How to get my husband to act married...?

Question

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. We had the usual first year arguments and all that. But the one thing that keeps popping up is that he still acts like a bachelor. He goes through these cycles. He'll be really sweet, buy me flowers, clean the apartment while I'm out on a Sunday or something like that and then he'll go weeks all but ignoring me.

He hates when I call him or he calls me during the day to see how he is or just say hello.

He hated that I ask where he's going when he goes out (not keeping tabs, I'm just honestly curious). And I know I'm not his mother or anything of that sort, but we don't even do any of the little things that couples do, like have a romantic dinner or something. He comes home from work, eats his dinner and then sits in front of the TV or goes out on the porch and talks on the phone to his friends and it'll go on until I go to sleep.

I understand guys need space, but he'll have a guy's night once a month and stay out until 3 or 4 in the morning.

Any suggestions? Am I just overacting?

Answer 1

No your not over reacting, but I'd ask, "do you want to be married, and what did you expect out of this?" to him.

What kind of example did his parents teach him about marriage (I don't get the impression he knows what marriage is meant to be about.

Otherwise, ask him, "If I acted like you (detail the above mentioned points you made), would you think this is a good way for a wife to act.

If he says no, then ask why does he think it works for him to act like that, not you.

Basically, I'd let him know, if this is how the marriage is going to start, you feel it may have to finish sooner than planned, as it is not the way you are going to accept your marriage to be.

Answer 2

You know that saying "how can I miss you if you never go away"?  Here me out now. I'm not trying to be a b*tch. Maybe that is how he is feeling. It's probably not personal he just misses having his own space.

Give him a reason to want and sit and spend time with you. He probably complains that you are always around or that you talk to much or gives you some other lame excuse to make you leave him alone. ....don't be so predictable. Stop being around when he expects you to be. If you're not home one day with dinner ready when he got off work, how would he react? Go out with your friends. Have something in your life that is just for you. Take a fitness class, join a tennis league. It doesn't matter what you do as long as you get out!

You'll have something new to talk about and he will have a chance to miss you.

Answer 3

Every marriage is different.  Not all couples sit together for long hours and talk to each other about all the specifics of their day over romantic candlelight.  I think you might be pushing him to want it too much, and if you just ignore him now and again, then you might find that he wants to spend more time with you than ever.  It's not a guarantee, but it's a big possibility.  The key is to have fun BY YOURSELF or with your friends and get him to know the fun and exciting you.