How to get neighbor girl to stop bothering my daughter?

Question

I have a soon to be seven year old daughter who was very excited to recently have a kid move in across the street. My daughter has always had a hard time making friends and has never had kids her age in our neighborhood so this was great. The little girl is five years old and for a few days my daughter had a good time playing with her.

Well I noticed right off the bat that the girl seemed how would you say it, slow for her age. She speaks and acts more like a 3 or 4 year old then the five year old that she is. I also noticed that she just came into both our yard and house and went about as she pleased. She would go into all the different rooms without asking even if my daughter wasn't with her.

I could tell my daughter was getting tired of playing with her. Last night my daughter said she didn't want to play outside anymore that she was going to wach a movie. Then my daughter had to go to the bathroom. This kid actually flung the door open to the bathroom...

Answer 1

Yeah while i was reading i thought it could of been Autism,

I also have OCD and it isnt that easy but its not that severe.

Maybe Just when this girl comes over to you tell her that your daughter is busy or something then just say bye and close the door? idk really sorry

Answer 2

You can't stay inside forever!  You just need to talk with this girls mom.  Next time the girl comes over, you need to walk her back over (with your daughter in tow) and introduce yourselves.  

Your daughter has the right to not want to play with the little girl all of the time... and who would want to with the way she is acting?  

If she's an only child, she might not have had much exposure to other kids and is just acting this way because she doesn't know any better.

If she is in your home, you should feel comfortable telling her she must abide by your rules... no wandering about, stay with your daughter (unless of course, she is on the toilet!) etc.  If not, then you have the right to ask her to leave...

Your daughter has to learn that other children are ALL different and we don't always like eachother's behavior.   She shouldn't stay inside because she doesn't want to deal with the little girl, but needs to learn it's okay to say she doesn't want to play right now and wants to be alone.  If the girl won't leave, you have to walk her back to her house and let her mother know your child doesn't want to play right now.  It won't take long, she will get the hint... maybe it would provide opportunity for you to explain WHY to the mom and the child and things might change...

By the way, you should try a support group for your daughter... she may be able to make some friends there! Good Luck!

Answer 3

what i would do is to talk to her mother. call her house and ask politely if she wants to come over to have tea or coffee. then talk to her about the subject and let her know that your not exactly 'ok' with everything that is going on and that you do not really want her daughter to be hanging out with them that much. if the mother gets angry, then simply calm her down by saying that maybe you could make play dates at the PARK so that the little girl doesn't invade your house/ personal space. also so that the mother can watch her to make sure that nothing bad is going on.

hope i could help^^

Answer 4

Try talking to the little girl. Just tell her "I think your parents are going to be worried about you. You should go back to your house before they start missing you" or something. Then walk her back over to her house.

If she keeps bothering your family, talk to her parents. You need to figure out whether or not they know what their daughter is doing. Just explain that your daughters need a little break from playing with each other.

Answer 5

I have met plenty of children and parents like this ones.  I often babysit my younger cousin and would take her to the neighborhood play area, and within 5 minutes all the kids in the neighborhood would be at the park.  I asked one girl where her parents/babysitter was and she said it was community rules that if there was an adult at the park they could come and play here.  I got very frustrated and began walking the kids home and I told their parents I was not responsible for their children in the park.  I would not be held liable if something happened to them, and for all the parents knew I could have been the threat!  I told them all it was irresponsible, and some appologized and agreed and others slammed the door in my face or yelled.  I agree with everyone else raise the issue with her parents, I wish you luck.

Answer 6

This is a touchy subject...but you need to address this issue with her parents...it may or may not cause friction but either way you need some peace...:) The parents may not be aware that she is behaving that way at your house....perhaps she is mentally delayed and does not comprehend proper social structure. That's exactly what I would do...don't be shy...if it's interfering with the enjoyment of your home and your daughters ability to go outside and play than it is an issue that should be addressed soon...good luck!

EDIT: Your not that girls personal babysitter...i'm surprised that she allowed her daughter to go to your house without even knowing who you are...definately bring this issue up with her. Perhaps she needs a little dose of reality..:) you could also tell the mother that because of the age difference between the girls you don't think it's a good match. They are interested in different things...regardless I wouldn't tolerate babysitting someone elses child especially if I didn't even meet the mother...:)

Answer 7

Have a quiet word with the parents. explaining ur daughter has always been a quite laid back child who hasnt had any friend living close by b4. Explain the hard time ur daughter has making friends, & explain the concern in there being abit to over-powering early in the friendship. Hopefully they shall understand this as u've not blamed there daughter (sum parents beleive there kids r the best well behaved kids in the world wen clearly they're not !!!) Or better still thery might stop the kids botherin ur daughter, but do explain u dont wanna fall out with um over this, that way there isnt any ill feelings between u, as you do have to live close to each other. Hope this helps.

Answer 8

I am not really sure what to tell you, but just like the others i find it disturbing that the parents just let their child wonder off like that. I would make a point of going over to her house and introducing yourself to her mother.

If the little girl is unwanted, you should say to her "ok sweetie time to go home now" and take her over to her house to her mother. good luck!

Answer 9

You shouldn't let a 5 year old control your life. You have the right to not let her come over! I actually had those kind of problems like your daughter when I was younger(I have ADD and autitory process disorder)and I am now 15 and have made tremendous progress. Reading your story I autimatically felt connected to the situation since I've been through being vulnerable and having trouble making friends because of my social skill problems. again though you have the right to take that girl back home and tell her mother you want boundries. you should set limits. even though you may want to be nice to her, you aren't responsible for her.

Answer 10

This child may be on the autism spectrum.  My son has high functioning autism and it can be very embarrassing sometimes when we visit friends' houses.  He tends to wander around houses.  If you do have her over your house again, be sure to have the playdate in one room (playroom, daughter's bedroom, etc) and make sure you tell your daughter and her friend that the other rooms are off-limits.

Perhaps the girl's parents are reluctant to share her diagnosis with you since they are afraid that the diagnosis of autism might alarm you or dismay you, therefore losing a possible friend for their daughter.

A child with autism has difficulty making and maintaining friendships.  They don't "get" the social cues that most people take for granted.  

It's best for a playdate to have a set activity (board games, crafts, etc).  

I hope that you will be patient with this child, and hopefully, the mom will tell you more about the girl as she gets more comfortable knowing you.

I typed my answer prior to all of your edits.  I still think the girl may have autism.  She's "slow for her age" and the lack of social skills awareness gave me the idea.

I cannot imagine letting my children go over to a brand new neighbor's house for hours without checking on them and without getting your ok.  If/when the girl shows up at your house, just firmly and politely say "Sorry, but Janie cannot play right now." and close the door.  It sounds like it's become routine for this girl to come over to your house.  I would definitely speak with the mother.  It sounds like the mom is using you (extremely unfairly) as her child's babysitter and it needs to stop.  

I'm sorry that you are so disappointed in hoping that your daughter would have a friend so close by and it's not working out quite the way you'd hoped.  I know I would be, too, if I were in your situation.  I would dearly love a neighbor friend for my son.

Stick to your guns and hopefully, the mom will have sense enough to control her daughter.

Kind thoughts and best wishes to you......

Answer 11

tell the girls mother what her duaghter has done and tell her that you want soem privicy from that girl.  and if she donsent talk to her duarther then call child severces and tell them that ther is a girl that her mother never checks on her.  and tell them what problems you are having with them.

Answer 12

I would definitely talk to her mother. I'd say that you're very concerned when she shows up in your yard, even when no one else is out there. She needs to be aware that her child is wandering off without being supervised. I would say you just don't have the time to watch her as often as she likes to come over.