't mean letting him get away with whatever he wants, it just means set him up for success.

Pick one way to discipline, say time out for 4 minutes if he acts up, and use it every time for any problem. Be super consistent right now.

Living in a friends home is not easy for you or for him. I would suggest you make a point of setting up a schedule each day of always eating at the same time, bath at the same time, stories and games at the same time and bed at the same time. Come up with a relaxing bedtime routine and repeat it each night. Give him your undivided attention when you are together.

You need to put his emotional needs above everything else right now. Please stop  crying for his sake. He needs to know that you are under control and able to look out for him. He is acting out because his world has fallen apart right along side of yours. He will not come around over night, but in time, with your consistency and love and strength he will realize that you are still there and not going anywhere. Talk to him about all the changes in his life right now and assure him you will always be there and everyone still loves him. Let him know he is not going anywhere.

Answer 2

well if it was the 70s a swift kick to the as s   would always work, but its not so you have to play pschological games with him. Make everything you do a game, and reward him everytime he listens. Even make a chart on the wall and buy some star stickers and place one on the chart so he can see his progress, or find another type of sticker he likes...maybe dinosaurs. You can pick up all this stuff at a dollar store, good luck. :)

Answer 3

hes 4 years old and is learning how to reason. what you need to do is sit him down and talk to him like a person. tell him that you know hes going through a hard time right now. explain that you are too. just let him know that you need him to help you as much as he needs you. and that everything will work out as long as you guys work together. i have had to do something similar to this with my now 5 year old step daughter when she was having trouble at home with her mom. and now she will come to me and talk about how she feels instead of acting out while she is at our house.