How to get my husband to chill out?

Question

I homeschool my second grader, who is an average kid who loves art. At the end of the year we did the CAT and she scored quite high across the board. The problem is my husband. He was so happy with her high test scores and bragged about it to everyone. This year, she is having a hard time grapsing math and it is really upseting her because her father seems to think that all homeschool kids are super-smart kids. I have talked to him about it and he doesn't really get that his over-praise last year kinda was a bad thing. She is really scared about taking the test this year, because she does not think that she will do as good. I try to tell her not to worry about it, but she still is upset. She thinks that if she does not score as high as last year, her dad will not like her as much.

Also, he is convinced our little one should be reading by the time she is three. She is a smart little girl, but I want to push her just to meet his "goal" because who knows what the next one will be. HELP!

Answer 1

He needs to be educated. (smile)

Tell him that some parents brag about their kids walking at 6 months.   Some parents worry when their kids are not walking at 14 months.   Most kids, unless there is a physical problem, are all walking about the same by age 6.  You can't tell the early walkers from the late walkers.

Same with education.   My stepdaughter could say her ABC's and add numbers when she was 2.  She went to public school and graduated without learning how to read and write.  She was diagnosed as LD and slid through 12 grades of school without getting an education.  She is highly intellegent with above average IQ.  What happened?   She needed an education that the public school was unable to supply for her.  

Yes.  Your husband needs to chill out but he needs to learn this for himself.  Hopefully it won't take years for him to 'catch on' and that your daughter will continue with a love for learning into adulthood.

Answer 2

I would skip the test. Why put that pressure on a kid? If a test is required by law, then use PASS.  It's wonderful.

Answer 3

I wonder if your husband is feeling pressure - either from within or from other people - to "prove" that homeschooling the kids is a good idea.  Keep talking to him about the fact that homeshooled kids are kids...like all kids, they learn at different rates.

Answer 4

Let them go at their own pace.  They can't be 'behind' themselves.  They will be far ahead in some areas, and behind in others, which is normal even in schooled kids.  Your kids are still too young to have academic pressures.  Let them be kids, where play is their work.  Follow their interests, it's all educational and doesn't have to look like schoolwork.

Answer 5

Wow. That is a lot of pressure for her. I'm assuming that he loves her. It sounds like he should sit down and tell her that all that matters to him is that she tries hard. Let the cards fall as they fall. As long as she puts in the effort then it shouldn't matter how well she does or doesn't do. There are other areas of life. Again she doesn't need the pressure or the stress because it will just make her perform worse than if she was able to just focus on the material.

He definitely needs to be less selfish and more focused on his daughter's health and wellbeing. I hope this helps.

Answer 6

let here learn at her own pase its OK if she dosn't do as well when i was her age i didn't like math eather but know im good at it she'll be ok  :D

Answer 7

Wow.....

I was, and still am Homesschooled. I didn't turn out as smart as your kids though.

However my Father had high standereds for my Brothers sisters and I as well. When we didn't meet them, he surprised us all by being very understanding. You never know your Husband might be very understanding when she finds out her grade.

However, she might score high again =] And then you wouldn't have to worry

Give it some time, maybe ever so slowly start hinting that your daughter not exactly getting her math assignments. Maybe he'll offer to help her on her skills. Or you could be the one, and casually mention it, and then ask him if he would like to her help her.

My Father loved helping me when I was still learning to read. =)

And reading and liture is my best subject!

- Homeschooly

Answer 8

Unless it's a requirement this year, I say DROP IT... don't do it.... take the pressure off for a few months or a whole year.  Or do a different test if one is required... OR get a MA in education to do a written evaluation for your child... JUST ANYTHING that is NOT this test.

and PRAY for your husband and this situation.....

Answer 9

Personal anecdote:

I was behind the other kids in learning to read. I really wanted to and my mom got me some books to help me learn, but I just couldn't get the hang of it. She assured me that it was fine and that I would get it, but I was still frustrated. I did learn, but I was still on the slower end of the spectrum. I remember in first grade how I felt inadequate compared to the other kids who were reading harder books faster.

I started catching up by the end of 1st grade and kept improving all through 2nd and 3rd grades and eventually overtook most of the other kids...but since I loved reading, I kept reading for pleasure when other kids stopped. I credit that love of reading with keeping me at a level of about 2 books per week to this day.

And how do you get a 3-year-old to love to read? Not by her reading, which is probably frustrating and maybe not even possible, depending on her personal development level, but by reading *to* her.

Also, just warn your husband that unrealistic expectations by a father is one of the major factors in causing eating disorders and can also contribute to depression and anxiety in teens. Ask him if that is what wants, because that is the potential outcome if he keeps this up. If he can't or won't stop, you may want to take him to a therapist who might be able to help, before he causes more harm to your girls.