How to get my daughter to stop screaming?

Question

My daugher is seven and for the last month has had the worst additude ever. She screams at me, slams her door. She does this when I ask anything of her. She will tease her little sister who is two and when I tell her to stop, she will yell at me, tell me she hates me and her sister and go into her room and slam the door. The other day she was made and ripped all the posters off her wall. I am about to pull my hair out.

And on top of it, my two year old thinks it is funny and screams at the top of her lungs when ever her sister starts yelling.

HELP!

Answer 1

It's high time for you to let your daughter know, in very clear terms, that it is not she who is running the household. Sit down with her when she has a rational moment and tell her that she is not allowed to scream, to slam the door or to tease her sister, and most of all she is not allowed to yell at you. Tell her that the next time she does any of this she will have her pants pulled down and her bottom spanked. If she is going ahead with any of the misbehavior (and I would expect that she will, in order to test your resolve), then spank her in a way that she remembers. This does not mean that you beat her up - 6 to 12 firms swats on her butt may well be enough. But make it a memorable occasion, with lots of scolding and explaining before and after, and a hug of forgiveness at the end. Repeat as needed - my guess is you won't need to repeat very often.

Good luck to you!

Answer 2

when she gets into a fit just walk away

tell her if she continues then she won't get a door

Answer 3

Remove her door.After that every time she screams take away somthing she loves and donate it.

Answer 4

Here's how you handle it.

#1 - stay calm and keep your voice calm and controlled.  Tough but important.

#2 - make it very clear you will not even speak to her while she is talking to you that way.  Whatever she wants DO NOT DO IT

#3 - you need to reward good behavior so be sure to thank her or comment positively when she does talk peacefully or does something without screaming back

#4 - take the door off her room if she slams it..tell her once and only once that if she slams the door you will remove it, then do it.  No second chance!  It goes for at least two weeks.

#5 - take away all her privileges, this is TV, video games, computer times and friend time.  She MUST earn them back.

#6 - you must lay out your expectations in advance so she knows what is expected and what the consequences are for bad behavior and what she gets for being good.  An easy tool to use for this is Easychild software.  It's basically like the old fashioned star chart the teachers use at school but a lot of parents like the computer as it is very easy to set up.  You can use either - the software or a star chart to note good behavior and detail rewards

#7 You might visit the bookstore for some books on positive parenting or check around for parenting classes.  The ones at most churches suck but I used to teach such classes at the YWCA and they offered sliding fee scales so even lower income people could afford to attend.

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Raising kids is really as basic as these five important points.

1. Lead by example.  Is is possible she's seen you or your husband argue at the top of your lungs?

2. Lay out your expectations clearly.  Kids don't understand what you mean by "clean room."  A more detailed description like "put away all your toys and clothes, make your bed and vacuum" is much better.

3. Make sure they really have all the tools they need - with younger kids, this means making sure that they possess the level of understanding and ability to do what you expect.  This boils down to age appropriateness.

4. Let them do it their way.  There is always more than one way to do something and giving them this autonomy helps build self esteem.

5. Delivery constructive feedback - Try to start with the positive but regardless of whether your feedback is positive or negative make it specific to the task - example: your bed looks pretty good but it would be better if you smoothed the edges like this.

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Your word is everything.  If you make a promise, even if it's one you wish you didn't like "I'm going to spank you if....", you must deliver if that's what they do.  Otherwise they know your word is meaningless and won't obey.  Also try to shut stuff down on the first try. The "I said 1, I said 2...."  if you do that, they'll never do anything until "3."

Lastly, this worked with my teens.  They loved to ignore the chores I asked for help with but invariably, they always want something from me - cash, a ride, a new shirt, etc.  I would just calmly reply "well I would be able to do that but I can't because you didn't....."  or "we can do that if you get x*x done in time"

And that works well with 7 year olds - "as soon as you get your room picked up we can watch that new DVD you got"

Good luck.

Answer 5

if she screams..... scream back

she argues..... scream back

ect\

or you can buy a cheap tape recorder, record her argueing/scream/ect. and play it back to her.... she'll be surpised

Answer 6

It sounds like you need to give her something to really scream about.  

I have two sons that are ADHD. I know you don't want to spank, but this may be best your bet if you are looking for a 180 behavior turn around. This is how I would approach it:

1) Give a warning first. Explain the action that was wrong and let her know what will happen the next time.

2) No warning here, take the child by the arm, (she will fight you) bare her bottom and secure her. Give her a good 5 or 6 swats until she is crying and promising to be good.

3) Sit her down, tell her you love her and let her knows this is what happens when she's naughty from now on.

It works like a charm and if the old two think it's funny repeat the process on them!

Answer 7

she needs a good sound spanking

Answer 8

This started for us shortly after my youngest turned 8. Between influences at school, not wanting to obey boundaries we have set up such as bedtime, doing her chores(which are pretty much minimal, she is expected to tidy her room, put her clean laundry in her room or on the dresser so I can put it away, and occasionally do laundry duty on the bathrooms) and even talking to me like I am brain dead I am about ready to scream myself most of the time.

I wish I had the answers to this one, because at almost 9 we are still going thru it. Time outs bring out the worst in her. I do smack her butt if she back talks, but that back fires. She giggles, tells me I am dumb and stupid. She does not do this when Daddy is home.  It is just for me!

Hoping its just a stage. My 11 year old is a total mouth too. My oldest, who is 13, used to be but now she is a pretty darn good kid. She helps well and speaks with much more respect towards me than her sisters do.

Answer 9

First I would take her door off the hinges (my dad did that to me) - no more slamming the door because there's not a door to slam. I would clean everything out her room - leave just her bed - if she's going to rip stuff off the walls - leave nothing in her room. I would take away all privileges - having friends over, playing outside, watching TV, etc. until her attitude changes. You have to be the boss - not her.

Answer 10

Put your 7-year-old in front of a mirror when she is screaming. She will laugh at herself and will give you peace of mind.

Answer 11

sucks when lack of discipline bites us in the butt doesnt it?

all she needs is  CONSISTENT discipline and she will turn her little self right around, she is seeing how far she can push you and finding no limits to hold her back.

Answer 12

ignore her. she is only yelling and acting that way b/c she wants attention and since you react, she'll do it again. sit still when she does that again.

Answer 13

Leave Her She Just Wants Attention.